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Author: Carrie Bock

Carrie Bock is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Smyrna, TN who helps people get to a deeper level of healing without compromising their faith. She specializes in working with Christians struggling with OCD who have also experienced childhood trauma, providing intensive therapy for individuals who want to heal at a faster pace than traditional therapy.

18. ERP is Not the Only Option for OCD

Today I am flying solo to discuss my own experience of learning about Exposure and Response Prevention Prevention and why I ultimately went back to using EMDR to treat OCD. 

  • The reason ERP is so widely recommended for OCD treatment
  • The problem with psychological studies: People are complex 
  • Problems I saw firsthand with ERP
  • Benefits of using EMDR to treat OCD

Exposure and response prevention for obsessive-compulsive disorder: A review and new directions:   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6343408/

Studies on EMDR and OCD: https://www.emdria.org/public-resources/emdr-therapy-and-ocd/

One Therapist’s Story of Discovering Her Scrupulosity OCD with Rachel Hammons
Panic Attacks, OCD, and God: A Personal Story with Mitzi VanCleve

Support the show 

See more:

The Power Of EMDR For Anxiety

More Podcast Episodes

Transcript

Welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD, episode 18. On today’s show, it’s a solo episode. So you just get me and I want to continue this conversation that I started with Sarah about EMDR as a treatment option for OCD. I’m really excited to share this with you because I feel like when people start talking about OCD, that the very next thing they start talking about is exposure and response prevention (ERP)

I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with exposure and response prevention, or as we’re going to call it ERP for this episode. What I am saying is that there are more options than just ERP for treating OCD. ERP has helped a lot of people. And so if it’s helped you then more power to you, that’s awesome.

 I’m so thankful and glad but if you feel like you’ve struggled with ERP or you feel like you want to learn about a potential different option then this show is for you. 

The reason that ERP is so most often recommended for OCD is because this treatment option has been researched more than others treatment options. And let me tell you about psychological studies and how those typically work. When someone is studying a condition such as OCD, they’re typically trying to only study OCD. And a lot of times we’ll rule out people who have what we would call dual diagnosis. They have more than one diagnosis on record. [00:02:10] I had a hospital reach out via email several years ago saying, “Hey, we saw that you see people with OCD and we are trying to do this research study. Would you let people know?” And I emailed them right back. And I said, “well, would my clients be ruled out if they also had PTSD.” And they said, “yes, they absolutely would be rolled out.”

At that point, I realized that whatever they were studying ceased to be relevant to the actual clients that I see in my practice. I often see people who are not only dealing with OCD, but they also have a history of childhood trauma. The other thing I want to bring up about psychological studies is that there’s a lot that we don’t know. Psychology is a relatively young science. While we’ve learned many things over the years about how the brain works and how different methods of therapies work and how some therapies are better for certain diagnosis, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. And the types of people that we see in counseling, they don’t fit. Just say standard one size fits all profile. Something that often happens. Whenever I go to a new training, you will learn about something like, “Oh, we have this really great method,” and they’ll show you the success stories. They may even show you video of it working well with a client that they worked with with permission. Obviously, we don’t just videotape people. We ask for their permission for learning and education purposes. But they may have these great examples. And then inevitably you will take that back and you’ll say, “Hey, can I try this new technique with you that I learned?” And it may work on the first person that you try it with and you may try it with a few other people. [00:04:18] And inevitably it doesn’t matter what the psychological technique is, you will run into someone that it just doesn’t work for that you have to revamp or adapt it differently or use something else entirely. And that’s one of the reasons that I want to expose you listeners on the show to a wide variety of mental health treatment options for anxiety and OCD because I don’t think that there is a one size fits all. And a lot of times when people look at counseling. They lump it as one big thing.  I tried counseling and then, you know, that didn’t really work for me but there are many different types of counseling and I hope this show is kind of helping you and exposing you to some of that.

So let’s talk about my background with ERP that I wanted to share with you. I had an experience where I went to a two-day training on exposure and response prevention. The reason that I sought out that training in the first place was because I was seeing a lot of clients with anxiety that was really starting to become a niche of my practice. [00:05:40] So seeing people with trauma and people with anxiety, And I started to see that when certain clients would have peak levels of stress, they would start to engage in some OCD compulsions. And it made me realize that if I was going to see people with anxiety, I was really going to have to understand more about OCD, how it’s approached and try to figure out how to help these people who were experiencing OCD symptoms in peak stress points.

So I went to this training. It was very professional training, excellent information on OCD, excellent information on exposure and response prevention, how to start utilizing it in your practice. It certainly didn’t make me an expert on it or anything, but it was enough to get me started, to start working with some people that, had a diagnosis of OCD, not just had a few symptoms here or there. That point. I started seeing some people who were coming out of inpatient treatment, where they had received treatment for OCD and they needed some follow-up with their ERP. There were some patterns that I was starting to notice and particular patterns that I wasn’t comfortable with. One pattern I noticed with these individuals was that they seem to be carrying a lot of shame. It was either shame related to past trauma, self-esteem issues or even just having the OCD diagnosis in general and having to deal with that on a day-to-day basis. So that was a level of concern for me because I don’t want people to be stuck in shame. I had to ask myself, is it a win if people stop engaging in compulsion? if they’re still carrying around a baggage of shame. That just didn’t seem to jive with me or, or feel good in my practice. I also worried about whether or not ERP could be contributing to some of that shame because part of the process of ERP at times is to track certain behaviors, such as times where you engaged in a compulsion and times where you didn’t. I noticed these clients also had an untreated trauma history as well, which since I was a trauma therapist, that concerned me.

The main issue I had with ERP though seem to be what I call a glorified whack-a-mole process. Really targeting symptoms instead of getting to the root of the issue. This seemed horribly inefficient because one you would target one theme or one compulsive behavior then another obsessional theme with another compulsion would pop up right behind it.

What I’ve learned from trauma therapy is that you can treat symptoms all day long, but if you don’t treat the issue underneath that’s driving the behavioral symptoms, you’re not going to get very far. It’s going to be a lot harder. It’s going to be a struggle like swimming upstream. 

I had one experience where a very skilled and trained ERP therapist told me that she banned prayer for a client that was dealing with scrupulosity. That bothered me as well because I’m not going to ban a behavior that’s crucial and critical to someone’s faith practice. The idea of exposure and response prevention, which we’ve talked a little bit about in previous episodes is that, ultimately your goal is to have a client be able to sit with the obsession without acting on the compulsion. Doing this inside of session with the therapist, as well as outside of the session for practice, for homework.  And the ideas to be able to sit with that until the anxiety level drops. That can be really challenging and very distressing for clients. If they’re able to get through it, then there is a certain level of success and accomplishment that they feel. But sometimes the difficulty level of ERP contributes to the dropout rate. 

One study that I read that I will put in the show notes for you is that ERP has a 20 to 30% dropout rate and ERP has a 50% success rate in terms of symptom remission. So here we have a lot of people promoting ERP as a treatment option for OCD, and there’s a 50% success rate.

I want you to just think about that for a minute. There’s few things that we would recommend that had a 50% success rate. If you’re dealing with obsessions and compulsions that are wrecking your life, 50% sounds like a pretty good gamble of something to bet on that it may work for you. The problem that I have is hearing from other professionals that this is an automatic go-to treatment and this is what’s been studied and you really shouldn’t look into anything else. Sometimes other treatment options are discouraged and I have a problem with that because I think that we all should remain humble as professionals and recognize that different people need different things or different approaches.

I want to tell you a little bit about what I’ve been able to do with EMDR therapy with clients who have OCD. Ultimately, I decided to go back to what I knew and to adapt EMDR for the treatment of OCD. One of the things that I like about it is that it helps reduce the body level internal distress that people experience. A lot of times what I’ve seen is that individuals with OCD are able to go in their head. They’re able to solve problems. They’re able to kind of mentally escape from emotions and difficult distressing physical sensations. So by utilizing EMDR we’re able to work at a body level on reducing that physiological distress that people experience.

In the initial preparation phases, I’m working with people on things like mindfulness, distress tolerance skills to be able to sit with difficult emotional experiences. And often as they’re able to do that, they start to feel a little bit better. We definitely target the shame piece with education about OCD. Sometimes, that’s the first EMDR target is dealing with that shame versus trying to deal with the OCD. What I’ve found is that if people can release the shame first, then that helps them be able to engage in the next part of therapy, dealing with the obsessions and compulsions. EMDR starts with what’s going on in the present and then looks at what past memories may be contributing to the present experience because it approaches things that way. You’re really able to get down to the root of what’s going on instead of just working on various symptoms. 

Sometimes the root has to do with control, either dealing with things that are outside of one’s control or feeling this need to be in control or be perfect in some way. Sometimes it has to do with vulnerability. There can be all kinds of different things underneath that layer. 

So this is a process. There’s a process of dealing with the shame piece and developing self-compassion. There’s a process in learning some skills to manage day-to-day when the OCD arises. And then there’s this deeper layer of really getting to the root of what experiences contributed to this development in the first place. And what I’ve found is when you’re able to do those things with that process, people feel a lot better about themselves and they may still have some OCD symptoms, but it’s more like, “okay, I’m noticing that that’s there and it’s in the background and I’m a lot better able to ignore it than when I started therapy.” And that’s huge. That’s absolutely huge for people. 

Anytime that you can get to a place where you’re managing the obsessions and compulsions and noticing that they’re there but not getting roped into them, that’s an absolute huge win. And however you get there, whether you use ERP or whether you use some people are using ACT, Acceptance and commitment therapy for OCD, or whether you’re using EMDR or another method, just know that there are different options for you. You don’t have to be locked into one treatment option because of your diagnosis, regardless of what that diagnosis is. I’m going to include some information for you in the show notes about exposure and response prevention and the article that I read regarding that, which was a review of the research and then some studies on EMDR and OCD. And you can look for yourself and evaluate. It’s often helpful to incorporate more than one therapeutic technique together.

I believe this is where people, especially who have complex presentations, are able to see the best results. So you certainly could incorporate EMDR with ERP. I’ve done that for clients before, especially more so in phobia situations where they needed kind of like a gradual way to ease into getting over a certain fear.

Today’s story of hope starts with me crying in a parking lot in Target because I couldn’t build a website in 2017. I was in the process of building my business By The Well Counseling, trying to get everything off the ground. There’s a lot that goes into starting a business and I was running on fumes. I was working full time, seeing clients. And then in the evenings, I would be working on stuff to start the business. One of the things I believed I needed to get going was a website. Someone had recommended a certain site for me to build my own website. And I could not figure it out on my own, hence the crying in the Target parking lot. Everything had just reached a boiling point. I was overwhelmed and in tears and just thought I cannot do this anymore. Fast forward, Now I’ve built several websites. I had a former blog website that I’m not using anymore that I built. I built a completely brand new website for my counseling practice on a different platform about a year ago and I partially built the Hope for Anxiety and OCD website. I did get some help from a professional on that one to make it look more snazzy. But what I learned that I thought I couldn’t do, which was build a website, I could actually do. I just didn’t know it yet. So maybe there’s something in your life right now that you feel like, “I can’t do it. There’s no way,” but you may be looking back a few years later and say, “Wow! That very thing that I thought I couldn’t do, I can do it now.”

That’s my story. Do you want to share your story of hope with me? I would love to hear it. You can contact me through our website anytime at hopeforanxietyandocd.com.

Hope for Anxiety And OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing was completed by Benjamin Bynam. 

Until next time. May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

17. The Power of EMDR Therapy for Anxiety with Sarah Slade, LPC-MHSP

On this episode, I was able to geek out with on of my favorite colleagues to talk about our favorite therapy: EMDR. 

  • Our path to receiving EMDR training
  • What is EMDR?
  • Different types of trauma (little t and big T)
  • Getting to the root of troubling body sensations and 
  • How EMDR can be helpful for people with anxiety 

Resources and links:
Sarah’s Counseling Practice: Willow Tree Counseling, licensed in TN and KY
Sarah’s book: Healing Negative Wounds: The Impact of Trauma
More information about EMDR
Book: The Body Keeps the Score

Support the show

More Podcast Episodes

Transcript of Episode 17

Welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD episode 17. If you’re new to the show, we are all about reducing shame, increasing hope, and developing healthier connections with God and others. I’m your host, Carrie Bock. 

And today on the show, I got to interview and have a conversation with my good friend, Sarah Slade. She is like my professional soul sister. She and I do very similar work in terms of the trauma work that we engage in and have a favorite therapy that we’re going to talk about on the show today, which is called EMDR for short. This may be a therapy that you’ve heard of, or it may be completely new to you. But I hope that our conversation is enlightening. Hang around for the end, because I’m going to tell you about some exciting episodes that are coming up in the future. 

Carrie: Welcome to the podcast. 

Sarah: Thanks for having me. 

Carrie: This is going to be a really fun conversation where we get to geek out about some of our favorite topics so I’m very excited about it. 

Sarah: Yes, me too.

Carrie: You and I met several years ago and when we were working in community mental health, we were driving around to people’s homes and working with kids and their families and got into some very interesting situations a lot of times.

Sarah: Yes, absolutely.

Carrie: Complete utter unpredictability like we could show up at the house and we didn’t know if our client was going to get in a huge fight with their parents or if they had just been suspended from school or there was some other crisis going on. If somebody got arrested. You had to kind of be quick on your feet and we never quite knew what was going to happen.

Yes, complete trial by fire.

Carrie: Yes. You kind of like go out there with the fire extinguisher. Any fun without going into client details. Any fun, random in-home stories that you have. 

Sarah: Some that probably are not one of those therapists humor, probably ones that are not super funny, but I just remember the ones that stuck out to me the most were the ones I remember that were like really dirty places that we had to and then just, you know, we’re therapists. So I want to get on the floor. I want to play with the kids. So just being around on the floor, and some not so clean environments. I remember coming home and stripping in my garage before I went into the kitchen area like just getting rid of all the clothes that I had on and thinking back now, I’m like, that is so bizarre that I would go through that and enjoyed it so much like as much as we did.

Carrie: Right. It was not boring. I will tell you that it was far from boring. I don’t know if you had those rice trays. They were like the mock sand trays, but they would get rice like everywhere and then we’d be like trying to clean it up like discreetly sweep it up at the end of the session or some kind of powder on the rice and the kids would literally dig their whole hand, arm, and everything and come out kind of half white and we’re like, “Wait, stop doing that. Your parents are going to kill me.” Oh, those were good times. So now you still work with a few children, but more so adults and a few adolescents sprinkled in.

Sarah: Yeah, I definitely don’t advertise just adults, but it seems to be that that’s kind of just become my focus or just more of where I’m getting my referrals from. 

Carrie: And so, as we were working in this program, we ended up getting trained in a few different forms of trauma therapy and one was trauma-focused, CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. And we did some arc training, attachment regulation, and competency. And we also got trained separately in EMDR and found that we had a passion for trauma and for EMDR kind of became our go-to therapy that we really utilize probably most often. 

Sarah: Absolutely. EMDR is one of those therapeutic techniques where you either like, are all for it or you’re afraid of it and you don’t ever use it and we would definitely the ones that like dove right in. 

Carrie: Yeah, I think that really came from seeing people who needed relief from their trauma and when we got trained in trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, it was kind of like you have to write this trauma narrative. I mean, you don’t write it, the kids write it and you write it down for them as they tell it to you. You really start to realize that that’s great maybe if you had one traumatic incident that might help clear some things up, but it never really, for me, fully addressed like the body sensations that come with experiencing trauma, like, “Okay. Maybe I can think differently about my trauma. I can see maybe that it wasn’t my fault,” but every time certain memories come up or there’s a trigger then all of a sudden your stomach’s in knots or you start breathing heavily and you get overwhelmed and it seems like some of the cognitive based therapies just didn’t really fully address those. That was kind of one of my problems that I was having and you can speak to this too with the clientele that we worked with. They weren’t single incident trauma folks. They were kids who had maybe foster care and adoption journeys, or they were children that had ongoing sexual abuse or other types of things that weren’t just kind of one or two incidences and they were happening at a time of development, which definitely shaped their development and how they were processing that. I mean, you can kind of speak to that a little bit more about what your experience was with some of those other therapies and things.

Sarah: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like that definitely these sensations, the body sensations piece was missing with your regular CBT, but I also agree we were working with so much complex trauma that narratives didn’t really encompass that or you were trying to figure out how do we write narratives to all of this? Like lifelong trauma. They’re doing a narrative over their whole life so far in and out of foster care trauma after trauma. So, I think that when EMDR came along, I think it was such an easy thing to jump onto because it was like the answer to that problem, addict issues, how do we deal with complex trauma. How do we kind of hit a lot of traumas with one processing? 

Carrie: Right, there was this nice piece too of we can go to kids or families or adults and say, “You can process through this trauma and I don’t have to know every single detail.” Whereas when we did narratives, even for situations like sexual abuse, we were trying to get some pretty specific details and that was rough. It was rough on the kids. It was rough on the families. It was rough on us as the clinicians even having to hear that. There’s something just didn’t quite feel right about that to me, of like, do I really need to know all of those things that happened? Or can we somehow process this without having to know all that information.

Sarah: Yeah, definitely. That was one of the hardest things especially when you’re working with young children and you’re having to get very explicit details of what that was like for them. EMDR, I think that’s one of the things that even now, my clients, even adult clients love the most about EMDR is they’re like, “Oh, I don’t have to tell you what I’m thinking of.” They almost can’t believe it like “you’ve got to be kidding me.”

Carrie: Right, and in your experience, you’re near an army base and so you see a lot of military members, and sometimes they can’t tell you what happened. That is not anything that they can dialogue about, and so to still be able to receive this trauma treatment where they can get relief from that distress is a really beautiful and amazing thing.

