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174. Is ICBT Right for Me? How Do I Know?

 In this episode, Carrie explores whether inference-based cognitive behavioral therapy (ICBT) is a good fit for individuals struggling with OCD—especially those who haven’t found success with exposure and response prevention (ERP). 

Episode Highlights:

  • The key differences between ERP and ICBT, and why ICBT may be a better fit for certain individuals with OCD.
  • How ICBT helps unpack the reasoning behind obsessions rather than just managing behaviors.
  • Why ICBT can be especially valuable for Christians seeking faith-sensitive OCD treatment.
  • The limitations and challenges of ERP, including dropout rates and religious exposure concerns.
  • What it takes to succeed with ICBT, including a willingness to deeply engage with the learning and healing process.

Episode Summary:

If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a bit, you’ve probably heard me bring up ICBT—Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And maybe at some point you’ve thought, “Hmm… should I be looking into that?” Or maybe you’ve heard over and over that ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment and thought, “Okay, but what if it’s not working for me? Then what?”

You’re not the only one asking that. I’ve sat with so many clients—strong believers, committed to healing—who’ve tried ERP and walked away feeling like something was missing. Maybe it helped for a bit, or in session it seemed manageable, but day-to-day it just didn’t stick. Sometimes the approach just didn’t fit with their personality, or even worse—it didn’t feel in line with their faith. And let me be clear: ERP has helped a lot of people, and I absolutely respect that. But it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. If you’ve felt discouraged or even a little defeated by it, I want you to know: you are not broken. You’re not a failure. You just might need a different path.

In this episode, I start breaking down some of the key ways ICBT differs from ERP—not just in method, but in mindset. We look at the reasoning behind obsessions instead of just sitting with them. We explore how OCD uses facts out of context and hijacks your thought process, and how, through ICBT, you can begin to untangle that web with clarity and confidence. We also talk about why certain types of exposures may actually feel wrong to you—not because you’re avoiding healing, but because they don’t align with your core values and beliefs.

If you’re someone who wants more than just “sit with the anxiety,” if you’re a thinker, a feeler, a person of faith—then ICBT might be the thing you’ve been hoping for but didn’t know existed.

Now, I’m just scratching the surface here.

To really understand if ICBT is the right fit for you, go listen to the full episode. I’ll walk you through four key signs this approach might be what you need—especially if you’ve tried ERP and still feel stuck, overwhelmed, or conflicted about the process.

You don’t have to stay in that place. You don’t have to choose between healing and your faith. There is a path forward—and I’d be honored to walk it with you.

173. Who Are You Really? Discovering Your Real Self with Angela Henry, LCSW

In this episode, Carrie sits down with Angela Henry, LCSW, a therapist in private practice based in Northern Indiana, to discuss her journey into OCD treatment, the integration of faith in therapy, and how Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ICBT) is transforming lives—especially for Christians struggling with OCD and scrupulosity.

Episode Highlights:

  • What the “feared possible self” is and how it’s quietly shaping your compulsions
  • Why OCD recovery isn’t just about symptom relief—it’s about reclaiming your identity
  • How ICBT helps Christians reconnect with the truth of who God says they are
  • What makes ICBT a powerful, research-based alternative to ERP—especially for Christians with scrupulosity
  • Why it’s okay to keep your values—and drop the fear that’s twisting them
  • Practical ways to integrate faith into the recovery process, even when religious practices have become tangled with fear

Episode Summary:

Have you ever felt like you’re living under a weight that isn’t really you

In this episode, I sit down with Angela Henry, an OCD specialist and Christian therapist, to explore the powerful concepts behind Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ICBT)—and how it helps uncover the real self God created you to be.

Angela shares her faith-led journey into OCD treatment and how the concept of the feared possible self resonates deeply with those battling OCD, anxiety, trauma, and scrupulosity. 

We also dive into how OCD often hijacks Christian values like excellence or devotion and twists them into compulsions driven by fear.

We talk about what it looks like to drop OCD while keeping your God-given values, how to trust your internal sense data as one way God communicates with us, and why identity work is central to healing—not just symptom relief.

You’ll hear stories from Angela’s clinical experience, a moving mirror-based real-self exercise, and how discovering your real self can be a spiritual breakthrough as much as a therapeutic one.

If OCD has convinced you that you’re a danger, a disappointment, or spiritually defective… if you’re exhausted from trying to earn God’s approval through compulsive prayers or mental checking… this episode is for you.

Related Links and Resources:

angelahenrylcsw.com

172. What Does Self-Care as a Christian with OCD Look Like?

In this episode, Carrie dives into the true meaning of self-care—going far beyond bubble baths and downtime. She shares her personal journey through a challenging season, exploring how soul care, healthy boundaries, and physical wellness play essential roles in managing life and faith with OCD.

Episode Highlights: 

  • Why soul care must come before any other kind of self-care—and how your connection with God fuels everything else.
  • How to identify when your schedule is overloaded and what it looks like to say no, even to good things.
  • Ways stress and OCD are connected, and how managing physical health impacts mental well-being.
  • The importance of not taking on others’ emotional burdens, and how to set healthy spiritual and emotional boundaries.
  • Simple, restorative ways to reconnect with joy and rest, even in the middle of a hectic season or spiritual struggle.

Episode Summary: 

When most people think of self-care, they picture bubble baths, painted toenails, or maybe a good book and some quiet time. And while those things can be wonderful, they only scratch the surface. 

