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145. Remaining Sane in Your Marriage While Parenting a Toddler: Our 4th Year of Marriage

Written by Carrie Bock on . Posted in Podcast Episode.

In today’s special episode, Carrie is joined by her husband, Steve, as they celebrate four years of marriage. They share relatable insights about the joys and challenges of family life, and explore the realities of raising a toddler.

Episode Highlights:

  • How Steve and Carrie’s lives have changed since they got married.
  • The importance of navigating shared responsibilities as parents.
  • Steve’s reflection on how their daughter’s perspective on everyday things helps them appreciate the world anew.
  • The challenges of building friendships as parents.
  • The connections between parenting and God’s relationship with us.

Episode Summary:

Welcome back to Christian Faith and OCD! I’m Carrie, and in this special episode, I’m joined by my husband, Steve. Every year, we take a moment to reflect on our lives and share relatable insights about marriage and parenting, hoping to help you feel a little more normal in your journey.

In this episode, we celebrate our wedding anniversary and discuss the ups and downs of parenting our toddler. From her constant questions about the world to the challenges of potty training, we share our experiences with humor and honesty.

We also talk about the struggles of maintaining friendships as parents, navigating social situations, and creating a supportive community for ourselves. It can be tough, but we’re learning and growing together.

To celebrate October, we’re hosting a special giveaway! Anyone who subscribes to our email list and leaves a rating and review for our podcast on iTunes will have a chance to win a $100 Amazon gift card.

To join, follow these instructions:

-Subscribe to our email list at https://carriebock.com/podcast/
-Rate and review our podcast on iTunes.
-Screenshot your review and email it to us at podcast@carriebock.com.

Join the fun and good luck!

Thank you for joining us on this journey of faith and parenting. Let’s dive into today’s episode!

More Episodes to Listen to:

81. On Becoming Parents: Year Two of Marriage with Steve and Carrie Bock

Transcript

Carrie: Welcome to episode 145. I am back with my husband. Today, for those of you who are new to the show, every year we get together and do a anniversary episode and I think it’s still relevant. It’s helpful for people to know a little bit about our lives, but then also the things that we talk about on these episodes really are relatable as far as marriage and parenting and those types of situations that I know other people are going through too. So hopefully it helps you feel more normal.

Hello and welcome to Christian Faith and OCD with Carrie Bock. I’m a Christ follower, wife and mother, licensed professional counselor who helps Christians struggling with OCD get to a deeper level of healing. When I couldn’t find resources for my clients with OCD, God called me to bring this podcast to you with practical tools for developing greater peace.

We’re here to bust through the shame and stigma surrounding struggling with OCD as a Christian, sharing hopeful stories of healing and helping you replace uncertainty with faith. I’m here to help you let go of the past and future to walk in the present abundant life God has for you. So let’s dive right in to today’s episode.

Happy October. I hope that you are enjoying all the fun things that fall has to bring. Here on the podcast, we are doing a very special giveaway in October. We are going to be giving away a 100 gift card to Amazon for anyone who is an email subscriber to the list and who rates and reviews our show on iTunes.

There will be full instructions for entering the giveaway in our show notes, because I don’t want to take up too much time here. You can always reach us for further information at kerrybach. com slash podcast. I will tell you, Steve, that one of our more popular episodes on the show is our dating episode.

Would you believe that?

Steve: No, I would not.

Carrie: Anyway, well, I guess there are a lot of other people like myself who were anxious about dating, who are going through anxiety about dating. That’s a relatable episode to individuals who are struggling with that. And I know a lot of people have relationship anxiety based on past relationships.

So I’m glad that people are benefiting from that episode that we recorded over four years ago now on the floor of our old walk in closet.

Steve: Yes, thankfully we have upgraded slightly here, so that’s good.

Carrie: Yeah, people can’t see that now. Has it really been four years? Wow.

Steve: I mean, it makes sense, we’ve been married, but still, wow, time flies.

Carrie: Yes. That’s good. This episode is actually coming out on our anniversary day.

Steve: Well, that’s a good day for this to come out.

Carrie: Yes, it was a slightly chilly morning in October when we got married.

Steve: Yes.

Carrie: At a park during COVID. So here we are, four years later, life’s quite different than it was back then. We got married and we had a daughter and now we are in the toddler parenting years.

Steve: Oh yes.

Carrie: Do you want to tell the folks some of the fun things that we get to hear on a regular basis and deal with? I love you so much. Me too.

Steve: I hear that one quite often. What else? She has a lot of phrases. What is this? I always was prepared for the constant question of but why, but why, but instead our daughter chose the route of what is this?

And it could be anything, it could be her foot, it doesn’t matter, and after you tell her she’s going to ask it again and again and again, but the same thing. What is this? I have told you 25 times that is your foot, but that is how she gets attention and learn.

Carrie: Sometimes she doesn’t know what it is, but sometimes she does know what it is and you’re like, why are you asking me?

Like, you know, that’s a dog. I don’t understand. And then I’m trying to figure out, is she asking me, is that a particular type of dog or is she asking me something specifically on the dog? Like, is that a collar? Like, what is it that she’s really wanting to know? Because sometimes it’s a little bit more detailed.

Steve: And I will say it is fun and interesting to kind of learn from her view of things. Things we take for granted that we just know. We know what those are. We know why we say this or do that. But to learn things for the first time from her view and her perspective, that’s kind of neat. And she always, not always, but almost always replies with, uh huh.

She just suddenly understands now and you know she has no clue. It’s just a response. But anyways.

Carrie: In a lot of ways, it’s been a really good year with her. There’s been a lot of highs, her taking some swimming lessons this summer, which was really sweet. And she started out just being totally terrified of the pool and the concept of being in the water.

But then she really warmed up to it and enjoyed her lessons. And now occasionally she’ll try to float in the bathtub, which is cool. So that’s nice. There’s also been some lows of lots of big emotions when you’re two, like lots of screaming and tantruming and

Steve: overwhelm and Yes. I know now I know why older people are hard of hearing because maybe just possibly they had children that screamed for 10 straight minutes because they didn’t get their way.

And that’s probably why our parents have ringing of the ears and all of those things because of all the screaming. So it’s part of it.

Carrie: Yeah. Sometimes I just have to plug my ears and walk away cause she’s got some lungs on her and she can scream really loud and she never loses her voice. That is a thing that does not happen at all.

So here we are. What are some of the challenges that you feel like we’ve experienced in terms of parenting her? Potty training. What was the question

Steve: again? I’m sorry. Potty training. Potty training. And do we let her just wear a diaper, not wear a diaper, wet her clothes? Go naked. Go naked. What do we do here?

Potty training, what? How long does this take? Huh. Oh, we could do this in a weekend. Yes, you can go insane in a weekend too, but I don’t know if that’s the route I want to go.

Carrie: She is.

Steve: As much as I joke about it, and forgive my sarcasm, that’s my coping mechanism, but she is beginning to get it, I think. She constantly informs me and us that, hey, I’ve gotta go potty, I’ve gotta go the other way, I’ve gotta whatever.

Of course, at this point, it’s part of the learning process.

Carrie: The ship has already sailed by that point, so she’s saying something about it.