Sarah: Yeah, and I think with this population with a military population, first responder population as well, there’s almost like this mentality that they already talk about these events with their comrades and that they almost get kind of put down or it gets desensitized of like, well, that’s not that big of a deal this is what I experienced today or this is what I went through. So the fact of retelling that for a lot of those guys and girls is pretty traumatic in itself. Like that piece of like, I get to keep this to myself.

It doesn’t matter what I bring up. It doesn’t matter if I feel like it’s a huge trauma, big T or if it’s a small T you’re not going to, as a therapist, you’re not going to say anything to them. You’re not going to make them feel bad and they can just process through it. 

Carrie: Right. Yeah. So let’s talk about that a little bit. I think there’s some language in the literature when it comes to trauma where people will talk about the big T trauma. Those are things like where your life was threatened, your life or someone else was threatened or impacted and a lot of times we use big T traumas to determine whether or not people have PTSD. But what we’ve also found is that there are a lot of incidences that profoundly impacted us that are what they would call small T traumas and that may have been something like bullying at school. It may have been a time where you didn’t get something that you needed from your primary caregiver where you really needed to be seen and heard and understood by them, they weren’t available there for you. And I’ve almost kind of shifted some of my language and working with clients to just start saying childhood wounds because when I say trauma, people think, “Oh, trauma”  that’s like a big word. That’s like, send you to the ER or something. That’s what we associate with it.

Instead of no, sometimes like we all have childhood wounds that we have to figure out how to deal with and some were more impactful than others and when you have a thousand tiny cuts through your childhood that’s just as bad as someone who had a big T type trauma. 

Sarah: Yup. Absolutely, and helping clients understand like that the brain doesn’t keep a, it doesn’t keep like a gauge of that. It’s not thinking, Oh, that’s not big enough so I’m not going to raise any alarms or send out the fire alarms. So I think helping them understand the brain doesn’t distinguish between that, you know, trauma is trauma. And when you feel like when your brain feels like there’s a threat, whether it’s a perceived threat or a real threat, your brain doesn’t distinguish between the two. Perceived and real is the same thing and your brain’s going to protect you and both of those situations.

Carrie: Right. So let’s talk a little bit about what EMDR is because maybe there are some people that are listening to this that have never heard of that form of therapy and it’s actually probably the worst named therapy out there because the name doesn’t really help you understand the process. So the name, the EMDR stands for eye movement, desensitization, and reprocessing. I’m curious, what’s your short snippet that you tell to clients about what EMDR is? 

Sarah: Yes, it’s hard to explain. I feel like I always preface it by like, you will understand what I’m talking about once you’ve experienced it one time, then you’ll be like, okay, yeah, I get what Sarah was trying to tell me. But I always try to go with, I liked, I liked the brain I’m a nerd in that way. So I always try to go with that because I think especially, and I’m going to talk about anxiety and your podcast about anxiety, especially my people with anxiety because I feel like they can understand that piece a little bit better than trying to connect it to PTSD cause that’s what people connect it with.

So I like to really try to get them to understand like how the brain processes trauma, where trauma gets stored in the brain, and how we can have those visceral somatic sensations, even when we know we’re safe. So cognitively we’re saying to ourselves, it’s okay, I’m safe, nothing bad is happening, but our body and our amygdala are saying, nope, don’t believe you, not listening.

I’m going to protect myself. So I think I just like to try to get them to understand, like, that’s the body process and that’s what EMDR is doing. It’s trying to get the emotional part of the brain and the cognitive part of the brain to finally talk and listen to each other. 

Carrie: That’s a really great way of saying it. I’ve explained in the past, it’s about getting your body and your emotions and your brain all on the same wavelength. So even though, you know, like you said, I’m safe, I know I’m safe and okay but my body is still holding that trauma and we know a lot more now about how trauma is stored in the body.

You can go read Body Keeps The Score. It’s a great book and I’ll put that in the show notes because we understand that we know we have to do something somatically for our bodies if we’re going to be able to heal from those pieces of trauma. We can’t just talk about it because we’re going to be missing something.

And so what EMDR is using, it’s using what we call bilateral stimulation, and that’s where the eye movements part comes in the name because a lot of times we’re using eye movements, but people also use tapping, there’s little kind of buzzers that you can hold on to. There’s headphones sometimes that’ll play a tone on one side and then the other, and that is helping the brain kind of I guess loosen up some of that material in order to get it stored instead of the short term, the traumas happening now memory section of the brain, and it gets rerouted to long-term storage so that it’s not up on the forefront. 

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, but definitely one of those where I have lots of clients where they’re like, okay, yeah, now I get it after I did it one time. Now I understand what you were talking about. It seems so strange and bizarre. Yeah. Yeah.

Carrie: It’s really an interesting process because everyone looks a little bit different and I say that because I know some people after listening to this podcast, we’re going to go Google EMDR, and they’re going to find some videos and, you know, people are going to be

you know, super emotional and break down crying, and sometimes that happens and then other people have maybe milder reactions. And so sometimes people will compare, say like, Oh, I don’t even know if this is working, but we’re always able to gauge like in the present, whether or not it’s working by present symptoms.

Sarah: Yeah, I feel like every session is completely different, which is why another reason why I love EMDR so much for a clinician side of it because every client does process different and no one’s going to look exactly the same and the way the brain is going to struggle and how they process and what barriers it’s going to throw up

and how it’s going to try to protect that person. It blows my mind and amazes me every time, how strong the brain is and how much it wants to protect even when it’s doing something that’s negative or negatively impacting the client, it’s trying to protect them. 

Carrie: So some of those, all of those things that were happening during the trauma, like the way that they protected themselves at the time to stay safe and to survive and get through it as well as the body sensations, the emotions, the thought processes, all of those get churned up in reprocessing and people are able to, it’s kind of like the brain digesting material as some people have alluded to in the past. So, yeah, it’s really good stuff. Do you remember when you started using it? Were you skeptical? Like, is this really working? 

Sarah: I think the very first time I remember I did it after that first training. There’s a two-step training with this and so you go to that first-weekend training and you’re like, this is terrifying and then, like go out and do this

like, and you’re like, no, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to go out and do this, but they’re like, “Yes, you have to. Use it on your first client that you see.” So that’s what I did. I was like I’m either going to be terrified of this or I’m going to jump right in and I remember that client because it was so impactful. She processed so deeply in a level like that I hadn’t experienced, not even at the first training that I like walked out of my office and burst into tears. Wow. I was just like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing. Like what just happened? 

Carrie: That’s incredible. And so to give people an idea, you go on this weekend and it’s like a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, weekend training.

And you’re with a bunch of other therapists and the trainer and there may be a couple of assistants there depending on the size of the group. And the first half you get a lecture on here’s EMDR, here’s how it works, etc, etc, etc and then the second half of the training in the afternoon, you come back from lunch and you’re literally practicing on each other. You have no idea what you’re doing, but you’re diving into emotional deep waters. And so every therapist who does EMDR has had the experience of having it done on themselves, which I feel like is so valuable so that we understand what it’s like going through those waters ourselves. And you’re right, they do tell us, okay, now just go practice on somebody and I’m always like, okay, I’m a little hesitant. So here I am working with people’s children and I went out and I was like, okay, I am really asking parents if I can use their kid as a Guinea pig, that doesn’t feel good. But I did, I asked his parents, I said, Hey, I just learned this new therapy technique

and I think it would be good for your child, you know, do you mind? And it was really like, for me, it was like a God moment alignment where she was like, Oh, I’ve had that. Like the parent had EMDR, so she was like open to it and she’s like, yeah, if you think that would be helpful for my child and, you know, go for it.

So I thought, okay, good. And I always like, whenever I learn something new, I always ask permission for my clients and I always feel like very upfront with them about like, Hey, this is just something new, kind of new I’ve learned. I don’t know all the intricacies of it, but I think I would benefit from you and people have been super receptive to that.

Like, okay, well, you know, if you think it would benefit let’s try it. Like, what do we have to lose at this point? And so, yep I got more experience and more training and you know, you go to a second weekend and then you do the same thing all over again, basically and you learn more in-depth about how to improve your, your EMDR skills.

And then there’s further consultation and, and phone calls and, or in-person meetings that can happen with people that know more about you. So it’s quite a process to get trained in EMDR. It’s not an easy type of thing, but I think there are like you said, there are some therapists that get trained in it and are overwhelmed by it or kind of scared or nervous about it.

And so they don’t really utilize it as much. And then other people really kind of latch onto it as a therapeutic model they want to align with. So talk with me a little bit about how you’ve seen EMDR be helpful for clients with anxiety in your practice. 

Sarah: Yeah, so I just kind of, we’re talking about trial and error or just kind of trying modalities and that’s how I started with clients with anxiety because I tend to get a lot of people with post-traumatic stress disorder, but then I also tend to get a lot of people with anxiety disorders and I was doing some cognitive behavioral stuff with them and then I just decided once I felt more comfortable with EMDR and I felt like, okay, I feel like I can apply this protocol too, because the more I learned about EMDR, the more I felt comfortable.

And the more I just learned about anxiety and PTSD, I was like there, I mean, we know they’re in the same DSM category. PTSD is an anxiety disorder. So they’re all stemming from the same kind of symptoms. So that’s kind of the way that I approach EMDR with anxiety of helping people understand, like we’re going to identify those somatic symptoms that you have with your anxiety and then we’re also going to connect it with a negative belief, because I think most of the time, even if there’s not a traumatic event that they can get to, or like this event happened and that’s what started my anxiety or a phobia type situation, there is still a negative belief. They still feel like I’m going to die

or I’m not safe that anxiety is causing that negative belief to come forward. So I link those two together so we can link negative belief with the body sensations. Sometimes we can have images with anxiety. If they have like an image of the last time or the first time they felt that anxiety just like we do a trauma, I will float them back and get them there. But if not, we stick with just that negative belief and that body sensation. And in my experience, and I know you have experience with it too, they process through almost exactly the same as they would with trauma. 

Carrie: Yeah, really great for panic disorders too. Sometimes we’ll go back and process maybe the first panic attack that someone had, some types of the most recent, just kind of, if someone has panic disorder, this can be very helpful because that is so somatic.

And sometimes people will say, well, I have panic attacks and it just seems to come out of nowhere, but a lot of times we’re able to kind of find some kind of root or something to work with that we can utilize with EMDR, which is really great. I think a lot of the clients that I see have what I would say is developmental trauma, which is really hard to explain to people what I do, because if I say, well, I work with people with trauma

they’re like, oh, like people in the military, like PTSD and I’m like, well, no, not, not typically for me. I’m like typically it’s people who have grown up in a home, say for example, like with alcoholic parents or who’ve just grown up in an environment that was very chaotic. Maybe there was a lot of arguing or fighting in the home or domestic violence, or it could be a variety of different things that happened.

Maybe their parents were depressed and neglectful but there were these incidences where they felt like they couldn’t really get what they needed. And growing up in a chaotic environment can cause people to feel out of control and like they have to latch on to control somewhere that can happen with anxiety, that can also happen with OCD as well.

OCD gives you kind of like this false sense of control at times. Like, oh, okay, well, these compulsions, you know, I can well, lock the door, you know, a few times and that’s something that I, I feel some relief from because I’m engaging in that activity. What’s interesting about the anxiety is a lot of times people feel like, well, you know, I’ve been living with this for so long, I’ve had it my whole life, a lot of times people will say, I remember being anxious as a child and it’s just kind of followed me. And instead of looking at it as, oh, well, this is just something I have to live with and I have to tolerate and manage I’ve seen a lot of clients be able to make huge shifts and larger strides than they had made in the past with talk therapy or just doing some CBT surrounding the anxiety.

And that’s been really incredible to see. Obviously, everyone’s process is different. So there are going to be some people that still have to manage their anxiety, but they feel more confident when they have those symptoms come up. They’re like, okay, but now I know I have some skills at least that I can utilize and I can, a lot of what we do in EMDR in the beginning before we even get to the trauma part is we really work on like those calming down our body, learning to be in touch with our body, and those types of things. So valuable.

Sarah: Yeah, absolutely. I was about to say that, like, that’s what I think, even if the processing doesn’t work for them, they learn self-regulation and they learn that I can be in control of this anxiety, this anxiety doesn’t get to control me which I think EMDR teaches that in such a powerful way with those things at the beginning that you’re teaching them how to build that anxiety up and then calm themselves down and regulate that anxiety.

Carrie: One of the things I wanted to say about EMDR and OCD that I really enjoy is that you’re able to really, and this is true for anxiety too, but like you’re really able to get to the root of the issue. So many times we’re kind of, we’re trying to pull the weed up but we’re not getting all the way down in there to the roots of your emotional and psychological issues. And a lot of times I’ll talk about this on a solo episode because I really want to do a solo episode on this is like ERP is great for a lot of people with OCD, but they are specifically exposing themselves to a variety of issues and it’s like this game of playing whack-a-mole because their obsessions will shift.

So it’s like, okay, I got to expose myself to this issue and then now all of a sudden my obsession has shifted over to something different and I’ve got to expose myself to that now, whereas EMDR really gets to that route. A lot of times has to do something with control, um, a time where somebody felt out of control.

And if you’re able to really get down to that and process through some of those past memories it really helps people be able to engage in the exposure and be willing to do that first of all. But then also it makes that exposure process easier when they go to do it because they’re not fighting all the body sensations. It really helps clear up a lot of that kind of just body stuff that’s in there. 

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, and I think similar happens with anxiety, like they’re really learning how to control and regulate those body anxieties and figure out where the root cause is. I think you’re right, a lot of times, almost all the time with anxiety, I hear that people say like, I don’t know where it comes from.

I just get anxious out of nowhere, you know? So I think it can be so powerful to work with them, to try to process and figure out, oh, there was a start to this, you know, that this did start at this point in time and try to put some control in them cause it is all about control. They’re trying to get control, but in ways that don’t really work for them.

So finding how they can control and they can control their body and that feels really powerful. 

Carrie: Right. I also just want to make a point too, unrelated to what we were just talking about, trauma therapy really is a process and it’s a paced process and I say that because sometimes people go to a therapist and they get super overwhelmed and super flooded, and that’s not the goal of what you’re trying to accomplish.

You know, this should be paced in a way that feels comfortable to you at some level, I’m not going to say it’s completely going to be comfortable because you’re going to be pushed outside of your comfort zone, but not to the point that you’re overwhelmed or can’t manage it. So if you’re coming out of a session with your therapist and you feel absolutely and completely unglued, it’s super important for them to know about that so that they can help you manage after a difficult session or make sure that you have enough skills to use in between sessions. 

Sarah: Yeah, and I think that’s super important, especially when you have a client that’s very engaged, very motivated. They want to get in there and start working. It’s easy to skip that self-regulation portion and want to go right into processing stuff but EMDR is set up in a way that it stages and that you need to hit those stages for a reason because you really

gauge everybody is different and their self-regulation, and how they can handle what their tolerance is and handling some of those emotions and so you do need to spend some time being really open with a therapist and exploring what your kind of gauge looks like and how you self-regulate.

Carrie: Absolutely. Do you have any advice for people if they are looking for an EMDR therapist, how do they find the right person for them you think? 

Sarah: Yeah, that’s hard. I think it’s just like any other therapist, right? I tell my clients all the time, therapy is like going on a blind date. You just never know who you’re going to get. You sit down and sometimes you might halfway through realize this is not the best fit for me. A lot of times clients feel very uncomfortable with saying, “This isn’t a good fit. I think I want to find somebody else.” I think they worked really hard to get there. They might have spent months trying to get someone to email them back, trying to get on someone’s schedule. So then I think they are just like, “No, I’m staying with this and I’m going to make it work” when I don’t think that’s how it should be. I think that it should be very open and if they don’t like the therapist, they should try another one until they do. There is a therapist out there that they’re going to click with and feel very comfortable with. So I think same is true for EMDR. You’re looking for people with those qualifications. Definitely, you’re looking for somebody who’s completed both of their trainings and has that certification, I would say. But also just everybody’s style is going to be different.

I’m sure. My EMDR style, even though we’re doing the exact same protocol, my style is different than your style. So just finding somebody that you feel comfortable with and safe with. 

Carrie: Yeah, that’s really huge. If you don’t feel like you click with the person, it’s okay to try somebody else. Sometimes you know that the first session and other times may take you a few sessions to kind of get a good feel and understand that. I think on the counselor side, we’re also trying to get a feel of, is this somebody that’s kind of in my wheelhouse. And usually, we try to do that before the first session.

Are they coming in with an issue that I typically work with or have experience with? Does it look like somebody that I can help because obviously it’s not gonna be ethical for us to take on somebody that we don’t think we can help. Keeping all that in mind. I think this is a really great start. And hopefully people will look more into EMDR therapy If they’ve been struggling with anxiety or OCD, or maybe they’ve tried traditional ERP and it’s been really tough on them and want to look at maybe another option, hopefully, this will open up people’s options to know that there are many different types of therapy out there, and you have to find what’s gonna work for you to get you to where you need to be.

So I know that you wrote a book. Can you tell us a little bit about it?

Sarah:  Yeah. I wrote a book about trauma. It’s been a couple of years now and the goal behind that book was I really just wanted my clients or future clients to understand the trauma process. And in that book, I actually go into detail about different trauma therapies. So the book starts off with explaining the brain, explaining the body and how trauma impacts us and how it might occur. And then I go into what are some different modalities that you could use when you’re going into therapy. I wanted to write it in a way that anybody could understand it. You didn’t have to be a clinician. You didn’t have to love trauma, dealing with trauma like I do that. You could understand exactly what is happening and what these therapies are going to look like. I think it was a good book for clients that may not know what modality might work best for them and they want to know a little bit about what CBT is, what EMDR is, what psycho-education is. Kind of going into all those different things that they could encounter in therapy.