I invite you into a much deeper, more meaningful understanding of self-care—especially as it relates to those walking with OCD and seeking healing through faith.

Lately, life has felt especially full—between my husband’s ongoing health issues, changes in my daughter’s childcare schedule, and the rapid growth of my counseling practice, I’ve had to take a hard look at how I’m caring for myself. What I’ve come to realize is that if I don’t prioritize soul care—intentional time in God’s presence, even if it’s messy or imperfect—everything else starts to unravel. 

In this episode, I open up about what soul care looks like when OCD is making prayer and scripture feel overwhelming, and I share strategies for navigating those tough moments with grace.

I also talk about boundaries, burnout, and the pressure we often feel to please others—especially in ministry and church life. I walk through five practical pillars of self-care from a Christian lens, including how to steward your body, say “no” with confidence, protect your emotional space from drama, and make time for joy and rest in your life.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or spiritually stuck, this episode is for you. You’re not broken or failing—you’re human, and God is inviting you into a rhythm of grace that refreshes and restores.

Tune in to the full episode to discover what self-care really means for you as a Christian—and how it can lead to deeper peace, healing, and spiritual renewal.

171. 3 Risks of Feeling Better

In this episode, Carrie dives into the unexpected risks of feeling better when dealing with OCD. While it may seem like a positive step forward, there are some potential challenges that can arise as recovery progresses.

Episode Highlights:

  • The risk of thinking OCD will magically disappear without continued engagement in treatment.
  • How feeling better might make it difficult to connect with your true self and your values apart from OCD rituals.
  • The risk of avoiding triggers which might lead to a limited life, rather than true recovery.
  • How recovery can disrupt codependent relationships.
  • The importance of identity work in overcoming OCD and connecting deeply with who you are in Christ.
  • The potential for therapy to improve during less stressful times.

Episode Summary: 

We usually talk about the struggles of OCD recovery—but what about the challenges that come when you actually start to feel better?

In this episode, I’m diving into three often-overlooked risks that can arise after you’ve made progress. When things start to feel lighter, it’s easy to assume the journey is over—but that assumption can set you up for setbacks if you’re not careful.

You’ll hear about:
• The hidden trap of thinking OCD has “gone away” just because you’re in a calm season
• How true healing forces you to rediscover who you are—outside of OCD
• The unexpected tension recovery can create in relationships, especially when others have grown comfortable in roles of support, caretaking, or even codependency

These are the quiet moments in recovery that don’t get talked about enough—and they matter.

Plus, I’ll be sharing something exciting: a new opportunity to take your healing deeper with a therapeutic vacation in Nashville—where you can get intensive support and space to rest.

Tune in to learn, reflect, and stay grounded in your recovery journey.

170. Is it my Parent’s Fault I have OCD? Consequences of Rigid Upbringings

In this episode of Christian Faith and OCD, Carrie explores the tough question many wrestle with: “Is it my parents’ fault I have OCD?” She explores the impact of nature versus nurture in mental health, especially how family dynamics and upbringing shape our experiences with OCD.

Episode Highlights: 

  • How rigid and overly controlled upbringings can contribute to OCD tendencies.
  • Why the messages you heard (or didn’t hear) growing up still impact your inner dialogue
  • How perfectionism, fear of failure, and scrupulosity might be rooted in early experiences
  • Practical, faith-based steps to start healing from your past and walking in God’s grace

Episode Summary:

When it comes to OCD, people often ask: Did I inherit this, or is it because of how I was raised? That’s the classic nature vs. nurture debate. The science shows us that genetics do play a role—about 10 to 20%, according to the International OCD Foundation. But no one has discovered a specific “OCD gene.”

What I really want to focus on today is nurture—the environment you grew up in. 

Most parents do the best they can with what they have. But we all—myself included—were raised by imperfect humans. And the way we were raised does impact how we see the world, how we relate to others, how we see God… and how OCD may take root.

In the episode, I walk through how the things we heard growing up—even small phrases or repeated looks—can shape how we see ourselves. Maybe you heard “You’re so stubborn,” or “You’re too sensitive,” or maybe you didn’t hear much at all. That silence also leaves a mark.

I share stories from my own life—how my dad’s verbal affection helped me, and how my mom’s anxiety rubbed off on me without me realizing it. We talk about perfectionism, emotional neglect, and how hard it can be to give ourselves permission to make mistakes when we were never shown how.

There are two extremes I see people fall into: blaming their parents for everything, or acting like none of it matters now that they’re adults. The truth is somewhere in the middle. You can acknowledge the impact of your upbringing without dishonoring your parents. You can pursue healing without staying stuck in bitterness or shame.

Whether you’ve struggled with OCD for years, or you’re just starting to realize how much your past is affecting your present, I want you to know: there’s hope. You can begin to untangle the anxiety, perfectionism, and shame. You can learn to connect deeply—with others, with yourself, and with God.

We’re not aiming for perfection here. We’re learning to walk in grace, one step at a time.

For more insight and encouragement, tune into the full episode.

168. It Has to be Just Right!

In this episode, Carrie wraps up the themes and treatment series with a discussion on Just Right OCD, a condition where individuals feel compelled to arrange or organize objects in specific ways to achieve a sense of “rightness.”