Steve: Right, exactly. But we’re getting there. We are getting there. It’s just a slow go. And I’m sure every parent has tips, and the thing we’ve noticed from others the most is that was the worst part about parenting.

And going into it, we’re like, Don’t tell us that. But now that we’ve been through it a little bit, and we’re not finished, but we would agree with you that’s probably the worst moment in all honesty, or at least from my perspective, I would agree.

Carrie: That we’ve been through so far. Yeah. I think part of the problem is that you have these expectations, right, or people tell you like what to expect.

Oh. Do this, just pump them up with a bunch of juice and have them go naked and have the little potty seat, do the songs, dance around if they go to the bathroom, and like, you’ll be fine, and they’ll get it, and then you realize over time as a parent, you’re like, okay, everything does not always work the way you want it to.

that people are saying it will go and for me I have to reframe that and say that doesn’t mean I’m a failure as a parent because it didn’t work out exactly as I thought it was going to go but more how can I learn my child and what’s going to be best for her how is she going to be motivated to learn and what’s her timeline what’s her process which may be different than someone else’s timelines though so that’s been.

Challenging conception. I think so much to where as parents in this bubble, it’s like being in a, this glass bubble and you feel like everyone is looking at you or are they judging me because I wasn’t able to potty train my child in a weekend. It’s a school wondering, like, what’s going on? You keep sending her in pull ups.

Is she trained yet? Is she not? They’re asking me, like, uh, how’s the potty training going? I’m like, uh.

Steve: And of course you have to wonder, surely we’re not the first parents who have potty trained their child for you to understand that, and nothing against the school, but when they keep asking, you have to wonder, like, what are these other parents doing?

Do they, does the weekend thing just work for them? Because I think it doesn’t, given the responses I’ve heard from other people, but other parents.

Carrie: And maybe it does when you just hit him at that right time and maybe we started too early. I don’t know.

Steve: I don’t know. But I know that we’ve tried to be patient and diligent and we just gotta keep with it.

But it’s hard. It is definitely hard. I know last night, Oddly enough, and I don’t think I told you this, she didn’t want to wear her diaper to bed. I said, Oh, you know, honey, that is daddy’s comfort zone right there. No, we’re not going to bed without a potty. No, no, can’t do that. But I appreciated the idea that tells me that she is slowly getting it.

She’s getting used to at least the idea of it. Maybe not fully understanding the science behind it, but the idea of it.

Carrie: Long term goals, child. Long term goals to go to bed in underwear for sure.

Steve: Yes.

Carrie: One thing that’s certainly a challenge, you have different challenges earlier on in your relationship. Like when you’re first getting to know someone, and then you live together, there’s other challenges that come up that you have to kind of figure out and navigate through.

And then when you have a child, there’s this shared responsibility of the child trying to be on the same page and do the same things for them. Then also trying to figure out how do we have time for ourselves as a couple? What does that look like? Date night was super easy when we were first married and didn’t have a kid.

It’s like, oh, no problems. We’ll just go out, whatever. We want to kind of within reason and finances, but we didn’t have to worry about getting a babysitter or making sure our kid was in bed by a certain time. We didn’t have to have those challenges. And that’s hard.

Steve: Yeah, that is hard, especially when, not just for date night, but people will invite us places or church will have an event or whatever and, oh yeah, it starts at six or let’s meet at six, whatever.

Yeah, that’s not gonna work because we want to start the process of putting her to bed at like 630. That’s not a routine you want to break. There are a lot of routines that I’m willing to break for one night or whatever, but going to sleep is not one of them. That is a hard no, most of the time. And, uh, we miss a lot of things.

Carrie: There’s a challenge too, I think, with making friends with children who also have toddlers because a lot of times somebody in the family will be sick, you’ll be trying to get together with people and then it’s like, oh, well, so and so in our family is sick. And that can be a challenge, I think, to make connections.

We have a really great friend group and really great supports. A lot of people that don’t have children that are married. But. We don’t really have a whole lot of, that’s something that I’m kind of continually processing in my own mind. How can I get my mom tribe? They haven’t really showed up on the scene yet, so if you want, if you’re in the area and you want to join, I’m available.

That’s hard too.

Steve: We had children later in life. so most of the people, at least my age, I’m even older than you, they’re on grandchildren now. And I heard somebody recently that was actually a year younger than me talking about their seven year old grandchild. And I thought, oh my gosh, that’s, no, I don’t even have a seven year old.

I have two and a half year olds. We’re later, so it’s hard to find people in our same mix, which fortunately for us, it’s making friends with people doesn’t mean they have to be our age.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: That’s a blessing, but it’s difficult.

Carrie: It’s hard to make friends, though, as an adult. I hear this a lot from clients, not just you and I have certainly talked about it, but other people too.

It’s hard to find reciprocal relationships where you can kind of go back and forth and invite people and they invite you and those types of things. It’s a challenge.

Steve: It is.

Carrie: Well, when we were talking about date night, one of the things that we were challenged by that we’ve been going through this year is grace marriage.

So grace marriage emphasizes a few different things. For those of you who don’t know what grace marriage is, it’s a marriage enrichment program that meets four times a year at church. They have little videos that you watch and then you. break up into a small group, you may have some small group discussion about the specific topic, but then you have one on one time with your spouse, a lot of break offs kind of with your spouse where you can talk about specific topics in your relationship, which has been really interesting.

It’s different. We’ve never done anything like that before. What’s your overall impression been?

Steve: Well, I think that grace marriage is a wonderful, wonderful tool for any couple. A lot of people might think that that’s something that you go through once you have difficulty, but every relationship has its difficulties.

And if you’re the relationship that says, we have none, I suggest you get the information and go quickly because everybody has a problem. It just, every relationship has an issue. And so it’s good to build your foundation on as a couple. And grow from, and we’ve had times where we watched our little video segment, whatever.

And then we went off to the side and discussed some questions about what we just saw or heard. And there have been situations where, or questions that I didn’t realize that answer was going to be what Kerry said. I had no idea. I was like, Oh, I didn’t know that’s how you felt. Wow. Okay, that changes some things.

And for good, usually. It makes you more aware. You go into things thinking you know everything, but usually you don’t.

Carrie: Right, I think there definitely have been some surprising moments, even when they ask you, like, what do you appreciate about your spouse? And then you share that with each other, you make a list, like, here are some things that I see in you, some positive qualities in these different domains in your life.

And I was like, oh, wow. That was really nice that Steve said that about me.

Steve: And isn’t that the thing though, that it’s good to hear the good things. We always like, ugh, you never, you this, that, whatever. We complain about one another. That’s just how couples are. I mean, we don’t go around complaining about one another all day, I hope.

But it’s not as often that you hear the good things of what someone thinks about you. I think that’s a, I don’t know if misnomer is the right wording for that, but it’s assumed that the other person already understands what you feel.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: But even if they know what you feel, they need to hear it every now and then.

Yeah. That’s something I’ve definitely had to grow on and learn from.

Carrie: Yeah, it’s something that we’ve been to two of these so far, and it’s something that they essentially kind of started out with on both of them was talking about appreciation for your spouse. Because it is, it’s easy for us in our minds to get focused on the negative, not just in your relationship with your spouse, but other areas of your life.