Carrie: Okay and tell us the title of the book. 

Sarah: Yeah, so it’s called “Healing Negative Wounds, The Impact of Trauma.” It’s on Amazon. There’s a Kindle version and then there’s also a paperback version.

Carrie: Awesome. We’ll put the link in the show notes if people want to look it up and so forth. 

So at the end of every podcast, I usually like to ask our guests about a story of hope that they would like to share and it’s just a time where you received hope from God or another person. 

Sarah: Yeah, I was thinking about that and so my story goes back a little bit further because the thing of hope that I wanted to talk to you guys about was something that just happened last month. But I think in order to set up the story, I need to go further back to the original one. So the original was in 2016, I lost my mother-in-law to colon cancer and that was a super hard time for everybody in our family. She was pretty young and I’ve known her since I was 16 years old. So she was definitely like a surrogate mother to me. I’m sure if any of the other listeners have ever watched somebody go through the dying process especially the cancer dying process it’s very heart-wrenching and I think it’s definitely one of those times that people question God. Why is this happening? Why is this happening to us? Why is this happening to her, to a good person? That kind of stuff. A lot of our family members were going through that process.

And she was very much faithful to the Lord, and it was really powerful to watch her go through that process because people around her were questioning, but she never questioned as she went through that process of like, “It’s okay, I’m going to see the Lord.” So that was amazing in itself and then the story I wanted to share with you, which I thought was pretty amazing.

This last month, my sister-in-law, her daughter, was due at the end of the month, I think Thanksgiving time but the baby came early and the baby came on her mom’s birthday. How powerful is that, right? Like God’s timing. 

Carrie: That’s so beautiful. I like that story a lot. Thanks for being on the show and geek out with me about EMDR and just, I appreciate your friendship so much too and that just that we’ve been able to have the comradery that we’ve had for several years. 

Sarah: Yes. It’s so bizarre that we were in the same state, but we’re distantly separated, right? 

Carrie: Yeah, absolutely.

_________________________________________________________________

I hope that interview gave you a brief taste of what it’s like to have EMDR therapy. It definitely is one of those things that’s hard to explain if you’ve never done it. I wanted to let you know that we have some exciting episodes coming up in the future to piggyback off this episode. Next week, I’m going to be talking on a solo episode, more in-depth about utilizing EMDR for OCD. I also have some interviews to share with you on thriving as an introvert. And we’re going to be talking in the future about anxiety surrounding sex within the context of Christianity and I’m really looking forward to that conversation as well.

I don’t want you guys to miss anything that’s coming up on the podcast and the easiest way to do that is to go to our website, www.hopeforanxietyandocd.com and subscribe to our newsletter it’s right there at the top of our homepage. Until next time, thanks so much for listening and being a part of this conversation.

Hope for anxiety and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing completed by Benjamin Bynam.

Until next time. May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

Do I have Anxiety or OCD?

Understanding the difference between anxiety and OCD can be challenging. After all, both disorders affect the mind and body. Those with anxiety or OCD can experience physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual distress. Let’s start by looking at the symptoms of each disorder.

Common Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety:

  • body tension
  • increased heart rate 
  • frequent worry
  • difficulty concentrating
  • feeling edgy 
  • difficulty sleeping

At a basic level, anxiety occurs when your internal fear response kicks in when it’s not needed. Our fear response is a good thing, given to us by God to keep us safe. The problem is that our brains and bodies are imperfect. Thus, the fear response can get turned on in response to something that is not actually going to hurt us. As an example, let’s say that you have generalized anxiety and get nervous when put in new situations. Your brain has made a connection somewhere along the way that new situations are potentially dangerous and must be avoided or engaged in with extreme caution.

Today, you are meeting your new male coworker. You may have worrisome thoughts. What if he’s mean or rude? What if he doesn’t like me? I’m always so awkward in these types of situations. What should I say? Your body starts to get hot and a little sweaty. You notice your heart has started beating a little faster. You take a few deep breaths, wipe your sweaty palms, and tell yourself everything is probably going to be fine with the coworker. You’re still a little edgy, but have calmed yourself down enough to meet him. Meeting a new coworker is not a life or death situation, but your body may be so worked up that it feels like it is.

Understanding OCD:

OCD involves the presence of both obsessions and compulsions. An obsession is an intrusive thought that feels real, doesn’t respond to logical reasoning, and often creates internal doubt. While obsessions are a thought process, they are accompanied by distressing emotions and body sensations that are similar to what a person with anxiety experiences. This is the part that is confusing and often leaves the OCD undiagnosed for years. Compulsions are a behavior that someone feels compelled to engage in as a way to satisfy the obsession. Like scratching an itch, there is temporary relief, but in the long term, engaging in a compulsion strengthens the obsession, starting the whole obsession/compulsion cycle over again. Obsessions and compulsions can vary widely, but I have listed some common examples here:    

Examples of common obsessions: 

  • Offense: I must have hit someone with my car while driving. I offended my coworker. I have sinned or offended God. 
  • Cleanliness: I have touched something that caused me to be contaminated. I’m dirty. This surface is dirty. I’m going to throw up.
  • Harm: You may picture yourself harming yourself or someone else. You may be concerned about harming yourself, spouse/loved one, or child.
  • Relationships: Am I destined to be with my boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe I married the wrong person. 
  • Just so: Something doesn’t feel right, so I have to keep focusing on this aspect until it feels “just so.” 

Examples of common compulsions: 

  • Checking: Checking the appliances multiple times before you leave the house or turning your car around to see if you hit someone
  • Counting: completing actions according to a certain number such as flipping the light switch 3 times, avoiding certain numbers
  • Repeating: re-doing schoolwork because you didn’t like your handwriting, repeating certain words in prayer or repeating a prayer a certain number of times
  • Reassurance seeking: Asking your boyfriend multiple times if everything is OK between the two of you, asking your boss if you have done the right thing, asking for permission to do something you don’t need to ask permission for, asking someone questions a different way until they give you a desired response. 

Let’s circle back to the example of meeting the new coworker, looking at it from an OCD lens. You have obsessive thoughts you can’t seem to get out of your mind about potentially harming the coworker. You picture yourself spilling coffee on him or accidentally tripping him. You put your coffee cup back on your desk. Your body starts to get hot and a little sweaty. Your heart has started beating a little faster, but you’re too consumed with your thought process to notice. Please don’t let me be awkward, you pray internally. It doesn’t feel right, so you say it two more times. Please don’t let me be awkward. Please don’t let me be awkward. You feel a small sense of relief, but then wonder if you should find the boss to get more information about the coworker in order to make sure you don’t offend him or harm him in some way.   

The importance of determining if you have anxiety or OCD:

Why does it matter anyway? The key to effective treatment is proper diagnosis. If you see a therapist who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for anxiety, they may teach you to challenge the anxious thoughts like you are in a court of law, looking at contradictory evidence.  This would only seek to strengthen OCD, causing more distress. You may see a kind therapist who misses the OCD and provides reassurance that everything is going to be OK. You see the therapist every week, feeling a little better, but after six months of therapy, you’re not any better than when you started. You still have tremendous struggles outside of session. OCD treatment involves increasing one’s ability to tolerate distress. This can be done through several different therapies: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

In my experience, EMDR is a great treatment for both anxiety and OCD. Unlike other forms of talk therapy, EMDR works at a brain and body level to help reduce uncomfortable body sensations. Clients defeat the avoidance that anxiety and OCD bring by learning mindfulness and distress tolerance skills. Present behavior is traced back to past learned experiences. After processing, clients may notice some obsessive thoughts, but they are now in the background instead of the foreground. Clients are able to experience the obsession without engaging in the compulsion. If you are in TN and interested in EMDR therapy, click here

What is EMDR?


Carrie Bock, LPC-MHSP of By The Well Counseling is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in helping clients with trauma, anxiety, and OCD get to a deeper level of healing through EMDR via in person and online counseling across Tennessee and EMDR intensive therapy sessions. Carrie is the host of the Hope for Anxiety and OCD podcast, which is a welcome place for struggling Christians to reduce shame, increase hope, and develop healthier connections with God and others.

16. Is Mindfulness for Christians? with Dr. Irene Kraegel

Mindfulness is a buzzword in conversations surrounding anxiety. Dr. Irene Kraegel, writer of The Mindful Christian defines mindfulness in an easy to understand way while explaining how mindfulness fits in with the Christian faith.

Links and Resources:
Irene Kraegel’s website: The Mindful Christian
Book: The Mindful Christian
Free Online Course: Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
Support the show 

More Podcast Episodes

Transcript of Episode 16

Welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD, episode 16. I’m your host Carrie Bock. Today on the podcast, we are talking about mindfulness with Dr. Irene Kraegel. She’s written a book on it and she leads people in how to develop a mindfulness practice. So I think you’re really going to get a lot out of this episode and I can’t wait for you to hear it.

So let’s dive right in. 

Carrie: Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do. 

Dr. Kraegel: Thanks. My name is Irene Kraegel and I am the author of a book called The Mindful Christian. I teach mindfulness through a counseling center at Calvin University, which is where I also serve as a Director of the Student Counseling Center there at Calvin. I’m also a clinical psychologist by training. I’ve been a therapist for many years and I still do a bit of that on the side and also run some different kinds of clinical groups in the university. 

Carrie: Sounds like you have a lot that keeps you busy. 

Dr. Kraegel: Yes, there’s a lot of good work to do. I feel blessed by that.

Carrie:I also saw on your website that you do training’s on mindfulness sometimes for churches.

Dr. Kraegel: I do as part of my work connected to the book, then I often do speaking engagements or I have a workshop series that’s four weeks long, or sometimes people actually spread it out a little bit longer than that.

It’s really great for any kind of group setting such as a church or a Sunday school or a Bible study. I’ve done it in a retirement home before. That’s a great way for people to get introduced to mindfulness specifically from a Christian perspective if they’re interested in doing that kind of integration.

Carrie: That’s really interesting. Do you feel like the way that you grew up spiritually was very mindful or did that come later for you, like in terms of your spiritual practice?

Dr. Kraegel: I would say it came later. I think I was blessed to be in a few different traditions growing up that did acknowledge the need for silence as part of the spiritual journey. I learned early on that it was helpful to take long periods of time just to be present to God and to engage in different types of spiritual disciplines that you are more than just talking at God but also receiving from God. So I think all of that laid a really good foundation. I’m not sure that I knew exactly what to do with all of that silence.

So I knew that it was encouraged within the Christian tradition that I’d been exposed to, to practice silence, but I wasn’t really clear on how to use that well. I wasn’t really aware at the time of how cognitive my faith was and even in those times of silence, how much I was perhaps overly focused on thinking about God and developing words to say to God. Maybe even trying to hear words from God. I wasn’t really aware that that was even a framework that I was working out of. So I would say it was later after going through mindfulness training, really through a secular perspective that I recognize that there are other ways of relating to the world besides just thinking about it. And that became very relevant to my own faith journey as well, to realize that there were different ways of relating to God, besides just thinking about God or speaking to God. It’s really been my experience of mindfulness that has integrated with some of those early lessons I received in my own upbringing about silence.

It’s been that integration of the two that’s allowed me to feel more connected to God and maybe a little bit less conflicted. It’s about questions of faith and more just present to God in a more kind of communal way. So I’m very grateful for that. 

Carrie: That’s so good because I think I grew up in a faith setting that was more scholastic and it was a lot about learning about God and who he is and thinking and emphasis on even changing your thoughts to make them more godly so to speak. This idea of practicing silence or silence being valued wasn’t something that I grew up around, even though now I would say that I definitely value that.

I’m curious how you got interested or involved in this kind of vein of mindfulness.

Dr. Kraegel: Initially, it was really a professional interest. As I mentioned I’m a psychologist by training and really the mental health field has become very focused on mindfulness over the last maybe 15 years or so and it’s become recognized as one of the main approaches to dealing with depression and anxiety and also some physical concerns, chronic pain, different things like that.

I had been hearing about it working in a university context. I was aware that I wanted to bring the latest and best tools to the students that I work with there. At the same time, it was a time in my own life where I was experiencing some personal suffering and feeling that as circumstances in my life had actually come together and some really great ways, my mood wasn’t catching up with that. And so some of the grief and loss and difficulty that I had experienced in the past wasn’t feeling healed. I sort of felt like I was longing for a deep practice like it helped me to heal in some important ways and learn to experience joy and so both professionally and then also personally, I really felt drawn to this practice of mindfulness, knowing that it involved silence, but not just in a way of sort of gritting your teeth and bearing it, but more bringing us into silence with a specific set of guidelines and techniques that helped us to work well with that silence.

At that point I signed up for a mindfulness space, stress reduction course, which is a standardized approach to teaching mindfulness and found that through the consistent practices of that course and just learning about the framework, that attitude that we bring when we’re practicing mindfulness. Some of the underlying beliefs that all jelled so naturally with what I already believe in terms of my Christian faith, and also what I knew about psychology as a clinical psychologist.

It was a very transformational experience for me to go through that kind of training. I’m not a person who has great habits over time in terms of disciplined practices every single day. I’m always really upfront about that. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be the person that’s on your mat 20 minutes every morning and every night to get benefit. I always say I would get more benefit in that way and being exposed especially early on consistently coming to those practices. Even over a couple of weeks of meditating each day and trying on these new attitudes and approaches that mindfulness offered, it was a very transformational experience for me.

So when I bring it now to clients and when I work with students around learning mindfulness, I really do it right from a personal passion as much as a professional understanding of the topic. 

Carrie: People who are listening to this podcast probably have heard the word mindfulness or being mindful, and it’s somewhat of a buzzword right now. It has been studied and had good results in terms of what you were saying with anxiety and depression. What exactly is mindfulness? 

Dr. Kraegel: The concept of mindfulness is actually fairly simple. A quick definition is that it’s bringing our attention to the present moment, doing that with intentionality, and doing it with an attitude of non-judgemental, open acceptance, or whatever it is that we find there. So it’s a simple definition. It’s not an easy practice. So we all know that our minds tend to wander very frequently outside of the present moment, we really spend a lot of our time in general, thinking about the past and rehashing what’s already happened. What’s been said, what our experiences were, and then we often spend a lot of time in the future as well, imagining how things will turn out and both when our minds go into the past and when they go into the future. There’s a tendency for us to be wandering around and sort of negative thoughts or negative emotional States, either remembering the worst or preparing for the worst.

And so that’s not great for our mental health. It’s not great for our levels of happiness and contentment and joy. Mindfulness is this idea of noticing that our minds are doing that. We don’t stay in some perfectly present state of awareness all the time. As you said, we don’t have to be perfect with this.

It is actually sometimes helpful to debrief what’s happened in the past or to plan for the future. Mindfulness allows us to notice when is that movement of our mind helpful and when is it not helpful. And to over and over bring our awareness, our attention back into the present moment with quite a bit of focus here on our physical effects.

So we learned to notice thoughts, emotions, and often what’s grounding us is an awareness of our physical sensations. There can be a tendency sometimes to live life kind of neck up, to be lost in thinking lost in sort of a swirling rumination and so mindfulness included this expansion of our awareness to include our whole bodies. So we’re noticing what’s happening maybe on the bottoms of our feet or the tips of our fingers maybe noticing temperature, noticing clothing on our skin, noticing services that were in contact with. All of those things can have a very grounding effect for us emotionally as well. So the simple definition is it’s paying attention. It’s learning to pay attention to the present moment and as we do that, we are coming to the present moment with that attitude of curiosity, openness, non-judgment, and also with kindness and compassion towards ourselves and towards whatever we find in the moment. 

Carrie: Right. That non-judgemental stance piece is really important because sometimes we’re aware of what’s going on in the present, but we’re trying to dodge it and avoid it and hide from it and feeling states may be especially either feeling states or pain like “I don’t want to feel that it’s hard. it’s too much.” Mindfulness is a good way for people to increase their distress tolerance and in my line of work and working with a lot of people with trauma tends to prepare them for the deeper levels of trauma work.

Dr. Kraegel: Absolutely, there are so many ways that when we are experiencing pain emotionally or physically, there can be a very natural response of avoidance and it makes sense. We don’t want to hurt. So if we’re feeling pain, there’s a tendency to turn away from that to try to get away from it.

And one of the foundational philosophies of mindfulness is that resisting our experience as part of what creates added suffering in our lives. And so we can’t avoid experiencing pain that’s out of our control because every human being experiences pain. What we can learn to do is to notice ways that are our avoidance of that, and our resistance to that is actually increasing our suffering. So we talk about ways that our minds create their own suffering that goes beyond whatever is present in the moment and so just like you said, mindfulness is learning then to turn towards those experiences rather than avoiding them to be able to stay present to whatever’s there. That’s very difficult as you mentioned and in cases of trauma or other situations where we may be feel flooded by an emotion that’s associated with a memory, our bodies hold all kinds of experiences in them that sometimes can be triggered without our awareness, even. So when we learn mindfulness and learn to stay present to that, it can be very difficult. Mindfulness is not for the faint of heart. You mentioned it’s a bit of a buzzword these days and I think it has this implication that mindfulness equals calmness or that when we practice mindfulness, that feels good. That’s not necessarily the case. I compare it much more to exercise as someone who doesn’t love exercise myself. 

Sometimes when we work out physically, it feels good, and sometimes that’s pretty miserable, either way, we get benefit from physical exercise and mindfulness as much the same way. There are times where we do practices of mindfulness that lead us to feel calm and joyful and content and grounded and happy. There are other times where it’s miserable. Now, we’re just noticing all the thoughts. We’re noticing those painful emotions coming to the surface that maybe we’ve been trying to avoid. We’re noticing restlessness or just kind of a desire to stop whatever that practice is and even then there’s benefit because it’s bringing awareness to that present moment that has a healing effect for us, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment, right?