Episode Highlights:

  • What Just Right OCD is and how it impacts daily routines and relationships.
  • The difference between Just Right OCD and perfectionism.
  • How OCD compulsions, like arranging or checking, can feel overwhelming but serve as coping mechanisms.
  • The role of values in managing Just Right OCD, and how they can help guide healthier decisions.
  • How ICBT helps slow down automatic compulsions and increase awareness of OCD patterns.
  • The importance of exploring different therapeutic approaches to find what works best for your recovery.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we’re diving into Just Right OCD, the last part of our series on OCD themes and treatment. Just Right OCD might not always be as noticeable but can still disrupt daily life. It often involves the need to arrange things—like clothes, desk items, or food—into a specific order, whether it’s for symmetry, color arrangement, or even number patterns. This can also include compulsions like rearranging objects or checking them to make sure they haven’t been moved when you weren’t looking.

While it may seem similar to perfectionism, Just Right OCD is different. Perfectionism is often about achieving an unrealistic goal, while Just Right OCD is about feeling a certain way when things are arranged “just right.” It can cause distress if things don’t feel aligned, leading to frustration or even conflicts with family members.

One unique aspect of Just Right OCD is that it might not always bring anxiety, which is why it can be hard to notice, especially when it’s less disruptive to daily functioning. However, if it’s taking up a significant amount of time or affecting relationships, it’s important to get help.

Awareness is crucial in managing Just Right OCD, but it’s only the first step. To truly move forward, you need the right tools to address the behaviors and the underlying beliefs that fuel them. 

If you’re struggling with Just Right OCD, therapy can help you slow things down and build awareness, so you can start choosing actions that align with what truly matters to you.

Remember, treatment is about more than just understanding your OCD. It’s about having the right tools to manage it and living a life that reflects your true values.

Stay tuned for more content, and if you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, be sure to sign up for my live August sessions of Christian Learning ICBT. 

Also, if you’re looking for more guidance, I have a self-help version of the course coming soon—join the waitlist now at carriebock.com/training

167. More Therapy in Less Time: Intensive Outpatient with Madasen McGrath-Wilson

Join Carrie as she continues the Themes and Treatment series, offering insight into the different treatment options available for OCD. 

In today’s episode, Carrie welcomes special guest Madesen McGrath-Wilson, an associate marriage and family therapist and associate professional clinical counselor in California, to discuss an intensive treatment option: Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP).

Episode Highlights: 

  • How to recognize the signs of OCD and the challenges of receiving a proper diagnosis.
  • The role of Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP) in OCD treatment and how it differs from traditional therapy.
  • How faith and evidence-based treatment can work together in the healing process.
  • The benefits of a personalized, one-on-one approach to intensive OCD treatment.
  • Steps to take if you or a loved one are considering an intensive treatment program for OCD.

Episode Summary:

Welcome back to the Christian Faith and OCD podcast! I’m Carrie Bock, a licensed counselor helping Christians navigate OCD with faith and practical tools. 

Today, we’re exploring Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP)—a treatment for those needing more support than weekly sessions provide.

I’m joined by Madesen McGrath-Wilson, an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Associate Professional Clinical Counselor based in California. Madesen specializes in OCD treatment and has a personal journey of overcoming OCD herself. She shares her experience of silently struggling for years, receiving a diagnosis, and bravely stepping into treatment.

We explore the critical role IOP plays in OCD recovery, especially for individuals dealing with moderate to severe symptoms who need more support than weekly therapy can offer. Unlike inpatient hospitalization, IOP provides more frequent treatment without requiring clients to leave their daily lives.

Madesen and I take a deep dive into how IOP can benefit those who have struggled with traditional therapy and are searching for a more intensive, tailored approach. At the OCD Treatment Center, Madesen’s team offers a unique, personalized program designed to support clients on their journey toward healing—helping them overcome the shame and challenges OCD brings.

If you’re struggling with OCD and feeling stuck, know that there are treatment options available, and you don’t have to walk this path alone.

Tune in now to find out if IOP might be the right step for your healing journey.

Links and Resources:

theocdtreatmentcenter.com

166. When OCD Interferes with Eating. Could it be ARFID? with Brittany Braswell

In this episode, Carrie sits down with Brittany Braswell, a registered dietitian and host of Faith Filled Food Freedom podcast, to discuss a specific type of restricted eating that can be seen with OCD: Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). 

Episode Highlights:

  • The connection between OCD and disordered eating behaviors.
  • What ARFID is and how it differs from other eating disorders.
  • How OCD behaviors can worsen disordered eating patterns
  • How fear, sensory sensitivities, and past experiences can contribute to restricted eating.
  • The impact of disordered eating on physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
  • Practical strategies for overcoming food-related anxiety and finding food freedom.

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Christian Faith and OCD, I’m joined by Brittany Braswell, a registered dietitian and podcast host of Faith Filled Food Freedom. Brittany shares her expertise on a lesser-known eating disorder that’s closely tied to OCD—ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). 

We dive into the challenges people with ARFID face, from sensory sensitivities to fears about eating certain foods. Brittany explains how this disorder, often misunderstood as just “picky eating,” can cause serious nutritional imbalances and impact both physical and mental health. This conversation is also helpful for anyone dealing with eating-related struggles linked to OCD, even if they don’t have a formal eating disorder diagnosis.