Like, oh. Let me think about all the things I don’t like about this job instead of, oh, here are the really good things about this job, or here are the positive things that are happening in my work situation. And so if we have to really retrain our brains in that sense to focus more on things that are good and true and lovely.

Like the scripture tells us to do, I think that that’s crucial for our sense of contentment and joy in our life, really focusing on those positive things, but Gottman, who’s a marriage researcher, talks about, I think it’s like a seven to one ratio talking to your spouse, like, Seven compliments for every one criticism is a good ratio to have.

Steve: I gotta get back on the ball. I’m behind.

Carrie: No, you’re good. You’re good. That was one piece of grace marriage that we really got out of, but then another piece had to do with what we were talking about earlier, this sense of dating your spouse and how we put a lot of emphasis in early on in our relationship as we’re getting to know that person, to Go out and do fun things or spend time together, but then life gets busy in our marriage, jobs get busy, your parenting gets busy, then there’s church responsibilities that we have, we have a small group that we lead once a week, so that takes up some time to plan that, certainly, and all the other things that we have going on, and then to really make our relationship a priority, and that’s something that we’re kind of failing forward in, I would say, Sometimes we’re really good at the date stuff, and sometimes for us it looks like a date day while our daughter is in school.

If I can carve out some time on a Wednesday during the week, or if we can get somebody to watch her or go to drop in child care, things like that, we have like an evening out.

Steve: And wasn’t it in the past, and I may have mentioned this before, but the, that my doctor said, Doctor appointments are not a date, that doesn’t count, because we’re always together on those, almost always, and it’s often just the two of us, but what we have done, is you go to the doctor appointment, and then afterwards, we might go out for coffee, or for lunch, or something.

And I’ve enjoyed that. In a sense, it’s also a reward for getting past the doctor appointment, which if you have to go to the doctor often, as I have had, it’s a real treat to get to do something special, even if it is just going for coffee. So it’s nice.

Carrie: And I cannot remember the name of the restaurant, but there’s this really good taco place across from Vanderbilt.

Would we go to see you? You’re a neurologist. And so it’s like, yes, because usually you have to wait a while. You’re waiting a while around there and then you get to see the doctor and then it’s like, okay, let’s go get tacos afterwards. Yes,

Steve: absolutely. And I’m normally not as much, I like street tacos and I like authentic tacos.

Some people call those things tacos. They are not tacos. But that’s just my rant. But this place was wonderful. It had a good atmosphere and really good food. So I’ll leave it at that. But that was definitely, that’s a place I want to go back to.

Carrie: Yeah, for sure. One of the things that we’ve done over this past year through church, well, we’ve got a couple of things going on.

I’ve talked about this before, but we are part of a church plant that we are trying to plant a church from kind of the main church over where we’re going to and then put one in Smyrna. So, that’s kind of, we have different activities and outreaches for that. We don’t really have a name yet. We don’t have a pastor.

It’s a very bizarre type situation. We do have several small groups that are going and outreach events that are happening. But we are also reading through the Bible, which has been interesting part of the process this year. I know that you’ve probably read through the Bible before. What do you feel like has been different about this year as you’re reading it through?

Steve: Well, we’re doing it chronologically,

Carrie: Which is a big difference.

Steve: By going through the Old Testament, it can be very difficult to get through all the sections that are like begat and so and so’s name and this many years and this much measurement and those things. But then when you can have the order that it was put in, it becomes more relevant.

Because when you’re reading the Bible as we have it now, it doesn’t make as much sense to me. Now it makes more sense on some of those areas.

Carrie: They intersperse the prophets with chronicles or, you know, kings and chronicles, the parts that overlap, put those together and they kind of, this one did something interesting with the Psalms.

It kind of interspersed them throughout the different pieces of the Old Testament. where they felt like they were relevant. When I was reading through a different chronological Bible, they grouped the Psalms together almost by topics. Here are the Psalms about this for worship and here are the Psalms about this.

I think the thing that has stood out to me about it is a couple of things. One, There are just some weird parts of the Bible. There’s no other way to say it. There’s just, like, there was one time Like the talking donkey? Well, there’s the talking donkey, but I mean, there was a time where God told something like Jeremiah to throw his underwear in the river.

Yeah. And then Ezekiel hit some of the stuff that he did was just very strange. And

Steve: statues with all the faces, yeah, yes,

Carrie: yes, a lot of symbolism. And if you look at the whole theme of the scriptures, reading through chronologically, it’s like God has certain commands, God’s holy, and he’s like, Hey, I need you to follow these laws.

But because God’s all knowing, he already knew people were going to mess it up. It’s like, here’s your commands, of course they didn’t do what they were supposed to do. God said, okay, you’re getting shipped out of here, like, I’m going to have some people come in and conquer you, you’re going to be exiled, but I’m going to bring you back.

And so there’s this interesting parental balance. And I feel like we go through it as parents, right? It’s like, okay, strict versus gracious and loving. It’s like, you got to be strict at times and say, no, you’re not getting away with that. Get your little butt in time out. You know, you’re not acting right.

Like you don’t get to just haul off and hit me because I didn’t give you what you wanted. You have to get in time out. And then. There’s also these pieces of like, Hey, I love you. Come sit over here and let me talk with you or tell me about your day or what happened today. And I see that with God too. God saying, Hey, you’re in the wrong.

There were so many things going on. They’re like, you’re not treating the poor correctly. You’re not taking my ceremony seriously like that. He was speaking through the prophets, but then he said, okay, but I’m going to bring you back. And I love you. And I’m not letting you go. And I’m not ever giving up on you.

So, even when we mess, God has good plans for us. God wants to bring us back into relationship with him. That door is always open and anybody that’s hearing this, it feels like they’ve gone too far from God or they’re like, I just can’t get it together. God knows that and understands. He might be disciplining you through this process, but it’s before you’re good because he wants to bring you back into relationship with him in a healthy way.

Steve: And I’ve heard people say this, I’m just too far gone. There’s no such thing. You’re still living and breathing. You are not too far gone. I can think of an individual in my mind who was on their deathbed, taking, I don’t even know if they had seven breaths left in them, and they wanted Jesus right then and there.

They’re like, yeah, I knew him as a child. Let’s go back to that. And I thought, golly, they went their whole life practically from their twenties onto their deathbed. Just running, running from him, and then on their last few breaths, they realized in the reality of everything and their shame and their pride and whatever was holding them back before, he still loves me.

He hasn’t given up on me, even in your last seven breaths or whatever it is. So it’s never too late. He just wants to love us. Like you said, it’s the same way with parenting. A good parent, you always love your child, even in the midst of the kicking and the screaming and the chaos. And just like with God, you just want to spend good quality time with your child.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: When God wants out of us, spend some quality time with me. My goodness. Slow down for a minute. Stop being so selfish.

Carrie: And sometimes when we’re having a bad day, we just need love. Absolutely. Recently, with Faith, I’ve been telling her if she starts to get kind of whiny or fussy, I’m like, do you want me to hug the cranky out of you?