Carrie: There’s this level I think sometimes when people try to practice mindfulness, which is counter to a lot of things in our society, because typically we’re focused on about five things at once and we don’t take the time to pause, but I think there’s this tendency maybe to wonder, “am I doing this right?” Or like you said, to try to make something happen, like, “okay, I’ve got to be mindful now, what do I do? what do I focus on?”

Dr. Kraegel: Yeah, absolutely and one of the things I noticed students saying as they’re starting to learn this practice is it’s not working. So we’ll kind of debriefing a mindfulness meditation and someone will say it didn’t work or it wasn’t, or they’ll also sometimes evaluate the practice in terms of, “was I doing it right or wrong?” And student might say, “I don’t think I was doing that.” 

The beautiful thing about mindfulness is that we’re learning to notice that pressure to do things a certain way to get things right and also that desire for things to be a particular way. So if we say a practice isn’t working, usually what we mean is I didn’t feel calm during it, or I noticed that there was unpleasant emotion there that I had a lot of thoughts. So fortunately mindfulness does not equal clearing the mind. It doesn’t equal being in some sort of perfect state of Nirvana somehow. Really it simply means being present. So you can’t mess it up whatever’s there, and we’re more learning to kind of give up that striving and that need to perform, or that need for things to be a certain way so that we can really practice being present to whatever is there. And for me, a lot of my passion has to do with incorporating mindfulness into the Christian journey. This is where I see this coming together so naturally is that I believe that when we are learning to let go of our grip on things, having to be a certain way, then we’re really creating space to start to notice what God is doing. So we’re creating this awareness of things as they are, where we can start to see God at work more clearly, but we have to get out of the way. First, we have to learn, give up that need to push and pull, and kind of force things to be a certain way. We have to give up some of that control so that we can see more clearly that divine work that’s at play in any given moment. 

Carrie: Sometimes that just means slowing down long enough to examine where God is at work in our situation and our world or surrounding us. 

Dr. Kraegel: Absolutely. For me, I think slowing down with an awareness that lets me receive things in a moment instead of just thinking about them, you kind of going back to that option to learn. There’s a different way of relating to the world, besides just thinking about it. So when I practice mindfulness, I’m recognizing that God is at work in this moment. It’s not about what I think about that, it’s more just, can I slow down and pause and have to open up my hands and receive whatever is there and so that physical groundedness of mindfulness helps here when I become present. For example, to the chair that I’m sitting on. This physical sensation of the chair and the floor that’s under my feet, that’s provision. I actually did not make this chair that I’m sitting on nor did I make this floor heater on right now. And so when I become aware of the solidness of that chair and that floor, when I connect with that and I become aware of my body is sitting upright in this place. These are all gifts that I’m normally not noticing unless I pause to bring my awareness into the present moment without judgment and then that becomes a spiritual practice. Different people may have different labels for that depending on their worldview. When I become aware of something like the chair on the floor, holding me up with so little work on my own part to make any of that happen, I then received that as a gift from God. This is a divine gift. That there were people in the world who made this house, who made this chair and I have this body right now that’s been given to me that I can hold up on this chair as I sit here. That’s a gift. I think that there’s extra power for me and recognizing that when we slow down and open up our awareness. There are gifts in every single moment for us to become aware of.

Carrie: In essence, it opens yourself up to gratefulness and thankfulness. 

Dr. Kraegel: Absolutely, and it’s different than deciding to be grateful. I do know people that seem to have that ability to intentionally turn their mind towards gratitude and that doesn’t come very naturally to me, just to say I’m going to be grateful today because as soon as I start to think of things I’m grateful for, it’s very easy for me to think of all the things that are going wrong. So like, “okay, I have this, but I don’t have that” or “this good thing happened, but that bad thing happened.” And so it can become our circle in my own mind. Practicing mindfulness, it’s a bit different in that it just gets me in touch with what’s right here right now so that there’s no power struggle around it. I’m not trying to think a certain thing about it, that’s grateful.  I’m simply receiving it and that really does then open up my heart to gratitude so that it’s not just a cognition, but it also becomes an emotional and even a physical experience to open up and receive that.

Carrie: I know that mindfulness really has its origins in eastern traditions like Buddhism. I think that has led some Christians to be kind of wary of it, or maybe they’ve been involved in a place where someone did a mindfulness exercise and it did have that Eastern Buddhist type bent to it. 

How do you see mindfulness aligning with the Christian faith?

Dr. Kraegel: Yeah, I think there are a lot of different ways we can approach that. And the definition itself is so simple that I’m not sure we can attribute it just to one religion or cultural tradition. Certainly Buddhism as a tradition that has highlighted present moment awareness and has really built a whole set of spiritual practices around present moment awareness and provided some really beautiful ways to pursue that. And present moment awareness is present in every major world religion. So really wherever people are seeking God, they are going to need to learn to be present in the moment. That’s the only place we can meet that. And so certainly in the Christian tradition, we can see the role of silence and contemplation and present moment awareness throughout scripture, throughout a variety of different traditions within Christianity. Even in modern times, there are some sort of older practices that are coming back that are becoming more popular lately that have this present moment awareness, very deeply interwoven in. So I think of things like the Ignatian tradition. That has a lot of language in it that very much overlaps with mindfulness principles, things like TSA worship, which has a very contemplative present kind of approach. Lexio Divina, where we’re practicing entering into the experience of scripture being read in the moment. Centering prayer is very much a mindfulness type of practice with God really as the object of our attention during those practices. So those are just a few examples, but really I don’t think any one religious tradition can say they have the corner on present moment awareness, but certainly, in the last few decades here in the United States, the popularization of mindfulness principles have very much come through that Buddhist tradition and that can sometimes make it more uncomfortable for people that don’t align with those beliefs or those traditions. And so I often talk about this in terms of culture and needing to be interculturally competent, and also to understand it’s always important for us to be sorting out the differences between culture and theology.

Sometimes when people are reacting to mindfulness with some fear. Sometimes people are fearful. Is this a new-age practice? Is this a Buddhist practice? Is this opening me up spiritually to something that’s not safe?

Then I think it’s important to take a step back and just look theologically at the concept of present moment awareness. Is there anything about present moment awareness that is dangerous in and of itself? And really the answer is no. So becoming more aware is a good thing and for anybody that wants to pursue God to be more fully aware and present to what God is doing right there in the moment is key. It’s crucial. And then from that foundation, there are all kinds of ways that we can integrate these concepts together. I think for me, one of the most powerful things is just recognizing that God is always present. When I’m practicing mindfulness, I’m practicing, being present that is putting my attention where God already is.

I do love in the Christian tradition that we’re often inviting God, maybe at the beginning of a church service, we might invite God to join us or ask the Holy spirit to come. That is beautiful and at the same time, God is already there. God is everywhere all the time. When we’re inviting God all we’re doing is acknowledging something that’s already true, which is like, God is here.

And so mindfulness wakes us up to that and this is kind of the foundation of where this integration occurs, but when we practice being present then we are aware of God being part of the present moment, that can only enhance our spiritual connection than with God and increase our ability to hear and to feel, and to be connected to this divine being. But recognizing that it doesn’t have to be about a certain set of thoughts or that really when we’re present in the moment to God, that’s kind of like being present to somebody that we care about. My husband and I have been married for 20 years. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t and however I feel about him in a given moment, doesn’t change that. He’s my husband and he’s here and I think it’s kind of like that with God. So like sometimes I might be talking to God and we’re having a conversation and I’m feeling things or I’m thinking about things but whether or not that’s happening, God is still here. God is still God, I’m still me and so mindfulness just gives me a chance to notice, to look around and say, “Oh, God is actually right here already.”

Carrie: I want to make this really practical for people. So say someone’s listening to this podcast and they’re like, “yes, mindfulness sounds like it would be really helpful for me.”

Where do people start? How do they get started in developing that on a practical level in their day-to-day life? 

Dr. Kraegel: There are really two different ways of approaching mindfulness that go hand in hand. And so the first piece is a whole set of formal practices that have become kind of traditional, at least in the more modern Western manifestation of mindfulness.

And so a lot of these come out of mindfulness-based stress reduction, which is MBSR for short. MBSR is a very secular approach to teaching mindfulness and for people who really want to have some thorough training that’s often a great place to start. And so a training course like that is going to guide somebody in a set of formal meditation practices that include things like a body scan, where we’re going through our body noticing what’s present my sitting practice, where we’re tuning into our breasts and our physical sensations and noticing thoughts and feelings on sounds things like movement practices. So it’s not uncommon to do mindful yoga as a way of noticing this interaction between our minds and our bodies, as we move things like a walking practice, which can be done with other types of movement as well for people that don’t walk. And so that can help us bring our awareness to different activities or movements we might normally do just without even thinking about them.

So that’s an example of some common mindfulness meditation practices. Those are really best done with a guide, and there are lots of free mindfulness meditation guides online. I’ve collected quite a few of them on my website at themindfulchristian.com. Just looking I’m always on the lookout for guides that I think can be especially helpful for Christians who are either looking for some Christian integration or at least want something that’s kind of secular in nature that they can then integrate with Christian faith as they would like. And so learning those formal practices is important then to be able to develop that other aspect of mindfulness, which is what we generally refer to as informal practice. So if the formal practice is a little bit more like setting aside a certain amount of time where you sit or lie down, or you’re engaged in some kind of intentional practice, usually with a guide, then the informal practice is more bringing your awareness throughout each and every day back to the present moment. Whenever you notice you have an opportunity to do that and so informally in the course of the day. For example, I might choose while I’m brushing my teeth to tune into those sensations and notice what is it actually like to be brushing my teeth right now. What are the direct sensations that I’m experiencing during this simple activity that I do every day? Where are my thoughts going? What kinds of emotions are coming up for me? Or maybe just informally in the course of a day, I noticed a moment where I’m feeling a little emotionally riled up, so mindfulness and that moment might look like, let me kind of turn towards myself right now and just check in what are my emotions?

What are the thoughts that are here? What are the urges or behaviors that I’m noticing in myself what’s happening in my body? That would be sort of an informal, mindful moment and maybe taking a few breaths and then continuing on with my day.

Now the informal application of mindfulness is much more challenging if we haven’t done some of the formal practices first. I know I had started with the informal practices when I was first learning about mindfulness and did not find them particularly helpful. But I wasn’t really aware of how I was triggering and re-triggering thought patterns in my own mind during those practices and it really took me coming back and learning formal practices before I was able to become more aware of my thought triggers which really opened me up to practice informally. Now, I already mentioned that I’m not like the world’s biggest rock star at the formal practices. That’s easy. So they’ll see those as crucial in getting me started and also I know when I need those, so it’s kind of like drinking water where I have to pay attention to like, am I thirsty? I shouldn’t take a drink. And now I can notice those times where I really need to reach for one of those formal practices to make sure I’m grounded. So everybody’s balance of those will look a little bit different. Some people are very heavily focused on the formal practices and others work that in less frequently. It really is just a matter for each person of what they need, but I would definitely recommend that for people who would like to pursue this more, they either look into an MBSR course, if they’re feeling ready for that, or certainly just starting to go through some of the guides that we can find online. Practicing, dipping, our toes into it a little bit can be a great place to start as well. 

Carrie: And I will definitely put those links that you talked about in the show notes too. So if people want to look and dive into it a little bit more then they can. So towards the end of every podcast, I really like to ask the guests to share a story of hope, which is a time that you’ve received hope from God or another person.

Dr. Kraegel: Yeah, that’s really a beautiful question and I’ve given some thought to this because you did give me a heads up you would be asking me this and so as I’ve thought about hope for myself, I do think of particular stories from my life where things felt like all was lost and God came through. I’m thinking of all kinds of particulars like they were years for example where I had multiple pregnancy losses. I write about this in my book as well, too. Not really knowing how that would resolve. God brought us a child and we have this beautiful nine-year-old boy that we love. That’s something that brings me hope or to think about even just my own marriage as being something that’s a blessing to me after going through an experience in early childhood where my parent’s marriage didn’t work out. So to have a marriage now that feels solid brings me hope, but I say all that to say that I’m not sure that that’s what fuels my emotional hope.

I think what actually instills hope inside of my heart is these little tiny micro-moments of provision and the one that came to my mind when I thought what would be the story of hope that I would share is actually just something simple as my morning cup of coffee. I wish I could remember who said this, I know there’s a quote out there from somebody who talked about how his morning cup of coffee is what gave him hope for the world. I really think that there’s some truth in that, that when I bring a mindful awareness to the present moment around those things that bring me joy, something in the morning like a cup of coffee, smelling it, the warmth of the cup, recognizing all the people involved in bringing that coffee to me. All of the growers and the people who worked to process it and the people who packaged it and brought it around the world. The people who made the coffee pot. And I mean, you can kind of go on and on about all the people involved in something as simple as a cup of coffee, and then to be present to that experience that is what actually ignites hope in my heart. Those little things happen throughout the course of every day on those little moments of provision. Those moments of recognizing that no matter how lost things seem in the world, they will always seem broken in the world we live in, no matter how aware we are in any given moment or any given year of how challenging things are, there are still these small pieces of provision every single moment and that truly gives me hope. So that’s what kind of awakens my heart up to say, “Oh, I’m okay.” The world’s okay where I’m being given what I need right now. And I know that in every moment, moving forward, God will continue to give me what I need and that’s a hopeful thing for me. 

Carrie: That’s awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that. I think it’s just very relevant to what we talked about today. 

Dr. Kraegel: Certainly this particular season too as we’re kind of nearing the end of 2020 here, and it’s been a year where we recognized globally so many challenges in terms of health and mental wellbeing and injustice on so many different levels and so many layers of difficulty. It hasn’t been a year that we’ve been able to pretend that things are okay. So something like mindfulness, I think, has been crucial for me and recognizing that we’re not okay because we have it all figured out and we know what’s going to happen. We are okay because God is providing for us in each moment and so mindfulness really helps open me up to that awareness. 

Carrie: That’s so good. I think that the show was very helpful and informative and practical for people and I hope that it sparks a desire and encouragement for them to start practicing mindfulness on their own if they haven’t or if they have started it to know you can’t mess it up.

I love things that you can’t mess up. How great is that?

Dr. Kraegel: Yeah, well, I hope it is helpful for people and I think, you know, for people who pursue mindfulness, oftentimes it’s just finding the right style, the right resource. It’s a very simple concept, but can be practiced in a lot of different ways. So I hope that those listening will give it a chance. So thank you so much for the chance to talk about it today. I really appreciate that. 

Carrie: Yeah, thank you.

______________________________________________________

I hope that you all enjoy listening to this interview as much as I did getting to talk to Dr. Kraegel. it was really insightful in how we can meet God in this present moment as he is always with us. That’s so awesome and such a beautiful part of our faith experience. 

Definitely check out the show notes on this episode If you’re looking for more information on mindfulness.

Would you like to give suggestions for future shows, hop on over to hopeforanxietyandocd.com and click on the contact page.

Thank you so much for listening. Hope for anxiety and OCD is a production of By The Well counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing is completed by Benjamin Bynam.

Until next time. May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

15. Supporting Your Anxious Spouse with Summer McKinney, LMFT

I haven’t done any marriage counseling since my internship in graduate school, so I asked my good friend Summer McKinney to be on the show to talk about how you can support your spouse who is struggling with anxiety. She provides some excellent tips such as

  • When is it a good time to pursue marriage counseling? Hint: not when most people do!
  • How to be present for your spouse
  • What they might need from you when anxiety hits
  • What to do if you are driven nuts by your spouse’s anxious behavior or OCD rituals
  • Anxiety as a third party in the marriage 

Resources and links:

Summer McKinney
Support the show 

More Podcast Episodes

Transcript Of Episode 15

Welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD, Episode 15. I am your host Carrie Bock. Today we are talking about supporting your anxious spouse. I was able to interview my good friend Summer McKinney who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist to have a conversation just in what do you do if you have a spouse who’s struggling with anxiety or OCD. How can you be supportive and helpful to them in that process while at the same time working through maybe some of your own frustrations that you might have with how the anxiety is affecting the marriage? I think there are some good takeaways from this one. So let’s dive right in.

Carrie: So tell us a little bit about yourself. 

Summer: My name is Summer McKinney and I have a private practice here in Smyrna in marriage, family, individual counseling and I’ve been practicing therapy for the past eight years. 

Carrie: Awesome. How did you decide to become a marriage and family therapist? There are many different types of therapists and many different specializations, and some people are licensed clinical social workers. Some people are licensed professional counselors and so you chose this licensed marriage and family therapy route. 

Summer: Yes. I started out working in church high school ministry as a high school girls director. I had gone through and got my master’s in education. I had taught missions and stuff, and God put me in that position, opened up those doors for me to be in that position. I was working a lot with youth and a parent had asked me as I was talking with her child and stuff, she said, “well, what are your credentials?”

I had always wanted to do counseling, but I guess not confident and stuff I had already gone through and I went back and furthered my education, secondary education, thinking that I was going to teach. In the back of my mind, I’d always loved counseling. My dad does counseling at a school corporation and so that was always kind of there but I was really nervous. Just not really confident like, “Do I have what it takes to go and get this degree?” And stuff like that. That kind of question, “What are your credentials” really hit me a lot because I wanted to be able to be credible in that. That pushed me to go and pursue the degree. 