ARFID is more than just a fear of gaining weight. It’s driven by sensory issues, trauma, and irrational fears, such as choking or getting sick from food. Brittany and I talk about how these fears can escalate and affect a person’s relationship with food, leading to restrictive eating habits that can be emotionally and physically damaging. We also explore how ARFID often overlaps with OCD, especially when anxiety about food or body image becomes overwhelming.

If you or someone you love struggles with food-related anxiety or OCD, you’ll find valuable takeaways that can help break the cycle of fear and restriction.

This conversation is full of practical tips and biblical wisdom for anyone dealing with food issues, body image concerns, or eating compulsions.

Connect with Brittany Braswell: www.brittanybraswellrd.com

 Download the Hunger and Fullness Scale Worksheet: https://www.brittanybraswellrd.com/reconnect

165. Is He Really The One for Me? Relationship OCD 

In this episode, Carrie talks about Relationship OCD and how it distorts normal relationship doubts into obsessive thoughts. She shares valuable insights and practical tools for overcoming ROCD while maintaining faith in God’s plan for your relationships.

Episode Highlights:

  • How Relationship OCD (ROCD) impacts relationships and leads to constant doubt and reassurance-seeking behaviors.
  • The connection between past experiences, childhood, and past relationships in fueling ROCD obsessions.
  • How trauma-informed therapy and OCD-specific strategies can help address underlying issues in Relationship OCD for deeper healing.
  • How ICBT (Inference Based  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can be an effective approach to challenge and reframe the irrational thoughts that drive Relationship OCD.

Episode Summary:

Today, we’re diving into a topic that many of you struggle with: Relationship OCD. I know this because we’ve addressed it before in episodes 88 and 131, where Samara Lane and Pierre shared their personal experiences with relationship OCD. These episodes have been incredibly popular, and for good reason. Relationship OCD can be especially challenging to navigate because, in normal relationships, there are naturally occurring uncertainties.

You may have had a conversation that seemed fine at first, only to later realize that the other person was upset by something you said. These moments of doubt are normal, but when OCD takes over, it causes you to obsess about these interactions, seeking constant reassurance or replaying them in your mind. But even after you get that reassurance, OCD convinces you that it’s still not enough. It’s a never-ending cycle.

If you’re struggling with Relationship OCD, it’s important to recognize that it’s not just about social anxiety or insecurity; it’s about the compulsive need for certainty. It’s easy to fall into the trap of googling relationship advice or asking others for validation. However, this only fuels the OCD cycle. Instead, I encourage you to reflect on your past experiences and how they might be influencing your current fears and doubts. Sometimes, past trauma or unhealthy relationships can set the stage for OCD to take over. Understanding where these feelings are coming from is the first step toward healing.

I also highly recommend seeking a trauma-informed therapist who is familiar with OCD. Stay with me through this episode, as we explore practical steps for moving past the doubt and embracing the freedom that comes with trusting in yourself and in God’s guidance. You are not alone, and with the right tools, you can move forward in your relationships with confidence and peace.

If you’re struggling with Relationship OCD or any aspect of OCD, I encourage you to listen to the full episode and explore the practical steps I discuss to help you break free. Visit carriebock.com for more resources to support your healing journey. 

Explore Related Episode:

 Hello and welcome to Christian Faith and OCD  with Carrie Bock. I’m a Christ follower. wife and mother, licensed professional counselor who helps Christians struggling with OCD get to a deeper level of healing. When I couldn’t find resources for my clients with OCD, God called me to bring this podcast to you with practical tools for developing greater peace.

We’re here to bust through the shame and stigma surrounding struggling with OCD as a Christian, sharing hopeful stories of healing and helping you replace uncertainty with faith. I’m here to help you let go of the past and future to walk in the present abundant life God has for you. So let’s dive right in to today’s episode. 

Today we are covering Relationship OCD. I know this is a topic that many of you struggle with. How do I know that? It’s because way back in episode 88, we did an episode on relationship OCD and anxiety with Samara Lane, where she shared some of her own personal story of relationship OCD and how that impacted her when she was dating and engaged to her now husband.

That episode has been incredibly popular. We also had an episode back in 131 of another personal story of relationship obsessions where Pierre talked with us about how he would ask every visiting pastor whether or not it was okay to get married again because he had had a divorce in his past. Just know if you’re curious about specific topics like this one, you can always search our episodes on the website at  carriebock.com. There is a tab called podcast breakdown with a great search feature on it that will lead you to those episodes. Relationship OCD can be really tough to work through because in the natural state of affairs there are a lot of uncertainties in our relationships. There may be times where you felt like a particular conversation or interaction went well only to find out that you came back and that that person was actually upset about something that you said and now there’s a riff that you didn’t know that was there.

Conversely, we can also probably have all had the experience of we have a social interaction and we think, oh, I was totally awkward, that was really weird, people didn’t like me, whatever the case was that we told ourselves about this relationship or social interaction and we were completely wrong, that wasn’t how people saw it at all, it was fine, everything was good to go.

I can think of a few different interactions that I’ve had with clients even and I have to at times tame my direct nature when it comes to therapy because I can feel very passionate about something and I do really care about the people that I work with and sometimes that comes out a little sideways or I come off too strong and there definitely have been situations where that’s I’ve come back and apologized to people or checked in and said, Hey, I know that we had this intense conversation last time where basically I was getting on to you about how you haven’t done your homework or how this is a serious issue in your life that you need to take care of, whatever the situation was.