And sometimes I say that to her first thing in the morning because she wakes up a little cranky. So today I said, do you need me to hug the cranky out of you? And she’ll say, yes. And I’m like, okay, well, come here.

Steve: Yeah, I think she wakes up like I do, a little cranky, a little out of it, and she comes around.

And for the record, she’s 99 percent of the time, she’s sweet and fun loving. She’s at her best when other people are around though.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: So I used to joke and say, let’s just put a bunch of mannequins in the house or always have people over or something because that’s when she’s her best.

Carrie: That’s when she’s her best self.

Steve: I don’t think I want to potty train that way though.

Carrie: Uh, no, that’d be a little awkward. So give everybody your update on your SCA. So you have Spina Cerebellar Ataxia. And how has it been going this last year? Because that was kind of took up some of our first few episodes.

Steve: Well, my unbalanced is a little bit more balanced.

Don’t know if that makes sense, but I have a disease that part of it is, is that I’m unbalanced and nothing has really gotten worse for the most part. I’m still going through some of it. I still have the aches and the pains and the different little things. I’ll spare y’all the wah, but you take it day by day and you just deal with it.

Everybody has something, right? So, I haven’t really gotten anything major that’s new, which is great news. When I go to the neurologist next, I’m kind of interested to see if they see any changes, but my regular doctor, everything’s normal, good, with me in general, so that’s a good thing.

Carrie: As far as we know, your vision hasn’t changed over the last two years hasn’t changed.

Steve: There’s some minor things that I get, but it’s part of it. So yeah, having it not change any further, that’s a real blessing. If I lost complete sight today, I’d be okay with it. I mean, I could live with that. My prayer was answered in that I just wanted to see my daughter. That was it. And I’ve gotten to see so much of her, especially when she’s dancing around and being silly.

She’s got some dance moves, I’ll tell you. But anyways, it’s good to see that.

Carrie: Even in spite of all the challenges that we face and that you have, we’re living a blessed life right now and just are thankful for each day that you’re here and able to spend time with Faith and able to see her and able to be involved and do the things that you do.

So love and life in our new house and yes,

Steve: we’ve had a lot of changes this year haven’t we?

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: Goodnessvgracious.

Carrie: We have.

Steve: But all good. All good. I remember a couple years ago finding out my diagnosis and having faith and some of those things that went on. That was a tough year. Those changes were difficult.

These changes were things that do help us.

Carrie: Yeah. Things that we’ve been wanting. So now I have a bonus area upstairs where I can work and record the podcast, but for the most part, you don’t come up here. You did come up today, but for the most part, you don’t come upstairs.

Steve: This might be my fifth time upstairs, maybe.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: Fifth, I think fifth, but I do not come upstairs very often. That is not something I enjoy doing. That’s part of the reason we moved out of the other house was because of the stairs.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: But it’s nice for you. You can get away from me and not have to deal with me for a little while. Not that I’m that problematic, but it’s nice.

You can come up here and be by yourself and no issues.

Carrie: Well, thanks everyone for listening to our show today and telling you about our fourth year of marriage update. We are happy to be here and hopefully you got just what you needed out of this episode. That’s our prayer, but it’s a nice little, I think, almost journal entry for us once a year that we do.

Kind of update people on our relationship and on our year. Hopefully you can learn something from our stories. Until next time, may you be comforted by God’s great love for you. Were you blessed by today’s episode? If so, I’d really appreciate it if you would go over to your iTunes account or Apple Podcasts app on your computer if you’re an Android person.

And leave us a review. This really helps other Christians who are struggling with OCD be able to find our show. Christian Faith in OCD is a production of by the well Counseling Opinions given by our guests are their own, and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or by the Well counseling. This podcast is for informational purposes only, and should not be a substitute for seeking mental health treatment in your area.

81. On Becoming Parents: Year Two of Marriage with Steve and Carrie Bock

Written by Carrie Bock on . Posted in Podcast Episode.

Steve and I wanted to share some personal updates with you as we reached another milestone in our marriage.  

Episode Highlights:

  • How becoming parents changed us and affected our marriage
  • Our child-care setup
  • Staying positive while battling a rare chronic condition
  • Relying on faith and finding blessings amidst life’s challenges

Episode Summary:

Welcome to Christian Faith and OCD, episode 81. I’m Carrie Bock, joined by my husband, Steve, as we celebrate our second anniversary. We’ve come a long way from episode 10, where we first shared about dating, and episode 50, reflecting on our first year of marriage.

A Diagnosis Finally Confirmed
After a year and a half of tests at Vanderbilt, Steve was diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Ataxia (SCA), a genetic neurological disorder affecting balance. While the diagnosis brought relief in knowing what we were dealing with, it also introduced uncertainty. It wasn’t just an eye issue but a progressive condition affecting his cerebellum.

Coping with a Genetic Condition
Tracing the origins of SCA in Steve’s family has been difficult, unlike more familiar conditions like Alzheimer’s. The lack of a cure made the news challenging, but our previous concerns about Leber’s disease prepared us for living with an incurable condition. The future is uncertain, as SCA’s progression varies widely; some plateau, while others decline rapidly.

Embracing Humor and Hope
We’ve tried to keep things light—Steve even named his cane “Abel,” as a playful biblical nod. We considered making it a bit of fun with a Christian radio show, helping us find humor amid hardship.

Celebrating Two Years of Marriage
Despite challenges, our second year of marriage brought joy, especially with our daughter’s birth. Parenting has taught us to let go and embrace life’s unpredictability. Sleepless nights and teething struggles are tough, but we cherish these moments.

Steve’s SCA journey and our growing family remind us to find strength in adversity, cherish each day, and move forward with hope. Together, we’re learning to adapt and find joy in life’s challenges.

Explore Related Episode:

50. Doctor’s Offices, Prayers, and Our First Year of Marriage

Summary

Carrie: Welcome to Christian Faith and OCD, episode 81. I am your host, Carrie Bock, and I am here with my husband, Steve Bock. Say hello.

Steve: Hello, this is actually our second-anniversary episode. We came on episode 10 to talk about dating. That was right before we got married. We sat on the floor in the closet. Now the recording set-up is a little bit better but still in the closet, we are still in the closet. That’s a dream for the next house is we have a place to put the podcast studio. But until then, here we are.

A Long-Awaited Diagnosis

And we also did episode 50, which was on our first year of marriage. You talking about we had just gotten back from Vanderbilt, discussing, trying to figure out what was going on with your eyes and all of that. All of the tests that they did on you six hours and really didn’t find the results. Now we’re here. We’re gonna be married for two years. Yes. Yeah. And this will come right out shortly after our anniversary. So you finally got a diagnosis as of last week?

Steve: That’s correct. Finally. Yeah. It took a year and a half. I think something like that. After several visits to several places, long story short, we got a diagnosis. Knew that something was wrong, but did not know what, and a diagnosis is good in one sense, because you now know what you’re fighting against and then a little scary in another sense because you know what you’re fighting against.

So yeah. But yes, we got a diagnosis, which is, let’s see, I’ve been practicing on this one, cuz it’s a long, long name. First time I heard it, I went do what and I had to look it up, but the abbreviated version of it would be SCA, which is Spinocerebellar ataxia

Carrie: Good job.