I chose marriage and family because that just hits home with me more so. Relationships, working amongst the family system, the units that people are in. My parents did foster care when I was in high school and so just seeing how systems impact a child or a whole family unit whether does that family system itself or extended family or extended systems. To me, that just made a lot of sense. So that is why I chose marriage and family therapy. 

Carrie: It’s really interesting when you look at how much we’re impacted by other people and other relationships in our life. Looking at somebody as a whole person, who do they have surrounding them and whether that’s supporting them, or sometimes, unfortunately, that’s leading to some of the dysfunctional behavior that they have. It’s interesting to me to what you were saying of when that lady questioned you about your credentials. You already had a master’s degree in education, right? 

Summer: Yes. I’m a life learner, whether it’s back at school or just self- learning and it’s just me, I value education. I value knowledge. Of course, I totally agree with that saying “The more you know, the more you don’t know.” It’s just like, “Wow, there’s so much out there.”  I want to be able to say yes, I have the right to speak into this because I have training. I have knowledge. I have wisdom in this. It’s not just my opinion and so that especially I think in today’s culture is really important because everybody has opinions. Where’s the facts? Where’s the research? Where’s the truth and all of this but it can’t be found. Sometimes there’s multiple truths and things, but that’s really for me that’s something I value.

I think God used that to push me in that direction. Again, knowing that I was not confident in myself at that time and so he used the words of that parent to push me in that direction because I wanted it. I really did want it deep down. 

Carrie: It’s interesting how much overlap to between education and counseling because as counselors, we are educators, we are teaching people new skills. So we are informing them about research. We are talking with them about mind, body connection issues. So that definitely worked well together and you probably see how God has woven all of those things in your life to where you are now.

Summer: Absolutely. Just the marriage of the two. I do a lot of psycho-education and workshops and just speaking whether it’s a school or whether it’s a church. I just love that piece of bringing that knowledge to other people. It’s not like, “Oh, I’m this expert in this area” and counseling as well. You have the same skill sets and knowledge. It’s just we all have different population groups. We all have different spheres of influence that we can take this information that maybe other people don’t know, or maybe they know, but they don’t know how to apply it. I love the marriage between education and therapy. It’s one of my favorite things. 

Carrie: One of the reasons I wanted to have you on the show was to talk a little bit about marriage counseling because that’s not one of my specialty areas. It’s funny and a little bit comical to me that people sometimes will email me or call me and say, “Hey, I’m looking for marriage counseling and we really wanted you to do that” even though that’s nowhere kind of on my online listings or profiles. I’m like, “if only you guys knew the last time I did marriage counseling was in my internship over 10 years ago. I’m pretty sure those couples aren’t together anymore. This is not a good situation.”

Maybe you could answer a little bit for people who feel like they’re struggling in their marriage in some way, shape or form, how do you feel like people know when it’s a good time to pursue marriage counseling? Just in general. 

Summer: I actually start back and I tell people that are even just dating, don’t wait for an engagement to start premarital therapy. You can back up therapy. If you’re really serious, go ahead and go in and talk about some of the things.  Communication is huge. We all think, especially in the initial phase of dating like “yes, we could stay up till four o’clock in the morning talking to the phone.” We’re great communicators and really that’s just talk. That’s not necessarily communication. When you get married, things just exacerbate things from before that maybe were not that big deal, or maybe you just kind of laughed it off, or oh, that’s so cute that they do this. And it really, it becomes that petty that you just want to, “Oh my gosh, just stop.” 

Things when you get married, definitely get bigger. Having some of those tools. It’s just all about utilizing the skill sets and these tools in ways that are going to help build communication, help bring resolve when conflict does come or when there’s differences because you’re not marrying a duplicate of yourself. You’re marrying somebody else with their own background, their own experiences, sometimes their own beliefs, their own values. You can have shared values but a different priority of those shared values, which can create conflict. I think that any time during the course of a relationship it’s beneficial to go to therapy. Don’t wait for a problem to happen.

We take vitamins or we work out. We do all these preventative things in other aspects of our life. So go ahead and do care and enrichment in your relationship, whether it is married or engaged, dating. Go ahead and do those things because it’s only going to help it. It’s not going to hurt it.

Carrie: Right. I know for Steve and I, we had a little bit of premarital counseling and we also met with someone that I considered to be a mentor and it was nice to get some of those hard questions asked by an objective third party. So it would be like, “okay, tell us about a fight that you got in?” How did you resolve that? Or I think they asked what annoys you about the other person. And we were able to hear each other’s answers so that you didn’t just look at everything like it’s all flowers and rainbows and wonderful, like you said with kind of some of the honeymoon glasses on. I appreciate what you’re saying going when you don’t necessarily have a major problem. Maybe you just feel like you’re not seeing eye to eye with your spouse when you’re trying to communicate things and you might be able to learn some skills that could help you moving forward so that you don’t have to get into those big problems. I think sometimes people wait to get marriage counseling until one or both parties is ready to jet out. 

Summer: Right. It’s an ultimatum or the rescue itself. A lot of times there’s such deep wounds there that it’s hard to repair. I mean not always. I mean, don’t lose that hope but it is hard if you keep pushing those things off.It doesn’t get better.

I’m glad that things are changing. The stigma around therapy is improving. The stigma around mental health is it’s getting better. We’re not there yet but I’m so glad that people are open. So many of my clients are like, “I tell everybody that I go to therapy because I want them to know that it’s okay.”

And I love that they feel free to do that and so many of their friends have looked up a therapist in their area to talk with. That just makes me feel good knowing that something that I do is helping another person and that they are then helping other people by normalizing that piece of therapy.

It’s not just when things are bad or you need mental health or whatever it’s like. This is really good for just health for life. 

Carrie: Yeah. That’s so good. I think that was one of the reasons that we’re on this podcast, talking about these things too, is because a lot of times in the church, maybe people haven’t heard those positive messages about therapy, or they think they have to have it all together because they’re a Christian and really we’re just broken people trying to follow Christ and figure out life and how to pursue Him and the calling that He has on our lives.

So that’s so great. The points that you pointed out about we are reducing stigma but we also still have a little ways to go too.

So we’re talking about supporting your spouse when your spouse has anxiety or OCD, or I’m sure some of these things apply for other areas as well like depression. I imagine maybe there are spouses who want to be supportive, but they feel paralyzed or like, “how do I really help my spouse with anxiety?” What kind of thoughts or advice do you have on that? 

Summer: Sure. I think the first thing is to listen and be that support. Listening to hear what are the needs. Don’t be dismissive or minimize the fear or the concern that’s there. Just being able to be a sounding board for them. When you come along you’re like, “Oh, that’s silly. Don’t worry about that.” You minimize something that is very real to them. I think it’s really important just to be that support. You had mentioned Carrie, about being in the church and things around stigmas in the church. A big one that I come across a lot with that anxiety is that “you’re just not trusting God” or “you’re just not praying enough or maybe your faith isn’t strong enough” and that creates even deeper wounds especially if it’s a spouse coming in and bring up or that positivity piece, “You just gotta be positive and think positive.” People with anxiety or really any kind of mental health issues, they don’t want this. They didn’t ask for this. To come at them in those kinds of negative ways just creates even more shame. I think being a good listener, being a good support for them through that is just really foundational. 

Carrie: I think we underestimate whether it’s in our relationship with our spouse or in friendships or in people that we encounter in the church.

I think we underestimate the power may be of presence, of just giving our time and our attention and really listening. Not listening for what’s the right answer, “Do I say back to you?” But listening for like, “I hear you. I see your story. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with that. How can I help you?”

Summer: Absolutely. I think we are in a culture that’s busy. We strive to achieve and there’s so much stress. We wear stress as a badge of honor. 

Some of the things that I do with my clients is it’s just helping them to be present and to be able to know their bodies because we’re just so accustomed to stress that it’s normal. It’s like, wait, that’s not normal. Just because society or culture say that this is normal to feel this way but no. You need to be able to hear your body and, you know, “Oh my shoulders are really heavy. Okay. Well, I need to be able to rest or decompress or find some peace” because stress creates a whole lot of health issues. It can further that anxiousness. I think stress, the busyness, we don’t have time for people. We do those, those cordial, you know, “We’re in the south

and so it’s, “I’m just being nice and asking, but I don’t really care.” “How are you? If you go beyond fine. “I gotta go here or there.” And so we’re really missing connection on those deeper levels and so I do think that even a family unit could be like ships passing in the night with whether it’s kids or work and different things going on.

Being able to take time for each other to hear each other, to be present, as you said. It’s okay to not know, it’s okay to be there, “I don’t know what to say to you.” “I don’t know how to help.” I say that sometimes even just those words, “I’m not sure what to do” can be refreshing because too many times, people try to come and fix it. [00:17:32] I don’t need a fixer. You need somebody who can just be in it with you. 

Carrie: Right. Do you find that, not to pick on husbands, but I think sometimes husbands tend to be more of the fixers and women tend to be a little bit more emotional. Do you find that husbands a lot of times want to put a bandaid on it or say like, “Hey, it’s okay” or “Oh, don’t worry about it.” And they’re trying to keep it like you said, “positive and lighthearted” but really what the woman might be experiencing is, “Oh, he just totally dismissed what I just said or my feelings.”

Summer: I know that there is the stereotype of men being that way and women. I think it’s more personality because “I am the fixer” trying to help him fix things, but I’m the one that tries to solicit that advice that’s most of the time unwanted. I think it’s more of the personality traits that come into play on those things and so it’s being mindful. It’s being aware of, “okay, I need to step back. It’s not about me trying to fix it.” That’s not what that person needs. Well, actually, what I need to do is ask them what they need.

It’s both on communication. It’s the job of the person who is presenting whatever symptom it may be, whether it’s anxiousness or depression, or anything to communicate, “Hey, this is what’s going on with me.” And it’s also on that end of that person who’s receiving and hearing this, or even saying it to say, “Hey, what do you need?”

How can I help you?” rather than inserting what they think is needed because what I would want can be completely different than what my husband wants. And honestly, most of the time it is completely different than what my husband wants. So I think we need to do more of asking than assuming or fixing how we would want it fixed.

Carrie: I think you bring up a good point there of like support looks different for different people. And I don’t know if that’s related to love languages at all, but for some people, they may want someone to talk them through a situation. For other people, they may just want that person to not really talk a whole lot and just let them vent or let them get it out.

And so by saying, “What do you need me to do?” Like for example, when you’re having a panic attack, “how would you like me to respond?” “What do you think might be most helpful?” That person may not know right away. There may be some trial and error that has to happen in order to figure out what works best.

Summer: And that is a huge piece of being able to identify “What is my need?” This goes beyond me. This is anybody. When I can identify my feeling, what is that feeling communicating what’s going on? What is that anger saying? Or what is that fear saying? [00:20:52] And then being able to say, “okay, what does it need? What do I need?” Sometimes you’re right, we are not sure what it needs and how to help ourselves, but sometimes we do sometimes it’s “I just need a hug.” “I need that reassurance.” And it is scary to communicate that because we fear rejection. As people, no matter what age we are, we fear being rejected [00:21:18] and so it can be scary to communicate those feelings and those needs at that moment, but if we don’t take the risk and this is a huge part of marriage therapy is we have to take the risk to be vulnerable because if we don’t take that risk, then we’re totally missing out on something that could be amazing and great. The very thing that we need is that support, we could be missing out on that. 

Carrie: Yeah, it’s so good because I think a lot of times people may have been in situations where they felt guilt, either over having needs or guilt over expressing their needs. Sometimes telling clients it’s normal to have needs, that’s a part of being human and not only is it normal and okay to have needs, but then it’s okay for you to ask someone else for what you need. And that doesn’t make you selfish or an awful person, but sometimes we can get in this caretaker mode of that causes and creates insurance up anxiety of “okay I have to take care of everybody”

and then myself is like totally last. I don’t take care of myself and then nobody’s advocating for myself or what I want or need. 

Summer: Yeah. That self-care is so important. When you get on an airplane, put on the oxygen mask first, before you get other people, and it goes against our instinct especially if you’re a parent with children. It goes, we want to

[00:22:59] get to them first that were of no help if we passed out. And so that same thing in your relationship, or as a caretaker, any of those aspects of dynamics that come into play, if you’re not making yourself a priority, you are not going to be the best version of yourself that you can be for your family unit, for your relationship and so you have to have self-care. You have to make yourself a priority in that. I do want to say when you are being vulnerable and sharing those things, you need to make sure that it is a safe person. If you are in an abusive relationship or a relationship where there are certain areas that maybe it’s not safe emotionally or spiritually or mentally. That would only do further damage. 

Some of these skill sets, being vulnerable, sharing the needs and stuff, it’s important to be in that safe environment because if it’s not a safe partner or safe family member, it’s only going to cause more damage. 

Carrie: Absolutely. I think there may be people who are in situations as well that aren’t necessarily to that extreme where they’re unsafe, but they may feel like, “Okay, I’ve tried to open up to my partner before, or I’ve tried to talk with them about what’s going on with me and it just kind of falls flat” or “I don’t get the emotional response or the support that I’m looking for.” I think in those situations, it’s really great as far as having a marriage counselor who’s a third party to be able to comment and say like, “Hey, did you see what your spouse was just trying to communicate to you there?” You see what you need from this person now and it helps bridge a gap of communication for them to be able to receive that support. 

Summer: Absolutely. I think that part of my job is to feel those pieces where things maybe start to heighten a little bit, soften those areas, and allow that emotional engagement in a new way to take place. Because so many times we are in that negative mindset that it can’t happen because “it didn’t happen before and see all those times in the past when we tried and I was minimized.” And so being able to allow a new experience of doing that is still important. That’s why therapy is really great to help give new experiences to the old so that you know, “we can do this.” You’re setting up some wins in there for the relationship and it’s so beautiful to see those happen and the connection and just the love that takes place whenever couples finally, “Oh wow. He does care.” “She does respect me or love me and value me.” It’s just so neat to see some of those things take place because a lot of times these wounds have been going on for years and so to finally be met with what you’ve been desiring all along, it’s just beautiful to see. 

Carrie: Yeah. I know too that there can be situations and maybe you’ve experienced this with some of the couples that you’ve worked with, sometimes anxiety can drive the other spouse a little nuts because they feel like either the person who’s anxious is maybe asking a lot of questions or they’re trying to control things out of their anxiety. [00:26:56] They may be asking for a lot of reassurance and it might be exhausting or wearing on that spouse. And I’ll throw into for OCD, sometimes people with OCD will rope their spouses into their process, into some of their compulsions and want them to engage in some of those with them. So I guess talk a little bit about that. Maybe some help for those spouses who feel like I’m just being driven badly by this anxiety. 

Summer: I think it’s really important to have boundaries. Sometimes those can be hard to define and so I think again that can be where therapy can help. Individual therapy for the person with the anxiety, so that they can gather their own coping mechanisms and skill sets. Those self-regulating self-soothing kind of skill sets. Couples therapy can help them to communicate together, to help establish some boundaries. It’s not that you can’t ask any questions, but when you have 30 questions, that is exhausting.

Rather than being dependent on that person to rescue you or to somehow fix or change what’s going on, being able to say, “okay, what do I have within myself to help me where their support is an aid to it.” So the partner is not the savior, not the rescue.

It’s really important when you get into knowing your cycle. So if you’re anxious, knowing your anxiety cycle, that’s there knowing your couple dynamic and your couple cycle. There is going to be really important too because then you can start to identify it earlier and catch it before it spirals and so that’s really important too is to identify that.

Carrie: I think probably one thing that would be really loving for a spouse maybe to say to someone is, “Hey, I’m noticing that this topic of conversation or this situation that you’re dealing with, or maybe a problem that we’re trying to solve, it seems like, it’s ramping up your anxiety.” Because the spouse may notice possibly before the individual that they’re getting anxious, just depending on people’s awareness levels. A lot of times people can see things we can’t see in ourselves. 

Summer: Yeah. It’s when we identify those pieces, sometimes the other person’s maybe not aware of it, but we’re on the outside and we can maybe bring that to attention or if that person identifies those pieces, being able to communicate that. So for example, my husband deals with some anxiety. At night, if I bring up bills or money or financial talk, like it just kind of just gets his mind, he has a hard time shutting it down and so I have learned, and sometimes I have to be reminded not to talk about this at night. For me, I’m just so busy through the day that whenever I’m finally in bed and my mind coming down from the business of the day, all of the different things start coming into play and I’ll be like, “Oh, hey, did we?” and I’m gonna be up for a little bit longer just processing for himself.

We need to be respectful of the requests of our partner, whether it’s, “Hey, at this time of day, I don’t want to have these kinds of conversations” or, “Hey, I get really stressed out” or “we go on a trip.” I’m kind of a crazy person before we go on vacation. I want to make sure the house is good.

So whenever we come back home, I don’t have to do any cleaning, you know and just packing and all that kind of stuff and so my husband knows I just sometimes need space and so if he takes our child and goes out for a little bit just to give me the house to myself so I can be my crazy self by myself for a little bit.

It’s kind of knowing the needs of your spouse, knowing your spouse and being able to respect and give that space or whatever the request is that they have to help them in that process, whether it’s just stress or whether it is that full-blown anxiety or those panic attacks.

You know, if it’s social anxiety being able to say, “Okay, here’s a code word that we have a little bit like I’m, I’m starting to feel certain things.” Let’s start heading out kind of a thing. So it’s not like everybody else, you know, cause embarrassment is a big thing. It’s just between you guys, “Okay. I heard the code word. All right. We’re going to celebrate it by and we’re gonna start to head out.” 

So there’s different ways that you can accommodate and support each other based on those requests, those needs. It’s both communicating when you are aware of those things, but then also for the partner to maybe inquire like, “Hey, I’m noticing this, do you find that to be true for you?”