And sometimes people were like, No, I really appreciate that. That was exactly how I needed you to be in that moment. That was what I really needed to hear, even though it was probably hard for me to hear. And in the course of many years, I am sure there probably have been some people that I’ve scared off from being too direct.

I’ll just say not every therapist is a good fit for every person, because sometimes personalities just don’t gel very well. And someone can be really, really skilled, but if you don’t feel that sense of connection with them, then you may not be able to progress forward. And that’s why we talk about the therapeutic relationship being so crucial.

Unfortunately, in the case of OCD, oftentimes what I see is that people have a great relationship with their therapist. The therapist is lacking the skills to be able to help them effectively. With relationship OCD, if that’s the only theme that’s going on, you’re probably not going to recognize it as OCD right away, or you may be in denial that this is actually an OCD issue.

You may just be thinking, no, I have social anxiety, or I feel insecure in my relationships, or I just really need to know this one thing. I need to know if I’m supposed to marry this person or not. And if I get the answer to that question, then everything will be better. The problem is that if it’s OCD, we know that everything won’t just be magically better once you answer that one question.

Even if you get some relative certainty about it, OCD will then come in with some other doubt. Let’s talk about typical obsessions and compulsions. You may obsess about past social interactions, how they went. You may have the compulsion to replay certain social interactions in your mind. You may start to question or doubt what was actually said in the interaction as you’re playing it back.

There may be concerns about whether or not you have offended someone. Of course, these types of situations can lead to a lot of reassurance seeking. So you may be asking that person, Hey, did you get offended in our conversation? Are we okay? Is our relationship alright? Things like that. You may be thinking to yourself, Well, Carrie, you just told us that you went back and checked in about some of your relationship interactions and whether or not the relationship was okay after those interactions.

Does that mean that it’s always OCD? No, absolutely not. The problem with OCD is that even after you get that reassurance, you’re still going to be questioning it, or you’re still going to be doubting whether or not your relationship is okay, even if someone just told you, yes, things are fine. The very thing that you’re trying to prevent, though, a rift in the relationship, can actually be caused by seeking reassurance too much.

If you’re struggling with relationship OCD, you also might read a lot of articles online. You might be googling information on relationships, or how do I know if I’ve offended someone? I would say relationships with your significant other probably get most impacted. So if you’re dating, it will be, how do I know if I should marry this person or not?

You might be googling that or asking a lot of different people, how do I know if this person really loves me? There are so many different things relationship wise that you can get stuck on and understand that ruminating is a big compulsion in this area as well. You don’t want to just be sitting there thinking about this over and over.

Or providing some type of self reassurance. This can take a massive amount of time for you that you’re not wanting to spend only on this. Might be important, but it might not be the only important thing in your life. OCD causes you to laser focus on one thing when you’re in that OCD bubble, and it really closes out the other things that are important to you.

Of all the themes of OCD, I really believe that relationship OCD is probably most connected to earlier experiences in life. Oftentimes, as we get into the story surrounding the relationship OCD, It either goes back to something in childhood or it goes back to a past relationship that could have been a relationship that was abusive, either verbally, physically, mentally, or it could have just been unhealthy in different ways, maybe not full blown abuse, but you know, it wasn’t a good situation.

And also, people may reflect back and recognize that they weren’t in the best place in their relationship with God while they were in that unhealthy relationship. That may cause you to be more concerned about your next relationship. Well, I want to make sure that this one I do the right way because that other relationship was unhealthy or toxic, and I don’t want to go down that road again.

That’s a good desire to have. However, OCD takes over and then you’re spending a ton of time on this instead of just slowing down and waiting out the process. It takes time to get to know someone, obviously, and to see them in different settings and environments. As you’re going along a dating relationship, for example, it’s going to take you time to know whether or not this is a godly person.

Whether or not this is somebody that you would want to marry, but that can be a really big obsession that you get stuck on. You might even have obsessions about getting divorced before you even get married. I think this one is pretty common as well. Once again, this is something that can be traced back to family of origin experiences.

Maybe your parents argued all the time, had a contested divorce. Maybe they didn’t get divorced, but they were miserable and it wasn’t a relationship that you would ever want to emulate in the future. What if you don’t have a picture of what a healthy relationship or marriage looks like because you haven’t seen it?

Maybe you haven’t seen it in your family, or you haven’t seen it with other friends. This is one area where I believe that the church can be incredibly healing potentially is to have these pillars or individuals who have been married a long time that can pour into the younger generation or the generation maybe that feels broken coming out of a divorce, coming out of a negative relationship situation.

Or maybe who stayed single for a long time, like, there should be other people that we can look to, even if our own families were unhealthy, to be able to say, hey, I know that this couple has something that I would want to emulate, like, these two people are following the Lord and they really do love each other, I see them love sacrificially.

If you don’t have that, I would really encourage you to pray that God will show you who those mentors can be in your life. Everyone has some type of relationship baggage, whether that’s from a broken friendship, broken romantic relationship, broken family of origin relationships. And we all have a place in our heart that needs healing from these broken relationships.

So the first step is really breaking it down and identifying how did this story get built up to where I’m obsessing about relationships? Am I struggling with fear of abandonment? Am I struggling with a fear of conflict because I haven’t seen healthy conflict in a relationship? There are some couples that don’t fight and that’s not healthy to never have an argument or never fight because it usually means that someone, one or both parties, is stuffing their feelings or holding things in to a point that things never get addressed until there’s all of a sudden this big wall of resentment.