Steve: And for the record, that is the first time I’ve said that correctly without having to look at it first. But yes, I’ve been working on that. I don’t know why that’s so difficult to say, but it is. Yes,

Carrie: Yes it is. You had been referred to a neurologist and then specialty neurologist back up at Vanderbilt and they were the ones to figure out that this actually wasn’t an eye issue. This was a neurological issue affecting your cerebellum. And part of that was you started to have balance issues that got worse progressively. Right. And that was like one indicator that we knew. “Wait a minute, what else is going on here?”

Steve: And the eye issue was secondary.

Carrie: Yeah. And this is a genetic condition that we have no idea about.

Steve: There’s I think three ways that you can get it, but we think that it’s genetic because the other two options, and I can’t even remember what they are off the top of my head, but they don’t match up. Exactly. So it could be one of those, but I don’t think so. Mm-hmm yes. It’s genetic. I don’t know where to look. The family tree was. I don’t know where to go with that because it only goes back so far for me. I can tell you who’s who to a certain point, but I don’t know their health situation at all.

Carrie: And as far as we know, none of them had this.

Steve: No. We had some other things going on. Mm. Yeah. Lou Gehrig’s and Alzheimer’s, but not this.

Carrie: Recognizing that this is a chronic condition, something that they can treat symptoms for, but there is no cure for right. What was it like to get that news?

Steve: Somewhat shocking, somewhat not. Initially, we thought when we just thought it was the eyes we thought it was, if I’m saying this right Leber’s disease because I also had the symptoms for that.

Some but that, I don’t think there’s a cure for that either. And so with thinking about that for some time, when they told me that again, we kind of, weren’t sure about that one and that was kind of a, eh, maybe not, but it mentally prepared me for the concept of having something that’s not curable. Mm-hmm and just because it’s not curable.

That doesn’t mean that I’m going to die tomorrow. There’s no guarantee of how long anyone lives for that matter, but that’s true. Very true. Also when this type of ataxia, there are 40 plus variance of it. So some of those start at childhood, some of those start later in life. Some people live to be somewhat older. There’s no way to know. And until we get further along, we don’t have enough to go on to know exactly which one that I would.

Carrie: Yeah, I think that’s the hardest part about it for me is that there are so many unknowns. They really can’t tell us anything about how this course is going to go. We’ve even heard, you know, Hey, you could plateau and not decline.

Right? We’ve heard some people decline more rapidly than others and one hopeful. That was made. Was that because it has taken you so long to show these level of symptoms that most likely your decline would be slow? Sure. In a sense, the past is a predictor of the future. That does give us some hope.

It’s hard for me not knowing if our daughter has inherited this. Right. And whether or not she will be affected by it later in life. They won’t test her because they want that to be. Her decision when she turns 18. So as long as she doesn’t show any symptoms prior to she won’t be tested, unless she decides to be through genetic counseling and so forth, that is a hard piece because when we were looking at, you know, is this disease or not Li’s disease actually has a very much quicker onset than the symptoms that you were experiencing. People tend to be legally blind pretty quickly with that, right?

Steve: That only runs through your mother’s side. So in that case, and it affects mostly, I think all males, so comes from your mother affects the males that made me feel a little better for her. Now I do the math in my head and I think of how many family members I have.

And I think, well, I’m not good at stating the odds on any given thing, but I would have to think that the odds are a little better for her only in the sense that none of my family has shown anything like this. so that would tell me maybe it’s skipped so many generations. I don’t know, but that gives me some hope.

It’s a tricky one for sure. And it’s scary. Yeah. In a lot of ways, honestly. Am I scared? No, I don’t know that I am trying to deal with it. That’s where the focus is. What measures do you take for balance? And then we’ve worked on that and that’s kind of where my focus.

Carrie: Yeah. And I just appreciate it, I think that you have had a sense of humor about the whole thing. Tell them what you asked me today,

Steve: Which one? Naming the cane?

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: Well, I thought of a couple of names. I think the first one that I asked you was what if we named it able. Because, you know, Cain and Abel, if you know your Bible, if you don’t, well, you’re gonna have to look that up and find it and learn it.

That’s a good story, but yes, I wanted to name it Abel. And then the second one, I think that we may have chosen was Walkie or the assistant but that just, I don’t know. I can’t imagine being in a restaurant, losing the cane and going where’s the assistant , you know, that just, I don’t know that that’s gonna work out well. Although, I don’t know that where’s walkie is gonna be any better. They’ll be looking for a dog or something. But anyway, we thought about, you know, submitting it to the Wally show to see if they would name the cane, but what would they name it? Yeah. If you have any good names for the cane, you can write into the show and that’s a Christian radio show.

Carrie: Yes,

Steve: Yeah. Where they try to name it for those who aren’t familiar with that

Parenting and the Joy of a New Baby

Carrie: We mainly wanted to update people on that, but then also shift gears and talk about our second year of marriage had a lot of joys to it and had some sorrows, but also our greatest joy of course, was having our daughter who is now sleeping in the crib. We had to wait till she fell asleep.

Steve: Yes. The FOMO is real. Is that a phrase? It ought to. Yes, I think so. Yeah. She definitely has a fear of missing out

Carrie: And she definitely feels like has been teething forever. Yes. I did not realize how much of a labor-intensive process it was to get teeth in your mouth before having a child.

What has it been like for you becoming a parent? How has that affected you and changed you?

Steve: Oh, goodness. I have always been a person who likes routine and a person who has had some structure. I get up early in the morning. I brush my teeth. I do certain things in order, I get my breakfast, get my coffee, give everything in order.

And everyone that knows me, knows that well, have a baby goodbye routine. Pretty much. Yeah. And the thing you have to do with a baby is what form a routine. So it’s difficult, but you know, I learned to work with the. And be prepared for any interruption because it, it happens constantly. When I was trying to make my routine work, I was constantly annoyed with the idea that I couldn’t get anything done.

And then we got some patterns going and I learned routines and what worked with her now I can actually get things done, but having the baby definitely changed my world completely. And honestly for the better, definitely. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. She is just absolutely wonderful. Always happy, always smiling and sticks her tongue out at me a lot, which is just kind of funny. yeah. So it’s definitely changed me. It’s been a good experience, but getting out even to do something is like mowing the grass. If she’s fussy and having a bad day. I may have to put that off a little longer because you have things to do too.

We both have to share that. And so you just learn, you know, if your mowing day is always it on this day at this time. Well, if you have a child, you can kiss that goodbye, but it’s been good.

Carrie: I would say that if you do it right, it helps you realize how much you have to give and how much you have to sacrifice what you want for the sake of your child.

And it’s helped me really learn to let go of some control. I think that that’s something that I still struggle with, helped me learn to go with the flow a lot more and just kind of take things as they come. There were definitely some early days that were really, really hard. She was amazing for about the first three weeks.

And then she started cluster feeding. I was exhausted. She had gas and probably about that week three through, I don’t know, week seven or week 10, it was just, I thought, how in the world am I ever gonna be able to go back to work? I took three months off. And fortunately, right around the time I went back to work, she started sleeping more through the night. So that was been a blessing thing.