That way, because you’re exploring it together you’re a unit. Anxiety can be like the third person in the marriage. The worst thing is just to dismiss it and act like it’s not there. Acknowledge it and give it a name if you want to. I have a client that her anxiety is called “the jerk.” The jerk went with me today to the grocery store and I love it and I encourage that even the couple dynamic. Rather than pitting at each other, the blaming, and stuff like that, let’s call our cycle. It’s the cycle doing this. It’s not you. I think that that can really help to alleviate because it is a third-party in the marriage. It is a third party in the relationship and so I think that being able to put that some shift, that blame so to speak where it goes rather than the person allows room for grace. 

Carrie: Yeah. That’s so huge because if you look at it “as my spouse is not what I’m fighting against” like I’m wanting to maybe work with this anxiety and manage it differently, not my spouse. And so that takes the attention away and maybe eases some of those conflicts that may occur. I think accommodating each other in marriage is a huge thing and being willing to sacrifice your own interests at times. You may want to stay at the party for three hours, but you know, you’re like, it’s going to be amazing for your spouse to tolerate one hour. Sometimes you may just have to be like, “Hey, let’s just go to the party for one hour or we’re just going to quickly drop in and drop out.” And it’s not a big deal, but also encouraging someone with maybe some social challenges to still get out there, “Okay. Let’s not stay home because that would just be giving into the anxiety.”

Summer: Yeah, that only perpetuates the cycle. I think it’s identifying that there is a shame piece that comes into play here. You feel bad that you are impacting your partner’s life in this way. You feel guilty about different things and then you feel just an adequacy of yourself as well. And so while you’re trying to find relief from the negative and unwanted feelings that you have, the way that your partner interacts with you can really make a difference on that shame piece because it can perpetuate it. If you come at with those accusations or just that resentment and that bitterness, it can really perpetuate those wounds that are there.

Carrie: Right. So we talked a little bit about listening to your spouse. We talked and he like really, truly listening saying, “how can I help you and support you in this?” Maybe sometimes making compromises or meeting halfway there. Anything else that you’d add to that advice?

Summer: I think just the acceptance. Accepting them, accepting your partner for all who they are. That’s important regardless of having anxiety or not having anxiety. I think sometimes we forget, we only see the negative things that come into play or the external stressors that impact relationships and family units and we forget the good. And so I’ve seen loving, accepting all of who they are and anxiety is a piece of who they are. It doesn’t define them. That doesn’t define who you are, but it shapes an aspect of who you are and so being able to accept that piece of them and loving them through whatever episodes or symptoms they are displaying. It kind of goes back to just some pieces of those attachments of feeling worthy, feeling loved, valued. 

As spouses, as partners, as family members, as we interact with each other, being able to dig down into those deeper aspects of acceptance and love and, and worth I think that’s just really huge. 

Carrie: We don’t realize how accepting people where they’re at is transformative. We think if I accept you where you’re at then that means you’re just going to stay stuck, [00:37:24] but really it’s that beginning point that stirs up something within you of like, “I want to grow. I want to be a better person. I want to have positive outcomes because this person is really seeing me for who I am and they are totally loving me and totally accepting me and now I want to be a better person.” I think that that happens in marriage. I really think that that’s a parallel of what happens in our relationship with Christ, like part of this sanctification process. 

Summer: Yeah. I totally agree. It makes me think of Paul in Acts and he comes across, I can’t remember the name of the man that he was baptized by John the Baptist and he was teaching and he was having people that were coming to followers and he was teaching, but Paul approached him and he was like, “No, you stopped. You heard from John the Baptist and then you just stopped and you didn’t know about Christ.”

I mean he just stopped right there and it’s like, “Whoa! no hope.” A whole bunch of stuff has happened since then but he was stagnant. He was stuck at so he was misleading people based on the very limited information and things that he had and so Paul was able to tell him the truth about Jesus Christ and even John the Baptist pointed to Christ. He didn’t just stop there. I think that is so true. Don’t stop. Don’t stay where you are, even as a believer, don’t just, “Okay. Yep. I already know about Jesus. I know this. I know that. I’m good. I’m good.” It’s like, “Whoa, but you’re missing out on so much more.” 

I think that when you look at relational health, sometimes we’re like, “Yep. I got the tools. I got the skill sets. I’m done. I’m good” but wait, you’re missing out on so much more just because you have these things here. Are you actually applying it? Are you continuing to grow in that? Education is so huge with anything but especially mental health. 

I’ll ask people when they come in and said, “Okay, so you got this diagnosis. What do you know about it?” I am sometimes surprised at some people like, “I don’t know. This is what I was told.” And I was like, “okay, let’s explore.” or I will have a partner who says, “well, this is my wife she struggles with anxiety.” And I’m like, “okay, well, what do you know?” And like, “no, that’s her thing” like, “I don’t need to educate myself about it. I live with it.”

I’m like, “No, you need to educate yourself as well” and really that speaks volumes to your partner. If you were to say, “wow, okay, let me learn about this. Let me get in a support group with people who are married to somebody with bipolar or anxiety.” It builds a deeper support of like, “wow, you’re actually trying to understand me” and not just that, but you are accepting this part of me. You’re not just in this denial that this is going on. You’re actually accepting this and you are wanting to learn more about it, which is going to benefit the marriage itself. 

Carrie: Right. Absolutely. I love that. So we’re kind of winding down towards the end. So I’ll ask you the question that gets asked of everyone on the show. So since it’s called Hope for Anxiety and OCD, I’d love for people to share a story of a time in their life where they received hope from God or another person. 

Summer: It’s hard to narrow. I don’t wanna say narrow it down, but when we actually stop in and give that gratitude and that praise. It’s just amazing how much God is in the detail of things. A  lot of times when I think of the hope or just the faithfulness of God in my life, I have to look at my own marriage. I was single until 28. I got married at 29. I came from a very large family and always wanted many children and of course the older I got, I could do the math in my head. “Okay, Lord, this isn’t like going to happen. Of course, that was before like people in their forties started having kids and stuff but there’s like, “okay, wait my large family is going to happen” but God was in the details of my husband and I knew each other from way back when, but just went our own separate ways but we reconnected. I inherited three amazing children in our marriage.

My deal breaker was I wanted a child and so if my husband were going to get married, he would have to agree that we could have a child together and he said, “okay”. So again, “Okay, Lord. I have three children and I want that camaraderie. I want them to grow up with a younger sibling.” And so my timing was shortly after, “let’s settle in to married life and blended family life,” but few years were going by and it’s like, “Okay, Lord, is this going to happen?” Just a lot of questions. My husband kinda gave up like, “okay, it’s not going to happen around him” and it took us a few years. God knew again, being in the details and perfect timing. The bonding that I was worried about. The boys were in high school whenever we had our son and through college, one of the boys stayed home and commuted and the bonding was just amazing.

It was just all of those fears and all of those concerns or those questions. It wasn’t my timing but the timing was just perfect. It wasn’t always my way, but God knew what he was doing and just being in the details. And so that to me was just the hope of a large family, the hope of the bonding and that unity among the family and God just blessed it. When those doubts or when fears or things come into play, whether you’re single or whether you’re in an empty marriage or divorced, and you still have that desire I think that God is in the details and his timing is amazing. It’s not always our time where I think about the big things in my life where desire and hope and blessing come together. I would say it’s definitely my family unit.

Carrie: It’s amazing how God will give us those desires like for you it was for to have a large family and God totally filled that in a way that you couldn’t have imagined at that point in time like you were thinking that all of those children would be completely biologically yours and you ended up with a beautiful family picture and it’s amazing how God’s dreams are much better than things that we could dream on our own. And when we try to do it our ways or in our timing, it just never quite shakes out and we can become disappointed. I appreciate that story cause I do believe it’s hopeful and will be hopeful for many people listening.

Thank you so much for taking the time to be on the show and share your wisdom with us now. 

Summer: Thank you for having me here. I appreciate that. 

____________________________________________________

Summer and I have had lots of conversations off the air about reducing shame and stigma in the church in regards to mental illness. So it was an absolute treat to be able to have some of those conversations on the air to be able to share those with you all.

I wanted to share some feedback that I received today regarding the podcast. Erica writes, “I enjoyed your first podcast about your life. It was so inspiring. It had it all. I laughed. I cried and I got goosebumps with your transformation.”

Thank you so much Erica for sharing that. I really appreciate it. 

If you want to share what the podcast has meant for you, you can either write a review or you can go on hopeforanxietyandocd.com and reach me in the comments section. Thanks so much for listening.

Hope For Anxiety and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing is completed by Benjamin Bynam. 

Until next time. May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

My Personal Experience with Antidepressants

I was staring at my computer screen, watching the cursor flash, almost as if it were coaxing me to finish my progress note. Running on a constant lack of sleep, my mind was fuzzy, and I couldn’t string words together in a way that made sense. What was I trying to write about this client’s session yesterday? My supervisor would be sending me an email soon about how my notes the prior day had not been completed. What would I tell her as to why? I must have stared at that computer screen for 30 minutes, getting nothing done, before I decided it was time to call my doctor. 

Continue reading

14. How to Find a Therapist Who is Right for You

On this solo episode, Carrie shares about how to find a therapist who is right for you. 

  • Carrie shares her own experience searching for two different counselors and how she made the decisions she did in her search.
  • How to evaluating your personal situation with time, scheduling/location, and budget before beginning the search 
  • How to start the online search for a counselor and what to look for

Resources and links:
For more detailed information on finding a counselor who is right for you, check out Carrie’s ebook:
Finding a Good Fit on the First Try: The Ultimate Guide to Finding a Therapist

If you are anywhere in the state of TN and would like to see Carrie Bock, click here.

Other sites for finding a therapist:
Psychology Today
Open Path Collective (low cost option)

Support the show

More Podcast Episodes 

Transcript Of Episode 14

Hello, welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD episode 14. 

Today on the podcast, we are going to talk about how to find a therapist who is right for you. Maybe you’re in the process of looking for a therapist or you’ve thought about looking for a therapist in the past and the process seemed really overwhelming. Hopefully this will break it down for you to make it a little bit easier. 

I have found that finding a therapist is much different than finding a medical professional. Unfortunately, a lot of times people approach it the same way, ending up in disappointment and frustration.

I want to start by telling you about a couple of different times that I tried to find a therapist to start us off.

Many years ago before I got divorced and I was still married, I was dealing with some work stress and my relationships stress. I decided that I wanted to go to counseling. I was looking for someone who was a Christian not because I was concerned about being given advice that wasn’t Christian or somehow being led astray from the faith, but I thought it’s just going to be a lot easier on me if this person has that shared experience. There will be a lot less that I feel like I have to explain to another person because to explain my faith to someone else is going to take a lot of time and so pretty important dynamic in my life. 

I also was looking for someone who was within say about 30 minutes of my house. I wasn’t particularly concerned about driving, but I didn’t want to drive too far. I was thinking that I was probably going to be a little bit more comfortable talking to a woman than a man at that point. I was also looking for someone who would be able to take my employee assistance program which if you don’t know what that is, it’s something that’s usually a part of your benefits package with your employer and that allows you to have three to five, sometimes all the way up to eight sessions for free. Because at that point in time, my budget for therapy was zero. So free was good. 

The other thing I knew was that I was going to have to go to therapy probably in the morning because the majority of my work responsibilities were taking place in the afternoons and evenings. I was seeing kids and so I needed to be able to see them after school got out. 

This led me to a few different people. The first counselor that I tried, I didn’t have a good connection with. In fact, I felt like she was rather judgmental concerning my situation and what I was dealing with and coming in for. So I only went one session to her and did not go back, but I ended up finding another counselor who met those criteria and I did really great work together. She was the main one that actually helped me through my divorce process because I saw her before really during and after for an extended period of time and got a lot of my own stuff worked through.

I’m definitely so thankful that God led me to her. Then I had a therapeutic break. Life was pretty stable and going relatively well, but I got to a point as I talked about in episode 10 with Steve, where I wanted to get back into dating, but every time I tried to, my body basically completely revolted against it, and my mind was all over the place. So that was not going to work for me. I knew that there was probably still some past residual stuff from my last relationship that I hadn’t fully worked through. 

And at this point, I was still looking for a counselor who was a Christian and I was looking for a male. I decided to go see a male because I wanted to get the opposite sex perspective on dating. I didn’t know how healing and therapeutic that would be for me to end up with a male therapist, but it was so beneficial for me. I’m glad I went in that direction.

I wanted to see someone online via telehealth therapy. There were really two reasons for that. One reason was that I had recently started providing telehealth therapy to some of my clients and I wanted to see what the experience was like on the other end. The other reason I wanted to do telehealth was because I did not want to see any of the therapist near me. Therapy circles are relatively small. I didn’t want to have to worry about seeing this person at local professional gatherings or local connections of different EMDR therapists.

I was looking for EMDR trained therapist because I am very familiar with it. I have done EMDR in the past and it was very helpful. It turned out in the most amazing way. That’s not mainly what we did. We ended up doing some somatic experiencing work together, which was also very healing and very therapeutic for me. That was an unexpected blessing of this particular therapeutic journey.

I was looking to pay cash because I did not have health insurance at the time. I had health sharing through medic share at that juncture. I knew that counseling wasn’t going to be covered anyway. I had to kind of figure out what my budget was going to be, what I was going to be able to afford to pay and decided to go every other week to help with the cost factor. I also didn’t necessarily need weekly therapy. I was looking for someone who worked on Wednesdays because Wednesdays at that point was my filing paperwork day. I didn’t see clients and had more flexibility to do personal appointments. 

In each of these examples, I was looking for some things that were similar and some things that were different, but I had to go through these processes of what I was looking for before I got lost in the search process.

You know how it is when you go to Google something, and next thing you know you’ve clicked on 20 different links. You don’t know how you got there. You have a huge list of people to choose from, and it can become super overwhelming and hard to narrow that list down. 

The first advice that I would give you if you’re a Christian, if you believe in God and prayer like I do is to pray that God will lead you to the right person. God knows exactly what you need. If you need a therapist and you need somebody that can walk you through the speed bump of life that you have hit then I believe that God is going to be faithful and open up that door and lead you to the right person at the right time. 

Before you start searching and get lost in the internet jungle or the phone calling jungle, you want to think about several different considerations. One is who do you think that you would be most comfortable talking to about these personal issues? Would you be more comfortable talking with someone who is a Christian? Would you be more comfortable talking with a female or a male? Does it matter if they’re older or younger? Some of these may seem superficial to you but they’re legitimate.

As I explained in my stories, there was a reason I went to see a female at one point and there was a reason I went to see a male at another point. That’s nothing against female therapists out there. That just wasn’t what I needed at that time. I don’t think there’s any shame in saying, “Oh, I think I would be more comfortable with someone older” if that’s the case. That doesn’t mean you’re negatively judging younger therapists. 

The second thing that I encourage you to think about is what do you want to get out of therapy? This is really important, so crucial. Most people don’t think about it and the reason they don’t think about it is because they’re in a crisis. All they know is they’re feeling awful and they want to feel better. 

Sometimes I’ll have people fill out in their paperwork comments like, “I just want to be happy.” What in the world does that mean because happy to me may look completely different than happy to you. So you need to get really clear about what it is that you’re hoping to accomplish. Is it something where you would say, “okay, I’m looking to learn some new tools to manage my anxiety in a healthier way” or “I’m looking to gain more insight into myself because I’m recognizing that I keep getting in situations or patterns that aren’t a good fit for me?” “I want to be able to communicate in healthier ways with my husband.” All really good goals.

Now in light of that, you may be looking for a counselor with specific training in a certain area whether that’s some kind of training with OCD or training that has to do with processing past trauma. Maybe you need someone who has experience working with addiction because that’s something you’re struggling with right now. Whatever it is you want to make sure that your counselor is going to be able to treat you for what you’re bringing in. Counselors typically don’t work with all issues they tend to after they graduate, get more specialized training. We all have to get a certain number of continuing education hours and so we tend to funnel those hours towards things that are interesting to us.

I like to tell younger therapists that your specialty finds you. You don’t find your specialty. For me, I believe that was God leading me in the direction that I ended up going because I had an interest in trauma early on when I was working with children and that caused me to get trained in several different types of trauma therapy to be able to help them.

Now that I’m working with mostly adults and a few teenagers, I’m really working on childhood trauma but it’s just manifesting in adulthood. I ended up getting some additional training in OCD that I’ve found interesting because I had clients who were presenting initially with anxiety and then after some time we found out that their symptoms were really related to OCD. So it seemed like a gradual shift for me to get more training in that area. 

If you see a counselor who looks like more of a generalist, and they’re saying that they treat a lot of different areas. You may just want to ask them if there’s a theme of what their continuing education has been in, or if there are certain diagnoses or types of clients that they feel like they work the best with.  

You want to consider the location of your counselor. This may or may not be important to you. I think many times people pick a counselor who is close to their house, which is not a bad place to start looking. It may make more sense for you to look for someone closer to your work or in between your home and work that you could see on the way to work or on the way home from work.

I would also encourage you to consider telehealth counseling because if you are willing to see someone online via video, then that opens up your network to any provider who’s licensed in the state that you’re in. This can specifically help If you have a hard time finding someone in your area who is on your insurance panel. So the people closest to you may be full who take your insurance, and then you can expand that search out and possibly find someone maybe in your surrounding area that’s accepting new clients via telehealth. Telehealth is also really helpful for people who live in small towns. Maybe you’re concerned about confidentiality or you have personal relationships with the counselors in your town. There may be some ethical boundaries that might be crossed if you were to go see them. So definitely consider telehealth as an option for you. 