It’s important to have a healthy level of assertiveness in your relationship where you’re able to share wants and needs that may not have been modeled for you, or you may have felt like it just didn’t matter what I needed growing up, I wasn’t going to receive it, and then that translates over into your relationships.

I would really encourage you to sit down with a journal or a piece of paper sometime if you’re struggling with relationship OCD, and map some of these relationship issues out that you believe that you’re struggling with. If you have a hard time identifying them, you may have a close friend, family member, Someone that you’re in a romantic relationship who can help you see some of those things that are hard to see on your own.

I talked way back in episode 10 about my anxiety dating my husband currently. I definitely had a fear of abandonment because I had been abandoned by my first husband and I knew how that felt and did not want to go through that again. I knew that consciously, but that was also manifesting in my body in a very physiological level, trying to keep me safe from getting too close to anyone or from opening myself up and making myself vulnerable.

That’s a huge and important piece in relationships, to be able to be vulnerable. So if that’s something that you’re struggling with, I really would encourage you to find those pieces that are blocking you from being able to do that. If you have Relationship OCD and are seeking therapy, I would really encourage you to seek someone who is trauma informed as well as OCD informed.

If your past is affecting your present, you’ve got to deal with it in order to have a better future. I have a variety of options for helping people that you can find on my website. I have Christian’s Learning ICBT, which will walk you through the ICBT process to apply to your situation. I have multi day intensives if you’re struggling with trauma and OCD.

together that can be super helpful for you. All of that is on karybach. com. Let’s talk about a few things that you can do if you’re struggling with relationship OCD. The first step that we’ve already talked about is really to build awareness of how this came to be and how you came to be stuck on these specific issues.

What type of things from your past are feeding into this story that we need to be so obsessed about this and so super careful. That we don’t somehow mess up this relationship or these relationships that are in our lives. Definitely walk away from reassurance seeking, googling, reddit, all of those things that we’ve talked about in the past.

It’s only going to reinforce that obsessive compulsive loop for you and you’re going to continue to go around in that cycle. Being able to recognize when you’re starting to ruminate on something is super important so that you can detach from that and start thinking about something different, go do something else that’s important to you.

We talk a lot in ICBT about relying on sensory information. And that can be hard in relationship OCD, right, because we are going to have what we call sensory gaps where you may not exactly know what that person is thinking. Does this person really love me? I may not know that yet. I may not have been in the relationship long enough to have a sense of that.

Now, if I have been in a relationship with somebody for quite some time, and there’s been all of this evidence that they do really love me, or they have made sacrifices for me, then I can go back and look at that, and that can potentially be sense data. What OCD does is that it doubts the senses that are clear and already here.

And so being able to identify that is helpful. Like, oh, I actually do have some sensory evidence that this person has made sacrifices for me, that they do really care about me, that they’re not perfect. And I think that’s a big piece of relationship OCD, recognizing that. All relationships are going to have issues, and all relationships are going to have imperfections.

You’re not going to find the perfect spouse. You’re not going to find the perfect friendship, and knowing that that’s okay. And, that if you are in a healthy relationship, that it can survive conflict. It’s actually not the amount of conflict that is the issue, it’s what we do with that conflict. How we move forward, how we make repairs.

When repairs need to be made, that’s another thing that we didn’t talk about earlier, is that you can have all kinds of ideas about relationships, like conflict is bad, that may not be true at all, but you might need to work on realigning, especially if you’re beating yourself up over mistakes maybe that you feel like you’re making in the relationship.

So just to recap a little bit, how has my story led me to this point, building the awareness over what pieces are OCD, the ruminating, the reassurance seeking, what type of rules have I set up for relationships, how is this Relationship OCD, is it getting blended with other forms of OCD, are they coming in, so it may start out as like a perfectionism OCD that’s bleeding over into the relationship OCD, and I’m getting super hyper fixated on any time I make a mistake or hurt the other person’s feelings.

Or any time that we get into conflict, I’m getting hyperfixated on any time that my need is not met, and then questioning the validity of the whole relationship by one or two instances. And that’s the biggest thing that I would tell you about relationships, is that it takes time to notice relational patterns.

So do we have enough external sensory information to make a judgment about this relationship, or don’t we? If you don’t have enough information about the relationship, you’re going to have to hang in there and wait, and resist the temptation to make snap judgments. If you have actually vetted this person, if other people are coming to you and saying, Wow, this is a really great guy.

You definitely should marry him. He’s exactly the man that you’ve been praying for. And you’re still doubting that? It sounds like OCD is causing you to doubt the sensory information that you already have. You may not doubt that the other person loves you, but you may then start to doubt if you love the other person.

And for that, you need to really get in touch with your internal sense data. How do you know that you love someone else? Are you doubting that you love anyone else in your life? Are you doubting that you love your mother? How do you know that you love your mother? When you’re good tuning into and identifying, trusting that internal sense data, that really helps you be able to move forward in some of these areas.

I know relationship OCD can be sticky and tricky, it’s a little less straightforward than some things that feel really tangible. The important thing is for you to know that there is absolutely hope for you and help is available. You can find me at kerrybach. com. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today, and until next time, may you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

To receive weekly encouragement, find out about our monthly Meet the Podcast host Zoom meetings and receive information on exclusive sales. Become an email insider today. All you have to do is go to  kiribach. com and scroll towards the bottom of the page. You’ll find a spot to put in your email and receive a free download in your inbox from us.