Steve: And she is a great child. Like all children, you know, she has her moments and it’s nice now that she’s sleeping through the. It was difficult when she wasn’t. And I would say when she doesn’t get her naps throughout the day. Oh my goodness. That’s a difficulty for starters. I miss my nap when she doesn’t.

Transitioning to Stay-at-Home Parenthood

Carrie: We have a unique situation childcare-wise too, because I stayed home for three months with her, for maternity leave, gave my clients kind of alternative people to see if they needed to check in with somebody or see someone for that time period. And then as. We were in that process of looking at daycares.

And I had looked at daycares when I was pregnant, put myself on several waiting lists. Middle Tennessee is just exploding. Booming places are short staffed, you know, right now. And it was hard to. Find a daycare that was a quality place that had an opening for an infant because, you know, the ratios are so much lower too for that age group, far as they can only have four infants per one adult.

And at some point very early in her life, I’d say probably within the first month, I just looked at you one day and, and we were both sitting there and I just said, you know, will you pray about staying at home with her? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you remember that?

Steve: I do. And you know, my first thought was, I just don’t see myself as a stay-at-home dad.

I’ve always been, go, go, go, gotta work. Like if you’re only working one job, something’s wrong with you? No, I do not think that any longer, but I used to bit of a workaholic. And so for you to ask me that I thought, wait a minute. So I’ll be home with the baby. Not that, that isn’t a lot of work. It is, but being stuck in the house just didn’t seem like me.

Yeah. And then I decided to do it because of health situations and financially it made sense. Mm-hmm and also I got to thinking, you know, we can raise this child with the values that we have and we want, so after I got to thinking about it, it was kind of a no brain. Why wouldn’t I do this? I thought about how many children grow up without a dad?

Yeah. Or dad’s just too busy because he’s working so often. And I thought, you know, I can be that dad that’s there for, so not that I’m trying to be the hero, but I want her to have her best life possible. So it was a no-brainer after that I had to do it. Yeah. And I have no regrets. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Carrie: I think when you’re an older parent, it’s like you have more of the mental and emotional capacity for the child, but less of the physical capacity. Yes. We’re just both like, “Ah, I’m so tired.”

Steve: Yes. There are days I’m like, I am just, I don’t even feel like eating dinner. I just wanna go to bed, but it’s good.

Carrie: Yeah, we really evaluated it and looked at how much working full time was affecting your health. And you were getting more headaches from looking at the computer screen. You were exhausted at the end of the day. And we thought, well, you know, you’re really gonna be working to pay for daycare and. what sense is that we were able to get some health insurance and that was an answer to prayer for sure.

Steve: Definitely

Carrie: That worked out. And then it was like, okay, once that piece was in, you were like, what am I gonna put in my notice? And you were excited about kind of the new venture. Absolutely. It was harder for me going back to work and really trusting that you were gonna have things taken care of?

I think because I had just been so focused on her for so long and then having to switch gears into focusing on my business, rebuilding things, finding out which clients wanted to come back and which didn’t. and I will tell those of you who do not know. So I came back from maternity leave on June 1st.

This summer was probably the slowest summer on record. And summer is typically a slower time of the year for therapists because people are gone on vacation. You know, kids are at home from school, people are busier and it’s sunny outside and they. Go outside to the lake and have a good time. Whereas the winter months, times in October or in February, tend to be a little bit busier than the summertime.

So it was rough in the beginning trying to build a caseload back up. And then I would hear faith crying in the other room and I wanted to like go run and get her, but I couldn’t, That is super super tough for me. It’s easier now because you’ve had some time and I trust you that you’re taking care of it. But in the beginning I felt like this need to like to go run and rescue you and her at the same time.

Navigating Challenges as a Married Couple and Parents

Steve: Sure. It will. And when you are as a guy, I wasn’t used to that. You know, I love babies always have, but getting one to stop crying and knowing the specific cries, which is a language all in itself, but learning that and how to cope.

And if I get annoyed, that affects her. And so changing the routine around and making that work. Oh my goodness. That was a hard thing to do at first. There is a bit of a baby bootcamp to go through, I think, but once you get through it and you know, it, I don’t know if it becomes easier. It is more manageable though. Yeah. I guess it’s easier, but. I’m scared to say that, cuz I’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll just be crazy or something anyways.

Carrie: Raising a child is a little bit like doing therapy in the sense that as therapists, we go to these conferences and they teach us something. Right. And they’re like, “This is amazing. It works so great with clients. It’s awesome.” You know, you’re just gonna see life transformation and you’re all pumped. Right. And you’re like, okay, I got my three-step process. I know what to do. And then you try it out. First client and it does not work. It like falls flat either. You, you know, you did something wrong or it just didn’t work the way it was supposed to.

And parenting for me has been very much been like that. I have the baby books I read, you know, okay. It says do this, or it says do that, but then really you have to learn your baby and you have to learn like what they respond to what’s best for them. And trust me, it is totally not always gone by the book and.

At different points made me anxious like there was a, I guess I just wanna share this for other moms too. There was a period where she just would not sleep in the bassinet. It was just like, hang it up. She was not gonna do it. And the only place I could get her to sleep was to swing. And I was so felt just this sense of angst and guilt going, but the rules say I’m supposed to lay her on her back and I’m supposed to lay her in the crib and she’s not supposed to sleep in the swing.

And you know what, if I harm her and what if she stops breathing or something, but we did it and you know what she slept. And it was important for her to get her sleep. And it was important for us to get our sleep. So our first trip away from the home with the baby, we took the swing with us.

Steve: Thank goodness we did.

Carrie: Yes. We had a little Memorial day getaway before I went back to work and you became a full-time dad. So yeah,

Steve: We traded places there. I will say the swing worked great. And also, and whoever told me this, I just, I owe you like a thousand hugs or a million dollars or something, but put the baby on the dryer,

Carrie: I think that was somebody at your work that done that.

Steve: Yeah. And yes, it was. And when I first heard, I was like, put the baby on the dryer. That sounds crazy. but then you hit this moment where, okay, this baby, she is screaming at the top of her lungs. I cannot stop her. She’s hyperventilating. I don’t know what to do.

I think I’m hyperventilating. So I pick her up and we go down to the dryer. I think you even said, didn’t you say something about the dryer? Sure. Let’s. We go, we put the baby on the dryer. She stops, she just stares at us and it actually worked. So mom’s out there. If you’ve never tried it or dads do it, it worked.

Carrie: Yeah. Something about, the vibration. Yeah. When you turn it on, they really like it. How do you feel like becoming a parent has affected our marriage?

Steve: I think, honestly, bears with me on this statement, but it will either make you or break you.

Carrie: I would agree with that.

Strengthening Communication and Support

Steve: And for us, I think it’s definitely strengthened us. The problem, I think it is is everyone has a way that they think is right. But as a married couple, you have to work together. And when the baby’s screaming, you don’t have time to figure out. Okay. What do you think? Well, what do you think? No, you gotta calm this baby down. The longer you leave the baby crying, the worse it is.