Now let’s talk about budget, the dreaded B-word. You need to think about what your budget is for counseling before you ever go. So sit down, look at your finances, talk to your spouse, if you have one. Crunch some numbers and figure out what could I afford to pay either weekly or every other week to be able to see someone. Your budget for therapy is really going to help you determine whether or not you want to find someone who accepts your insurance or whether or not you need someone who does sliding scale or whether or not you can afford to pay for therapy out of pocket.

So let’s talk about each one of those. If you are using your insurance for therapy, please, please, this is so important. You need to understand your benefits before you are thinking about utilizing them on a regular basis. We’re not talking about when you go to the ER because you’re in a dire emergency and you hand someone a card and you get a bill later. You’re going to have a patient responsibility. When you show up for counseling, it’s important for you to determine what that is. That also helps you figure out the whole budget thing as well. You need to know who the carrier is for your mental health benefits. This is not always the same as your physical health benefits.

I know that’s very confusing and sounds bizarre for some of you listening to this, but I promise you if you flip your insurance card over and there is a different number for behavioral health than there is for physical health, you probably have a different company that is covering those mental health benefits. Most people don’t know this. So they will seek a provider that takes the coverage where their medical benefits are and sometimes that gets discovered by the counselor ahead of time. Sometimes it doesn’t get discovered until billing comes back and you’ve been denied. Then next thing you know, you owe that counselor for the rest of the balance of those appointments. So don’t let that happen to you if you’re looking at using insurance, be a good consumer and understand all of your benefits before seeking services. When you call the insurance company or go online, you’re going to want to ask about your mental health benefits specifically for outpatient therapy. You’re going to want to know if you have a copay or if you are meeting a deductible. Oftentimes if you’re meeting a deductible that’s shared with your medical health deductible. So it’s coming out of that same fund. This is important because if you get knee surgery in February and you know that you’ve met your deductible or almost met your out of pocket max, you’re probably going to be pretty golden to go to therapy and not have to pay If you have your out-of-pocket max met. On the other hand, if you have a super high deductible and you hardly ever use your insurance, it may not necessarily be cheaper for you to use your insurance in that case. You’d want to really cost compare and look at that. 

The last thing I want to point out for consideration before you start looking for a therapist is time and scheduling. You need to look at your time that you have and what you have scheduled with work childcare, responsibilities, etc etc. You need to think through when would I actually be able and available to go to therapy? Now we have time for what we make time for. I have clients who see me before work. Clients who get out of work early towards the end of the day to see me. I have clients who meet with me on their lunch break. So I know that you can make it happen if you want to make it happen. This may mean making some kind of special arrangements with your employer to work something out one day a week or one day every other week. You can do this. If you absolutely are on a very rigid schedule and you can’t do that with your employer, then what you need to do probably is look for a counselor who does evening or weekend appointments. So you’ll want to make sure that you clarify that as you’re calling and as you’re looking at websites, you will want to try to see if you can figure out the hours that that therapist works, or when you call them, ask if they work evening or weekend hours. If you think about what you need ahead of time, you’re going to be able to advocate for yourself and weed out people that aren’t able to accommodate your schedule.

So you’ve looked at the various considerations and now you’re ready for your search.

Is there a pastor or a church leader that you can ask for a counseling referral from? Do you have friends that you know that I’ve been pretty open about going to therapy? If you’re looking for your kids, does maybe the guidance counselor at your school know some referrals? Or you could just pull up your insurance list if you’re looking at using insurance and just seeing who the available providers are.  

Now as far as with getting recommendations from maybe friends or family, what they’re looking for in a therapist may not be what you are looking for in a therapist, but sometimes it’s a good place to start and you can at least check that person out and see if they might be a good fit for you.

Since we are living in the age of the internet, there is so much information that you can find out about therapists online without ever having to pick up the phone and call anybody. I know that that’s really hard for some people who are anxious to make those phone calls. So the beauty is often you can reach out via email or through someone’s website. Also sometimes it’s difficult to reach therapists on the phone if they handle their own phone calls and are not a part of a bigger office, then oftentimes you’ll end up getting their voicemail because they’re in session and aren’t able to answer the phone. 

When you’re doing your online research, you may want to keep some type of list or a spreadsheet with who you reached out for and reasons that you may want to contact them or not contact them. For example, maybe you find out that Susie Smith doesn’t work with OCD, so they might be ruled out for you If you’re looking for a counselor who works with OCD. You may find that John Smith doesn’t do couples therapy and that’s what you’re looking for is couples counseling. He was referred to you by a friend of yours who’s seeing him for individual therapy, but then you realize he doesn’t actually have what you’re looking for. Maybe you rule out another counselor because they don’t take your insurance and you can’t afford their self-pay rate. 

There are many different places that you can look online for a therapist, probably the most popular one is psychologytoday.com. Psychology Today has a magazine. They’re a secular entity but there are many Christian therapists on there if you’re looking for a Christian. Just because it’s a popular place to post a profile and it’s relatively inexpensive on our end to be able to do so. You can narrow down the searches on Psychology Today, which I really like. You can narrow them down by location, insurance, male, female, the issue that you’re coming in for and that really helps you narrow down your search. 

You can also look for counselors through a specific professional organization. For example, the AACC has a counselor search on their website. If you’re looking specifically for EMDR therapy, you can go to the EMDR international association website. I’ll post these websites in the show notes for you guys, just so you can kind of see. If there’s a specific type of therapy that you’re looking for, you can look for a therapist who has training or certification in that specific therapy. 

Hopefully, your search has led you to maybe about three different names. If you can narrow it down to just a few people and then reach out to those few people and see who contacts you back. Unfortunately, sometimes counselors are really bad about getting back to people. I don’t know why this is because I think of everyone who contacts me as an individual who is brave enough to reach out for help. And so even if I don’t provide what they’re looking for, at least I try to steer them in the right direction or be kind enough to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” That would be a good thing. But if you don’t have people call you back just know that that’s not on you and it’s not an uncommon experience fully. One of those three people will call you back and you can either ask them additional questions that you may have, or you can go ahead and schedule with them and try it out.

Even with all the work to find a therapist, you may end up in that first session feeling like this is not going to work for me for one reason or another. I want to let you know that’s okay. Sometimes, as they say, it’s quote just a “not a good fit.” So if it’s not a good fit or it’s not gonna work for you for some reason, don’t give up, go back to your list. Go back to the search process, get back up on the horse, and try again. I can say from my own experience that I’m really glad that I kept trying until I found somebody that I could trust and a place where I could get exactly what I needed. 

I’d like to end with a story of hope as I normally do when I have guests on the podcast. This story is actually about finding medical help. I had an issue that I had been struggling with for several years. I had convinced myself that this issue was psychological and that somehow it was my fault and I needed to just fix it psychologically. It turns out that wasn’t the case. I actually had a physical medical condition. So when I finally got brave enough to talk with a doctor about it, they referred me to another person. And after a little while, I was working with that person and we really weren’t getting anywhere, unfortunately, and I said, “Hey, what we’re doing is not working here” and they said, “well, I’m just going to send you back to the doctor that referred you over here.” And I said, “that doesn’t even make any sense to me like they didn’t know what to do with me so they referred me to you. How are you going to refer me back to them?” And when I went back to that doctor, I actually saw a different provider in the office. I had to advocate for myself guys, because sometimes you have to do this in medical situations and I had to say, “I’m not at all getting what I’m needing here from you guys. This is why I came in and I’ve been on this wild goose chase that’s now lasted a couple months and nobody’s helping me.” I was almost like to the point of tears. And he said, “Okay, let’s do this test or let me look at this.”

And he said, “I think I may know what’s going on with you, but, you know, I don’t really have that much experience treating it.”  He was just so wonderful in the sense that even though he wasn’t able to help me. He was able to let me know there is something physically going on with your body that you need taken care of.

I just didn’t give up guys. I just think that’s so important. Just don’t give up. If you aren’t getting the help that you need, keep searching, keep going forward, keep looking.  

I did some online research and I found this doctor in the next county over and I made an appointment with him and he was able to help me to the point where I’m not having that issue anymore. I was just so thankful and so blessed but it was a journey that took me months. It took me time, energy, money, three different medical professionals, test after test, but I got to where I needed to be and I’m so thankful to the Lord for that. First of all, that he gave me the courage to keep going and the hope and the strength to not give up, and that he steered me in the right direction for the people that could help me so that I didn’t have to continue in that suffering anymore. The only regret that I have about going on that journey is that I didn’t start it sooner. I really wish that I had.  

So if there’s something that you’re facing and you can’t do it alone and you need to get help, if the first person doesn’t help you, try the next person, and if they can’t help you, try the next person. Don’t give up guys.

Would you like to share your story of hope? You can do that by going to hopeforanxietyandocd.com and clicking on the contact link. 

Hope for anxiety and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing was completed by Benjamin Bynam. 

Until next time. May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.

Five Signs It May Be Time to Get a New Therapist

You’ve waited a long time to get help, finally gotten the nerve to go to therapy, but just aren’t sure about your therapist. Is this really helping? How do you know when it’s time to keep working with your current therapist or walk away? Here are five signs it may be time to get a new therapist:

1. You don’t feel heard.

Sometimes, you may feel like your therapist just isn’t getting it. They try to summarize or reframe what you’re saying, but get it wrong. You may just have a gut feeling that there is no way they can empathize with the story you are telling. Now don’t get me wrong, it would be impossible for me to have gone through everything my clients have gone through. However, it’s important for me to be able to empathize with feelings of sadness, anger, shame, or disappointment they have had in a particular experience. In my own experience of receiving therapy, I’ve been to therapists who were cold or kept steering the conversation to what they wanted to talk about instead of what I was coming in for. It didn’t feel good, and I didn’t go back.   

2. Your therapist doesn’t have experience treating the issue you’re bringing in.

If he or she knows in the beginning, the ethical therapist won’t take you on as a client. Unfortunately, many therapists say they treat OCD without specific training or experience working with it. They may treat the OCD thoughts like they treat anxious thoughts, by challenging them or providing reassurance for them. This is problematic. While arguing with the thoughts or attempting to reassure them provides short term relief, it only ends up strengthening the OCD. 

In addition, therapeutic issues evolve over time. Destructive behaviors over time may rise to a greater level of concern than when therapy started. What isn’t a problem today may become a problem in three months. I’ve had clients in the past be referred to inpatient or intensive outpatient for substance use issues. Sometimes, clients do not reveal all their issues up front due to shame or lack of awareness that the issue is even a problem. 

3. You aren’t able to attend consistently.

Your therapist’s schedule may be so full that he or she cannot see you as regularly as you would like. Maybe your schedule has changed and no longer aligns with your therapist’s availability. You may be fighting to stay for a while because you dread starting over with someone else. However, in order to avoid losing momentum in therapy, you typically need to be seen at least every other week. 

Another reason people are not able to attend consistently is financial. If you were paying cash, but then had a change in financial situation, you may have to find a therapist who takes your insurance or is willing to work for a lower fee.

4. You aren’t reaching the goals you and your therapist have set together.

Counseling goals initially tend to be broad such as a client saying, “I want to feel less anxious” or “I want to be happy again like I used to.” To turn these more general goals into action steps, additional questions need to be asked such as: What would you be doing if you were less anxious that you are not doing now? What skills might you need in order to be less anxious? What does happiness look like for you? What is one small step you can take towards happiness today?  

If you have completed several sessions of therapy and don’t sense that anything is getting better in terms of your education/awareness regarding your issues, perspective on the issues you brought in, or how you are coping, it may be time to examine why. If you come into your therapy sessions rattling off everything that happened to you that week, you might want to examine if this is the best use of the time with your therapist. Think through what you would like to get out of your sessions or what topics are most important to you. Come with questions from time to time. 

I challenge my clients not to see therapy as part of their routine. While they may see me every Tuesday at noon, I don’t ever want that to be just something they do on Tuesdays. I want them to progress beyond where they are today, so they don’t have to continue seeing me each week. If you’re not sure if you’re making progress, ask someone in your life such as a spouse or a best friend if they have noticed any differences in you. Ask your therapist as well. Frequently, my clients have high expectations of themselves and feel like they aren’t making progress when they are.    

5. You want more out of the experience than you are getting.

I have a question on my intake asking if people have been to therapy before. The next question has them rate that experience as positive, neutral, or negative. The neutral responses are the most interesting. Clients will say, “My therapist just nodded and validated my feelings. I needed more.” I’m a big proponent that clients should advocate for themselves in therapy if they don’t feel they are getting what they need. If you aren’t happy, let your therapist know what you would like to be different and see if they can accommodate your requests.  

Other clients have reported a desire to “go deeper,” but their therapist didn’t ever dig deeper. There may be many different reasons for this. Good therapy is supportive; however, it’s also challenging. Your therapist’s job is to push you towards things you wouldn’t do on your own. If you could have figured out how to manage your problems or issues by yourself, you probably would have done it. Unfortunately, some therapists have not done enough of their own work to go into the deeper waters with you because they have never been there themselves. I’ve probably had hundreds of continuing education hours after graduate school at this point, but the most transformative thing I have done to become a better therapist is to go to therapy myself. Working on my own issues prevents them from coming up in the therapeutic relationship. I am able to show up more present and compassionate for others because I chose to show up present and compassionate for myself first. 

What now?

If you found yourself in one or more of the above categories and have been attending for several sessions, try talking to your therapist first. They are there because they want to help you. Talking about your experience with your therapist and the process is important. Give your therapist the opportunity to be on the same page you are on. If it doesn’t work out for some reason, move forward, knowing there is another provider out there for you.   


Carrie Bock, LPC-MHSP of By The Well Counseling is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in helping clients with trauma, anxiety and OCD get to a deeper level of healing through EMDR via online counseling across Tennessee and in person intensive therapy sessions. Carrie is the host of the Hope for Anxiety and OCD podcast, which is a welcome place for struggling Christians to reduce shame, increase hope, and develop healthier connections with God and others.

13. Panic Attacks, OCD, and God: A Personal Story with Mitzi VanCleve

Author Mitzi VanCleve shares her own personal story of experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD and ultimately, how God has used these things for good in her own life.

  • Obsessions Mitzi experienced even as a young child
  • Experiences of mental health stigma from Christians 
  • Learning about panic attacks from a magazine article
  • Mitzi’s experience with scrupulosity OCD
  • Acting as if
  • How she used used imaginal exposure to help treat her OCD
  • How she made the decision to take mental health medication as a Christian 
  • Wrestling with God about having OCD
  • How church leaders can support individuals experiencing OCD

Verses discussed: Psalm 13, 2 Cor 1:4-5, 2 Cor 12

Resources and links:
Strivings Within- The OCD Christian
In Your Dreams 
OCD Online
Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners
ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) 
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

By The Well Counseling

More Podcast Episodes

Welcome to Hope for Anxiety and OCD Episode 13. Today, I’m sharing an interview with author Mitzi VanCleve. She shares her own personal journey of diagnosis, treatment and interactions with the church in regards to dealing with panic attacks, anxiety and OCD. I’ve found her story to be incredibly hopeful in terms of how we can grow closer to God through struggles in our lives. So let’s dive in. 

Transcript Of Episode 13

Carrie: When did you start to have symptoms of OCD? 

Mitzi: Well, that really started even as far back as when I was a toddler. I know that sounds surprising. The only thing I can say about that is in my childhood right up until I was quite old, I never understood a lot of what I was experiencing was actually OCD. The first thing that I can go back and look at is really long-held obsessional fears and themes. The very first one was it was sort of unusual as OCD things are. It was a fear of being flushed down the toilet and the sphere was so intense that I would not use the big toilet until I was five years old and I was forced to go to kindergarten.

Even as a small child, three years old, four years old, I could sit there and watch a toilet being flushed, look at the hole in the bath and the toilet and say, “well, I can’t fit through there,” but it didn’t make any difference. My brain had just decided this was the thing to be afraid of and from there, once I got past that one, there was health obsessions. I remember, a really long period of time where I heard about the idea of swallowing your tongue and that just drove me nuts. I worried about it, wondered how that can happen. I ask my parents about it. I would forget about it while I was playing then when I go to bed at night it would come back and that’s when I would really struggle like the times when I didn’t have anything to do. So there was a lot of weird themes and health obsessions. 

By the age of 10 is when I first developed some obsessions related to self-harm. That just started with hearing about a form of not self-harm, but just a form of harm that could happen to a person. I don’t want to really go into the details. Sometimes it’s a little bit hard to explain specifically obsessions in details because it can get a little graphic and upsetting that people who don’t have OCD don’t really understand.

Why would you think that? And so this morphed from my fear of this thing happening to me to actually doing it to myself, like losing control and harming myself. That just went on and on and on for the longest time. There was something in me that knew these things weren’t at all logical and so they scared me so much.

I wouldn’t really tell my parents. I would exhibit symptoms of anxiety. I would have nausea. I would get up in the night shaking and feeling like I needed to vomit and things like that. I was afraid to, especially about the harming thing, I was afraid to verbalize that as a kid, but that’s where it started.

It became more debilitating after the birth of my children. After the birth of my second child, I developed panic disorder. Not knowing what that was I always struggled with social anxiety and just your basic kinds of anxiety disorders as a kid, but I didn’t know such a thing existed.

I never heard about OCD, anxiety disorders, panic disorder. Those words were foreign to me. I only heard about crazy people. There’s a thing where there’s a stigma and even as a child, the stigma was there. That idea that I might be crazy was terrifying to me and so when the panic attacks started, that felt like I was going crazy.

My first one was not nocturnal. I was falling asleep and I woke up with a panic attack and that happened to me a lot. It still does sometimes. I just know what it is now. That combined with that old harming obsession, the panic attack, the feeling of I’m losing my mind. I’m losing control. The derealization, that deep personal personalization that you feel at that moment makes you feel like you aren’t going to be able to control yourself. That combined with the harming themes. After the birth of my children, the harming thing switched from me, hurting me, going crazy, and possibly hurting one of my children in a really awful way and that was just so debilitating. I can’t even begin to describe how awful it was.