Until next time, may you be comforted by God’s great love for you. Christian Faith and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be a substitute for seeking mental health treatment in your area. 

164. What if I stab someone or kill myself? Harm OCD 

In this episode, Carrie explores the struggles of Harm OCD, including fears of harming others and self-harm, and how these intrusive thoughts are tied to OCD. She shares practical ways to separate thoughts from actions, showing you how to confront these fears and find a deeper sense of peace.

Episode Highlights:

  • What Harm OCD is and how it manifests as thoughts about harming others, even loved ones.
  • How these intrusive thoughts, while deeply unsettling, do not equate to a desire or intent to act on them.
  • How shame and stigma can trap Christians, leaving them feeling isolated and fearful about their faith.
  • The difference between Suicidal OCD and actual suicidal ideation, and why understanding this distinction is crucial for treatment.
  • The importance of separating thoughts from actions and understanding that negative thoughts don’t define who you are as a Christian.

Episode Summary:

Today, we’re diving deep into harm OCD—a theme that can bring up fears of harming yourself or others. It’s common to struggle with these thoughts, but it’s important to know that having them doesn’t mean you will act on them.

If you missed episodes on contamination, health, or scrupulosity, I recommend going back to listen. Even if those themes don’t match yours, the ICBT techniques we discuss can be incredibly helpful for all forms of OCD. For example, practicing skills on a different theme can ease anxiety and offer more objectivity when learning to heal.

In harm OCD, people may have terrifying thoughts about hurting others, like, “What if I lose control and harm my loved ones?” These thoughts often come as “what if” questions or vivid images, which can be really disturbing, especially when they arise while interacting with loved ones. But remember: these intrusive thoughts don’t reflect your true desires.

The key here is to understand that having a thought doesn’t mean you’ll act on it. Just because a thought comes into your mind doesn’t mean you desire to follow through with it. God calls us to bring these thoughts and emotions to Him, trusting Him to align our true desires with His will. He transforms our hearts, helping us act out of love and obedience.

Tune in to the full episode for more insights on overcoming harm OCD with faith and practical tools.

If you’re ready to tackle harm OCD and deepen your healing through ICBT, I’d love to help you on this journey. Visit my website at carriebock.com. You don’t have to fight this battle alone.

Explore Related Episode:

Welcome to the themes and treatment series of OCD. Today we’re talking about harm OCD. Maybe you fear harming yourself. Maybe you fear harming another person. We’re going to tackle both of those today. 

Hello and welcome to Christian Faith and OCD with Carrie Bock. I’m a Christ follower, wife and mother, licensed professional counselor who helps Christians struggling with OCD get to a deeper level of healing. When I couldn’t find resources for my clients with OCD, God called me to bring this podcast to you with practical tools for developing greater peace.

We’re here to bust through the shame and stigma surrounding struggling with OCD as a Christian, sharing hopeful stories of healing and helping you replace uncertainty with faith. I’m here to help you let go of the past and future to walk in the present abundant life God has for you. So let’s dive right in to today’s episode. 

We’ve already covered contamination, health, scrupulosity. Go back and listen to some of those episodes. Maybe even if you don’t have those themes, it might be helpful for you to hear some of the other ICBT information that’s woven throughout those episodes. It might be beneficial to your particular theme.

Sometimes we will have people practice the skills of ICBT on a different theme than what they actually struggle with. It reduces the overall anxiety in the treatment process, and it allows people to have more objectivity as they’re going through and learning. In harm OCD specifically, people can have thoughts about stabbing another person, and this may come in the form of like, what if I lost control and just hurt my loved one?

Or, what if I mentally snap and drown all my children in the bathtub because I heard a news story about it? And these obsessions may come in verbal what if questioning. Or they may come in more of a pictorial format. And obviously that can be very frightening if you’re dealing with these images and thoughts that are popping into your head at various times when you’re interacting with loved ones.

And one thing we know is that there’s not a direct correlation between having these thoughts and the types of information that you’re consuming on TV, movies. You might not be watching any type of violent content. You’re not listening to crime podcasts. You’re not trying to dwell on these types of stories.

You’re not reading dark horror novels, but somehow these thoughts are still in there, and they’re stuck. As with all themes of OCD, there probably is some element of shame. How in the world am I having all of these thoughts that I don’t want and I don’t want to act on? And what does that mean? Because I’m a Christian and I know that I’m supposed to think about things that are good and lovely and excellent, worthy of praise.

How do I get this stuff out of my mind? So there may be different things that you do to try to neutralize those thoughts, either in a mental compulsion way, like thinking about something different, you might repeatedly confess those thoughts, might try to think of, uh, positive thought, you might end up doing some type of research on the internet about people who have lost control or snapped or done things that people thought they would never do.

Another compulsion is avoidance, avoidance of knives, avoidance of being in the kitchen. You may even avoid being around certain people, even though you love them, but you’re afraid somehow of harming them. That avoidance, unfortunately, though, just reinforces and strengthens this idea that you’re unsafe in some way or that you can’t be around these people because you’re going to hurt them.

And that’s not what we’re wanting, right? You may have intense suicidal OCD. Of course, this is really scary to tell anyone about because you think if I tell someone I’m having these thoughts about harming myself or killing myself, that automatically means that I’m going to be locked up in a mental hospital and it’s going to be a terrible, horrible, awful experience.