And so in most cases, I feel like, so we really had to work together and just roll with things and not get angry with one another. And we just had to make it work. And I think that we get to a point where we just know we’re like, oh, the baby’s hungry. We know that. Let’s feed the baby or whatever. Whereas initially, that wasn’t the case.

It was, why is this baby crying? What did we do wrong? And I think some couples could easily say, it’s your fault. You did this, you know, but we figured out a way to make it work

Carrie: or to give each other ideas without getting defensive,

Steve: Yes. Which is so easy to do, especially when you have this little tiny being that is screaming in a way that should not be humanly possible. I do not know how she screams that loudly. The other thing that worked really well. When we had company over, she was like the best. I don’t know how that works. Not that she’s ever that bad, honestly, we’re very blessed, but she rarely cries with company. She’s just even happier. She’s just a social butterfly. And so, yeah, we love company now.

Carrie: I knew that you were gonna be a good dad because you were so supportive. And so open, like during the pregnancy process. And that was really great. You went through the classes with me and,

Steve: Oh, those were so much fun. I remember when you said, oh, we’ve got classes, let’s do them.

And I said, all right, that’s fine. You know? And then I found out that they were gonna be on Sunday, which during Sunday evening that yeah. And I was like, oh, But, you know, you get over. That’s so stupid. I sound like an old man. I can’t miss my nap, but I did. And you know, I learned a ton out of it. I really did.

And we even went to CPR class and we did a couple of things that were just. You know, I like to learn, so it was good. it was good. And you’ve been a great mom for that matter while we’re dishing out compliments here. You’ve been a wonderful mom.

Carrie: Yeah. And there is a doula actually took a couple of pictures while I was in labor. I didn’t realize that she took these pictures, but it’s basically of you like supporting me during the labor process. And I look at those and I’m just like, oh, like it just kind of, you really like makes me. You know, warm and fuzzy inside, because that was a very hard time for me. The pregnancy was actually much tougher than the labor was. But going through labor is not super fun,

Steve: And you know how they show it. I’ve never had a child before. Well, I guess technically I still never had a child, you know, you’ve never birthed a child. Right. I’ve never birthed a child before, but that’s probably a good thing. The way that they show it on TV is not reality clearly.

Carrie: Yeah.

Steve: And man, no one gave me a cigar. Not that I’d have smoked it, but no one gave me one of course, whatever, but I wasn’t sitting, waiting in some outside lobby, some. I was in the room with you and there was no break. I remember thinking, well, I think I’ll go get lunch now. And then I looked at you and you’re like, oh no, you won’t

And I was like, no, I won’t. And not that you were rude. I just, I thought things were good and Nope, snack borrow work, or just, well, nevermind, I don’t need anything, but we worked together and that was the first sign that, you know what? You got a parent together. I guess the birth thing you were doing, 99% of the work ladies don’t get like, oh, what’s he think.

But no, you were doing all the work, but it starts there. You know, you, you do what you gotta do. If somebody’s hurting, you gotta be there for ’em, especially if it’s your spouse, And during the labor process, my goodness, I can’t think of it a better time to give support. So we met at work. We had to work together.

Carrie: There used to be this belief that husband shouldn’t be present during labor. I can’t remember why the doctors had some theory on this. And I read in a book that this man actually handcuffed himself to his pregnant wife, smart man. So he could be with her during labor and really changed that process. And how doctors looked at it now.

Steve: Absolutely

Carrie: Most fathers are in the delivery room that are involved anyway. We’ve had some other stressful experiences this year. And I would say that those aren’t necessarily things that were ready to talk about or appropriate to talk about, but it seemed like when it rained, it poured.

Steve: Absolutely. It’s been a challenging year, but at the same time in those challenges, there’s always growth. Yeah. You know, you really, when you’re up against something, you find out who you are, you find out that you cannot handle all of this by yourself. And I’m very thankful that we have one another, you know, to lean on because without church and God, and, and being married and, and those things and having that support system that we have, man, I don’t know how we’d have made it through some of this,

Carrie: Right. Just people that have lifted us up in prayer and talked to us and checked in on. You know, even people that know about your health and waiting for a diagnosis, just being able to tell those people like, okay, well, here we are. This is where, where we’re at and what we’re facing. And this is what we’re looking at in the future.

I think you and I have had to lean on each other a lot. For venting about various issues and processing different things as they’ve come up in a way that spouses should do. But I don’t think everybody does. Right. I don’t think everybody opens themselves up fully vulnerably to their spouse to process through what they’re thinking and feeling about the situations in their life that happen to them.

Learning and Growing Together

Steve: Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve learned too that it’s impossible for me to have all the answers mm-hmm so I don’t try to have answers for everything. And usually, the answer to the problem is listen. And so I’ve had to really work hard. Not that I was a terrible listener. But I’ve had to work really hard at listening, which I’m still working on.

That takes time. That doesn’t happen overnight. But a lot of the things that we’ve dealt with have required listening. Yeah. Because there’s no easy answer. Mm-hmm you just, sometimes you have to get it out of your system and vent. And if I’m venting, you listen. And if you’re venting, I listen. That’s just the way that it is.

But listening is, is a big deal, you know, that’s, that’s just, I, I always hear it and I always believe it. I hear people say all the time, you know, God gave you one mouth in two years, so you probably should listen twice as much. Right. It’s true.

Very true. Yeah. And I think those things have grown us closer to God in prayer and closer to each other as we’ve kind of weaned on each other, through these processes. And having our daughter there has been helpful too, because. When you’re down or something’s just difficult. And you’ve got this baby that is just giggling and smiling and sticking her tongue out at you, you cannot be mad. You cannot be upset with life. I really believe our daughter has this gift and that is to be an encourager. She doesn’t even know words yet, but we just kind of pass her around for the hugs and smiles and it just really lightens the mood. It changes the focal point from your problem to just this happy little girl that just wants nothing more than to make you happy. Just been a blessing.

Finding Blessings in the Midst of Challenges

Carrie: I think about that too. And just that Faith was conceived and born really during some dark times and some emotional struggles, but. She’s a reminder of the goodness of God and of the faithfulness of God. You know, when people ask, like, why did you name your daughter faith? It’s like, well, you know, it took a lot of faith for us to get to this point to be alone and then to be older and find each other, not know if we could have a child or not and have her, I really believe that she was born for a purpose in, in God’s plan. And had we received this diagnosis before we got pregnant? We probably would’ve said, you know, I, I don’t think we should do this. I don’t think we should go through with this. So she showed up at just the right time and part of my process right now.

Just trusting God one day at a time to be able to give me the strength to make it through the day, but also to know that he’s in control, that he loves us and that he’s gonna take care of us, regardless of what happens that he’s gonna provide for our needs. That hopefully next time, you know, when we record this in a couple of years, that we’ll be in one storey house.

Just believing that very excited for that day. Yeah. yeah, that she won’t have to traverse the stairs that are in her home and yeah, just knowing that God is good and he loves us. And even in the dark times that he’s still here, he’s still present he’s for us. And that keeps us going just one day at a time, one step at a time.

Embracing the Present and Looking to the Future

I think for me too, living in the moment, learning so much about mindfulness, applying that during my pregnancy, just trying to get through the back pain that I was dealing with at the time it’s allowed me to manage these situations much better because I realized I can only deal with what we have today.