What’s the difference between someone who is truly suicidal and someone who has suicidal OCD? Typically, suicidal individuals are ambivalent. There may be a part of them that wants to die or kill themselves and then a part of them that doesn’t. If someone is struggling with suicide, those thoughts tend to come and they may come on very strongly.

But if given enough time, they will dissipate and die back down. This is why we talk so much about suicide prevention, about talking people through that ambivalence process and helping them find reasons for living and staying alive. Someone who is dealing with suicidal OCD would adamantly say that they do not want to die or do not want to kill themselves, but they’re afraid.

They have an intense fear that they’re going to do something to hurt themselves. Also, the thoughts may not dissipate. They may continue to come back as this person engages in the compulsions. Also, there may be just lack of any reasons that they can identify for why they’re having these thoughts. When someone is Dealing with genuine suicidal ideation, they will have a sense of hopelessness.

They may have a sense of feeling like they’re a burden. This is not what someone with OCD would say. Obviously, there may be some overlap and gray areas here, and if you genuinely are concerned about harming yourself or you have a loved one that you’re concerned is going to kill themselves, then obviously you need to have intervention professionally for someone to be able to go assess and figure out what’s going on and what the plan needs to be.

It is important to note that many people have these thoughts at various points in their life and don’t act on them. What I would want people who are struggling with harm OCD to know is that thinking about something is not the same as acting on it, or feeling an intense emotion does not mean that you’re going to act on that.

So, for example, you can be intensely angry at someone or have intrusive thoughts about harming them, but never act on those things. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean that you have a desire or an intent to follow through with that thought. Let’s look at a couple of real life examples. One of these I actually used in Christians learning ICBT.

I think as Christians we get so scared sometimes of our thoughts and emotions if we feel like They’re somehow not in line with what God would want us to think and feel. And I really see these as an opportunity for us to bring these things to the Lord so that He can align our true desires and intentions towards Him, and we can act out of those true godly desires and intentions that He wants us to have.

That’s a work of Holy Spirit transformation that happens in our life. It’s not just something that spontaneously happens. It’s part of our submission to his will and desires. Let’s say that someone deeply hurts me, and I can think of people in my life who have deeply hurt me. I might have a thought like, oh, I just want to get revenge on this person, or I want them to suffer the way that I’ve suffered, and I have an intense emotion of anger.

But at the same time, I know that I’m desiring to please God, and I know that in order to do that, I need to forgive this person and be able to let the offense go. So I take my thought process and my emotion and even like my urge to get revenge, I bring that over to God and pray through it. I pray for that person.

I pray for God to change my heart. God works in my life and I. Submit my desires and my will to him so that I can be in alignment with obedience with what God wants me to do. And God changes my heart so that I’m able to forgive that person, even though it started out really rough with that thought and intense emotion, it ended in a positive action space.

My point is that in OCD, things get really blended. Thoughts and actions get blended. We call that thought action fusion. You may see thoughts and urges as the same thing as desires and intent, and those are two different things. So it’s really important to pull those pieces apart for yourself, that you can have thoughts, emotions, like urges.

that don’t end in a particular action that OCD is telling you and convincing you is going to happen. There are plenty of times where we might not want to get out of bed in the morning, or we might not want to do a particular task, like exercise. We know that it’s good for us, and so we hang on for the goal in the long term, and we don’t act according to that particular feeling or that particular thought that we’re having in the moment.

And if you recognize this in an everyday process, that helps you be able to apply it to OCD and find the confusion there. I think there’s a lot of confusion in the church on this issue related to trying to control our minds and what we’re thinking and trying to control our emotional state. And if we are truly abiding in Christ, we do not need to work that hard.

Hear me out on this. It’s God that’s doing the work within us. We don’t have to try and control or squash every quote bad thought that we think comes into our mind. You’re going to have negative thoughts at times, you’re going to have difficult emotions, come up, submit those to the Lord, seek his truth, respond in healthy biblical action.

Another key is to not make so much meaning about what a particular thought says about who you are as a Christian or says about your spiritual condition. If you are struggling with harm OCD, know that God knows you’re struggling with these thoughts. I pray that he shows you what your true desires and intentions are underneath all of that mental chatter that OCD is trying to engage you in.

And if you can learn to not Engage with those thoughts to not get sucked into that OCD story. They’re going to die down, and they’re going to become irrelevant for you. The very thing that you might be trying so hard to control, if you’re able to step back and let go, that’s the process that’s going to allow those thoughts to die down, not trying to jump in and fix them, or solve them, or eliminate them, or do something about them.

I realize that is easier said than done. If you are struggling with harm OCD, know that help and treatment are available. You do not have to go through imaginal script writing if you don’t want to. I am in Tennessee and would certainly love to talk with you further about this. You can reach me on my website at karibach.

com. OCD warriors, until next time, may you be comforted by God’s great love for you. To receive weekly encouragement, find out about our monthly Meet the Podcast host Zoom meetings, and receive information on exclusive sales, become an email insider today. All you have to do is go to kiribach. com and scroll towards the bottom of the page.

You’ll find a spot to put in your email and receive a free download in your inbox from us. Until next time, may you be comforted by God’s great love for you. Christian Faith and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be a substitute for seeking mental health treatment in your area.