So today was about getting your cane in the mail and you starting to learn how to use it. Today wasn’t the day to worry about, are you gonna end up in a wheelchair because we’re not there? No, and we hope to not be there for sure. but you know, when those thoughts enter my mind, it’s like, okay, you know, pause right now.

We’re thankful every day that Steve can walk, we’re thankful for every day that you get to see your daughter grow up. There was a time period, you know, where it’s like praying that God would preserve your sight. That you’d be able to see her even be born. We just didn’t know. Right. There was so much, we didn’t know at the time that God has allowed you to do that. And learning about this diagnosis has just really reinforced the decision to have you be a stay-at-home dad because now you’re getting more quality time with her. Right. And I love being able to work from home and online and kind of see her during lunch and in between clients.

I don’t have a commute. It’s just been a huge blessing for our family to be able to. Involved in her life. And there’s so much, I think that could have derailed this podcast from continuing, but we’re still here, you know, it’s, it’s still here two years later. That’s right. And after just everything that we’ve gone through, I’m so thankful for that.

I’m thankful for the people that find us that tune. And you know, are willing to listen to me, ramble and fumble through interviewing people. And just have, you know, an amazing teammate as well, that works behind the scenes with me to do our editing, social media and those types of things.

Steve: We are so blessed.

I hope that as a listener, you don’t hear this or someone doesn’t hear this and think my gosh, they got some problems. No, I, I hope you see that we are. That. Yes. There’s something I’ve been diagnosed with, but God’s still blessing me and I was thinking I can’t help, but think of our dear friend who you just had on recently, I don’t remember what the 76 is that it, I can’t remember, but..

Carrie: Don’t remember the number was John Bennett.

Steve: Yes. And we actually spoke with him recently. He and his lovely wife. What an encouragement. He says with what he has, that God’s blessed him. He wouldn’t trade, change it for anything. And when I first heard that, I was like, “Are you crazy? No one wishes cancer on themselves.” But he has such a good attitude about it.

And I thought, my gosh, if I can just have that attitude and see the blessings and not the bad and see that I have a wonderful wife who supports me and I have a beautiful daughter and we just have a good support system. We go to church here. We just love what we have and God has blessed us dearly.

It hasn’t always been. But it’s just better and better every day. So there’s a purpose in it. And that’s the part that I have to see.

Carrie: Yes. And if anybody happens to know anybody with SCA, because it’s just so rare and we’ve looked into some support groups, but we have yet to really meet anybody that’s dealt with that.

So if you wanna drop us a line at the podcast we’d love to hear from me too and learn about your story. I think when we try to explain it to other people, they’re just like what? I’ve never heard of that. And we’re like, well, we hadn’t heard of it either. So right. We’re in the same boat with you.

Steve: And you know, the other thing is I thought when I heard of this, what’s the first thing you do. You try to find somebody famous that has it that way you can say, “well, you know, so, and so has this, you know, the actor or the singer.” There’s no one that’s famous that has this. And so I don’t know, maybe famous people, if you’re famous, you don’t get it.

Maybe that’s the key to get rid of it. I don’t know. But, there are no famous people that have it, that I’m aware of and I’ve looked and I’ve gone on to different groups. And that’s the key thing I hear is who’s famous that has it. And everyone says no one.

Carrie: If we were to ask you a closing question, this has kind of been a story of hope so far. So we won’t ask you the story of hope question, but what would you tell your younger self? Like if we could fast forward, back to our interview a year ago, when we were at first year of marriage, six hours of appointment, no answer. What would you tell yourself?

Steve: Just be patient and know that God’s in control that no matter the outcome he’s in control because there was definitely a time where even just right until I found out what this diagnosis is that I thought this is useless.

We’re spending time, money, effort, resources, whatever to find out an answer that I don’t, I’m not convinced we’re ever gonna find out. And when you have a rare disease that makes it more difficult to diagnose it. Yeah. That might be the reason it took so long. And, and when you’re going to the specialist, the people that should know, and they can’t find out and you keep, you get referred to these places and you get all these tests and they just aren’t getting answers.

You feel like a pin cushion after a while or at least I was getting, I don’t know if I was discouraged just to the point where, okay, enough’s enough. I don’t think we’re gonna find the answer.

Carrie: You actually looked at me and told me that probably about a month before your neurology specialty neurology appointment, you said, I don’t think they’re gonna find it.

Steve: I didn’t, I really didn’t. And you know, they did, and that changes me because now. As I said earlier, I know what I’m fighting against. So I think if you’re in a situation where you don’t think you’re gonna get the answers and you’re not getting the answers, you know what be patient, because God knows the answers.

God knows what you need. Yeah. And the anxiety from it is just not worth it. The amount fret that you have, if that’s a way to say that the worry that you have from it is probably not worth it.

Carrie: I would encourage people not to give up hope and to keep seeking the person that has the answers that you need, or the knowledge base that you need in order to have a diagnosis or to get better.

I know from clients that I’ve talked to in the past who were misdiagnosed, or, you know, maybe they had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but they really had PTSD. And you explained to. You’re telling me about all these traumatic things that you’ve been through. Here are some of the symptoms of PTSD.

This is actually something that’s highly treatable. We can work through this trauma and we can help you get to a better place. That’s so encouraging and so hopeful for them or for somebody who is dealing with obsessions, that makes them feel like, well, I must be crazy or I must be horrible. But then when they learn, they have O C D there’s this.

That comes to it as well. Like, oh, this is a condition. It has a treatment, you know, I can get better. I may be waxing and waning throughout my life, but I can be in a better place than I am right now. I know that we had people tell us, even like, Hey, if you have to, you know, go to the Mayo clinic, then go to the Mayo clinic.

Like don’t give up on yourself. Find the answers. Thankfully, we just had to get to the correct specialists at Vanderbilt. Yeah. That we needed to see who was just incredibly nice and compassionate were appreciative of him.

Steve: I would say too. And you said this to me before that it would be difficult if I were still single. I don’t know how I would’ve handled this. It would’ve been very, very difficult. And I would say if you are single or in a situation where you feel like you’re alone with something, don’t do it alone, get a prayer partner. You know, you can call your church. If you have one and say, “Hey, would you pray for me?”

Do not do it alone because that’s the worst thing you could do. I support the people who have prayed for me, the people who have stood beside me, Carrie, who’s been right there the whole time. That means so much. That’s what gets you through your day sometimes when you really want to give up, you’re like, I’m done with this.

This is so terrible. And then they’re right there, cheering you on. You can do this and it just, makes a world of difference. So don’t do it alone.

Carrie: Yeah, of course, as always. It was great to have you back on the podcast. Thank you everyone for tuning in and listening to us ramble about our second year of marriage.

Steve: Yeah, thanks for having me, by the way, I enjoy this.

Christian Faith and OCD is a production of By the Well Counseling. Our show is hosted by me, Carrie Bock, a licensed professional counselor in Tennessee. Opinions given by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the use of myself or By the Well Counseling. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum. Until next time may you be comforted by God’s great love for you.