Carrie: The hard thing about OCD thing is that the themes do shift. As you get older or go through different developmental stages in life. It seems like once you have a handle on one theme, sometimes another theme will then pop up.

Mitzi:  Oh, yes, it’s very true about OCD. That’s why it’s important to understand how the disorder operates, how to get on top of a theme before it gets on top of you.

And then it grows too big and large. It gets kind of stuck in your head. I do try to tell people that there’s physical symptoms with this too when you’re going through this. For me, some of the things I experienced during that really bad season, which was a very long season of unharmosity was an inability to eat.

I struggled to get calories down. I’m five foot eight. I dropped to 114 pounds. People thought I was anorexic. It had nothing to do with anorexia. I just was nauseous. The anxiety was so bad. I couldn’t sleep. And of course, if you have an anxiety disorder and you’re not eating and you’re not sleeping, that makes things even worse because that level of physical stress on your body is going to make a disorder worse. So that was what it was like and how it was like for me before I knew it was wrong. 

Carrie: I’m curious about what your parents thought. Did your parents just think like, “Oh, she’s really nervous a lot, or she’s kind of an anxious child” or they had no idea everything that was going on in your head?

They didn’t. There were some people in my family, distant relatives who had struggles which caused them to even not want to leave their house and things like that. My mom would talk about that and she would say, “You know, you’re going to end up like that” but she didn’t really know what was going on.

 I know my mom, there were like reassurances, which is a usual reaction for a parent to do that. A lot of times it manifested just as me being sickly. When I was struggling with certain health obsessions, I would get very, just like I described

sick to my stomach and I would lose weight. And so they were taking me to the doctor and try to figure out what was wrong but it was being approached like it was a physical issue. A lot of this just due to the fact that I didn’t verbalize a lot of the OCD themes, but even if I had, I’m not sure there would have been enough knowledge back then for my parents to know what was going on because that was in the 60’s when I was growing up. I think the information and knowledge and understanding about what OCD is and how it operates has come a long way since then.

Carrie: Right and hopefully also our physicians and pediatricians are also able to recognize a little bit better when they’re seeing some symptoms that potentially could be anxiety in a child, which often presents more as physical ailments.

Mitzi: I will share that when I got really, really bad with the harming OCD and the panic attacks, they were just relentless. I lost count. I have no idea how many I would have in a day or in the evening. At that point, I did open up to my mom. I began to know, “okay, this obviously is something to do with a mental health issue.” And so all I can think of was I probably need to see a psychiatrist and so I needed to share that with him, somebody. I had talked to my husband very little about it, just a little bit and I opened up with my mom. Growing up as a Christian and in a lot of Christians, there was that stigma [00:10:30] especially back then that Christians don’t have mental health issues. And so as I was sharing with her, I thought it might be a good idea for me to see a psychiatrist. She was really upset about it and she talked about faith and then she said something that was really hard, “that’s just for weak people.”

It was hard because it put the brakes on my pursuing that at the time, and I did pursue it still, but I didn’t get a diagnosis. The person I saw didn’t have any clue and he was relating things to stress and it, again, faith and, and it just I got nowhere. 

Carrie: Okay. So you did see a psychiatrist, but they weren’t able to help you with that?

Mitzi: No, he just and of course, some of the scary obsessional themes, I didn’t verbalize them. I talked about anxiety and I talked about the panic attacks. I didn’t hit that word though. Just this is what’s happening and tried to describe it. So it wasn’t a good experience and it didn’t help me, sadly.

Carrie: Yeah, that’s unfortunate when people do reach out for help and then they find somebody that isn’t familiar maybe with OCD, or doesn’t quite know how to help them navigate through that process. 

So what was that process of getting the help that you needed? 

Mitzie: The first help that I got was really for the panic disorder and that was interesting.

I, I believe that during the time of my praying through this and asking God for help and just feeling so desperate that God came through. At that time I was still struggling. I was pregnant again, that tells you how long I was still struggling tremendously and I had become pregnant again.

I was about four months pregnant. I was at my aunt and uncle’s cottage, my husband and my brothers, my family, and my aunts and uncles they were watching a TV show which I did not need to watch at that time. It was called “Alien” which you’ve heard of. It’s the perfect show if you’re struggling. I was trying to avoid watching it.

So I picked up a reader’s digest magazine and the words on the front of the magazine where they show the stories, one of them said panic disorder. It said it might not be what you think it is. Just the word panic struck a chord with me. I opened up this magazine and started reading the story of this woman who had panic disorder and it was me. I was reading about myself and they listed all the symptoms of a panic attack and I had all of them. I finally had an answer for that. And so at the time, I was pregnant and I really couldn’t implement meds and things like that. I just started working on things like breathing techniques.

After I delivered, I started doing really intensive aerobic exercise. I was jogging four and five miles a day, and I gradually getting healthier which eventually took me into a period where the disorder waned. It wasn’t as bad as it had been, but that’s when I learned just about panic disorder. I didn’t have any idea about OCD and so that kind of wax and wane on and off throughout the rest of my life up until the age of 50.

Carrie: So I think your story is very similar to other people’s in terms of a lot of times there’s a big gap between when people start to have symptoms and when they even find out this is actually OCD they’re experiencing because they feel ashamed of the symptoms. They feel ashamed of the thoughts, or they feel like, “okay, this sounds really crazy and nobody’s going to understand it or believe it, or they’re going to lock me up somewhere if I tell someone that I’m having these thoughts especially related to harm.”

Mitzi: Yes. What you say about they’re gonna lock me up somewhere was a genuine fear of mine because I couldn’t understand why I was having the thoughts to start with. For me to share that with somebody, they’re going to be like, “You really are dangerous.” Sometimes I would think maybe that would be good because then my kids will be safe. That’s how awful it is. You feel like your brain is telling you this is something that you should be afraid of this thought. I say it’s almost like you have a phobic response to the thoughts that you’re having and you’re having to live with them in your head.

If it’s a spider or something, you can just run away from it. Once it’s a thought in your head, it’s there. All that you’re doing to try to get rid of it makes it worse. Of course it did with me because I didn’t know it was OCD and I didn’t know what to do about it. It was at the age of fifty.

Carrie: So at the age of 50, what happened?

Mitzi: I had already been struggling. I was going back through a flare of anxiety and panic attacks because there’d been a lot of stress in our life. I’m not going to go into all the details, there were a lot of changes, big life changes. One on disability moves, just lots of changes, lots of uncertainty.

And so I didn’t notice it for a while, but it was kind of too late by the time I did start to say, Oh no, you know, I’m going back through this again. I was having panic attacks. I was starting to have obsessions about my health again, related to stuff that normally I would just brush off. 

That’s how OCD is It’s always looking for a target, something to be upset about. During that time, I was praying again, reading my Bible, doing all the things I normally do as a Christian to try to receive information from God about what I can do about this. How can I help myself, but also just gain comfort. And I got a lot of comfort from the songs, even back when I was in my twenties, because I saw in there things that described how I was feeling. 

My son also gave me some sermons on tape and he said, “These are really good, Mom.” We always share things like this. So I put one of those sermons in. It was actually on it on a CD. I was doing dishes, I was trying to stay very busy and distracted. This particular pastor was talking about our struggles with sin. As Christians and I understood. It wasn’t new to me that as Christians, we will still be fighting sin our whole life. It’s not something that we’re cured of. It’s something we’re aware of. We’re made aware of when we become a Christian and we have a desire to please our Savior. So we work continually towards pleasing him through obedience. He finally says this one statement, which I don’t even know why he said it in the middle of the sermon. He says, “If you call yourself a Christian but you’re still all the time struggling and sinning as strongly with sin, you really might want to think, are you really a Christian? In the past I would have been like, “yeah, of course.” This time my brain just latched onto that. It was like, wait a minute. What if he’s right? What if all this time, all these years, I thought I was a Christian I’m not. And what if the reason I struggle with this thing, whatever it is is because of that. It just was like a dam broke open and the intrusive thoughts related to that, just pour it out just one after another.

I just began this war with it. It was a mental 24/7, every minute I was awake, I couldn’t sleep and that was the new OCD thing, but I didn’t know it was OCD.

Carrie: No one’s ever had that before. It was a new theme. 

Mitzi: Yeah. Until I was engaging with my compulsion. So by then, at this point in my life, of course, we had the internet and I was doing what’s called research, lots of Googling, researching around the topic of,  “Am I still saved?,” doubting your salvation. I was reading all these articles about how we can know we are Christians and I would read them. It didn’t help. It didn’t make it go away.Suddenly one day I stumbled across a Christian forum that said doubting salvation and then it said, OCD. I was like, ”what?” That’s what I’m going through. Out of curiosity, I opened it and I started reading the posts from the people in this group

and it was amazing. It was just like the Reader’s Digest thing. I was reading my story. They were telling exactly what I had been going through. I was stunned and as I read more and more in this forum, and then I started going further out about OCD, what it is, how it manifests, what causes it. I had it and I had it since I was a kid and I never knew, and that opened up the door for me to finally have a way to manage this beast called OCD.

From there I began learning and learning more about ERP, about medications, about therapies like ACT. All the ways that this thing that I called “it”, this ugly “it,” for all these years, it had a name. I get tearful sometimes talking about it because God did answer my prayer.

He just didn’t answer in the way I was wanting. The way I was wanting was just take this thing away, whatever it is. He was pointing me to, “This is what it is, and this is what you can do.” It was just astonishing to me that I could live my whole life, basically until I was 50 years old and never have been able to get help.

There were so many long seasons of just debilitating, crippling suffering, and it was hard for me to believe, but just the relief, so overwhelming. 

Carrie: We talked about that in an earlier episode with someone about how diagnosis itself can be a relief when you get a proper diagnosis. And then you can say, “okay, now that we know what we’re dealing with, what can we do about it?” “What’s our next step forward?

Mitzi: Exactly. Even after you get a diagnosis because OCD is OCD, it’s going to make you doubt but as you begin to bravely risk working with things like Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy for me, it was brave when I was told, I probably needed to try some medications, but that was hard for me. Some of that was pride. Some of it was just because I have never taken anything like that before. What will it do to me? All the fears and that was a big struggle, but it’s so worth it because the alternative is staying stuck and doing the same thing over and over and not getting better and feeling worse. 

I was determined just like with a panic disorder, I was like, “What can I do about this?” And I found out these things are effective. It was hard. It’s not like you began ERP and the next day, I’m all better. It’s a process. The longer you’ve been struggling with the theme, I think it’s a longer process. Your brain’s got this practice cycle of intrusive thought, anxiety response, compulsion, more intrusive thoughts, more anxiety, more compulsions. It’s a habit that needs to be undone and that takes time. 

Carrie: Right. Did you get into therapy at that point? 

Mitzi: I started going to a therapist and I think this is the hardest thing about OCD is being able to find a competent therapist. My therapist was good for dealing with basic anxiety disorders, like panic disorder, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, but when it came to OCD, she was asking me to apply basic cognitive behavioral therapy like you would for depression which would be to challenge the thoughts, to counter the thoughts into right logical reassurances.

Carrie: Which is exactly what you don’t want to do with OCD.

Mitzi: I started doing that and I got worse and I was like you know what, but there was one thing she offered up that was great and I still say it today, it’s act as if, and that’s part of the choice

part of OCD. OCD thoughts may be telling me this and telling me that, but I’m going to act as if these things aren’t true. And in the realm of Christianity and scrupulosity, even though my brain was telling me, “I think you might becoming an atheist.” I could say I’m going to act as if I’m a Christ follower. I’m going to do all the things that a Christ follower does even if my emotions will not validate that choice. That is my choice. So that aspect helped, the other was worse. So I pretty much learned on my own, I did visit some really good websites like ocdonline.com. Dr. Philippson. A lot of his work was just phenomenal to help me understand.

I learned about imaginal scripting, imaginal exposures, and I wrote them and did them and recorded them. I was able to learn that on my own, but a lot of people really do need a competent therapist because it takes a lot of grit and determination and courage to do ERP. I just think having a competent psychologist who’s trained to do these things and understands the disorder is something, unfortunately there just aren’t that many and a lot of it has to do with network, with insurance too, which was one of my biggest hurdles. I could not afford the counselors and the therapists that I needed to see. I had to go to the ones in network and even later on when I was going through a bumpy time with my OCD, after I knew what it was, I was just going through a really bumpy time.

I thought I could sure use someone right now and my therapist had passed and I called around and I would ask, or I would write. I know I communicated through email. I would say, “what do you know about ERP and ACT as far as treating OCD?” And they would say,” I don’t know what that is but I can help you with your OCD.” I’d be like, “Probably not.”  So that’s a hard thing. That’s a really hard thing.

Carrie: It is hard because really, therapists would have to pursue training after their degree to specialize in OCD. And a lot of people don’t do that unless they have some type of personal connection or in my situation, I was working with a lot of people who just thought they had anxiety and then I was starting to see more OCD as I was starting to hear more about what they were actually worried about and struggling with. So that’s kind of how I got branched off into it, but I think a lot of therapists have not received further training on it.

I want to get in with you on the spiritual aspects, really of struggling with OCD. I know a lot of people who are struggling out there probably are praying prayers just like you pray, “God, this is awful. I feel terrible. I’m all tore up inside. Will you please just like touch my body and touch my mind and take this all away.” How did you work through some of that wrestling with God?

Mitzi: When I didn’t know I had OCD, I did a lot of that and it was a wrestling time. I thought during that time, maybe this was due to pass. Maybe there was something I needed to confess. So I would pour over everything I could think of and current things and confess for the OCD and the anxiety I would go through. I knew these verses, every verse related to worry, anxiety, all of those things. 

I had most of that memorized. Anyway, I did understand what those things meant. What I didn’t understand was the difference. The Bible talks a lot about anxiety and worry, but if you look at those passages of scripture, you will see these are situational.

Worries and concerns, they’re about real-life trials and afflictions. It isn’t this always there’s a free-floating sense of dread and physical symptoms and everything of anxiety that can even be there when you aren’t even worried about anything. It’s like panic attacks, for instance. So that was confusing to me, but there was also a feeling because God wasn’t taking it away just miraculously. Maybe he’d abandoned me. 

There’s a particular Psalm, Psalm 13, I think it says “How long, Oh Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you keep hiding your face? Please answer me.” 

Just the desperation there of the feeling when we’re going through painful suffering and trials of “where’s God in all of this?” It took a while for me to understand growth through affliction and that came gradually. There’s several aspects of this. There’s my own, not understanding the difference between commonplace, worry that everyone experiences, and a disorder like anxiety or a real mental health issue.

That was the biggest hurdle for me to get over was to learn. So when I learned that I had OCD and I learned I have panic disorder, I was able to shift over into, “well, maybe this is how God’s answering my prayer.” I was able to see just like if  because I do have hypertension, the answer to that, God gave me wasn’t you just miraculously heal my hypertension, it was for me to go on medication, treat my hypertension. And so that helped me to understand that these are very real disorders and to learn about how they develop, why they develop, how they’re genetic. I see that in my family that’s definitely genetic and that it’s not a sin to treat a disorder and affliction and seek professional help for it.

That was something I had to work through, but when you try to talk about it to other Christians, actually, if you don’t know what’s going on, but you know it’s a mental health issue. You may not know, like we’ve talked about how you can have OCD and not know it. So you might be going to a pastor or Christian friend, and you might talk a little bit about your anxiety disorder.

They come at you with what I call “mini-sermons.” They start telling they start quoting you all the verses about anxiety as if you’d never heard them before. It was especially when they know you’re Christian. They know you study the Bible. They know that you followed Christ to the best of your ability.

It’s very condescending because they water it down too. “You just don’t know how to not worry because you don’t trust God.” This is a faith issue. If you had more faith, it’s even gone so far, and this is the one that drives me the most nuts is if you have a mental health issue or anxiety disorder, people will say things to you like you have a theme? That sort of thing. That’s bad. This is awful especially for a person with scrupulosity, religious OCD themes. I mean, that’s horrifying. It just makes it 10 times worse. There’s this lack of knowledge out there when it comes to understanding these disorders.

I really think anxiety disorders are probably the least understood because of Bible verses about worry being equated with an anxiety disorder and they’re not at all the same. And if you’re a sufferer you definitely know the difference, but people who don’t have experience or a loved one who they know and see going through this, they just automatically assume, unfortunately, that this is what it is.

Carrie: Right. It’s hard for pastors and ministry leaders to understand. They don’t necessarily have that type of training or clinical background. And sometimes they’re dipping toes in the water that they need to kind of stay out of and just say, “Definitely we will support you and love you and pray for you but we also want you to get professional help because that’s important and God can use those things in your life. God can use therapy and medication.” These negative experiences that you had with maybe pastors or other people in the church who were well-meaning, let’s say, and trying to help you, did that cause you to want to go public with your story and write a book?

Mizi: Yeah. Yes, it really did. It wasn’t just that though but that was a big part of it. What you just said about they really don’t have the training or the ability to recognize these disorders. Scrupulosity, for instance. If a person is struggling with doubts about their salvation and maybe this pastor has known this person for most of their life and they’re suddenly in their office and they’re going through all these thoughts with them, then the pastor gives them the reassurance from scripture and they’re like, “okay” and then they come back again.

They start saying the same thing over again and even the pastor there’s a level of frustration that can develop and they’re not equipped and they aren’t knowledgeable about OCD and how it manifests itself in a person who’s suffering. So I found that it was really important to share my story about living with anxiety disorders as a Christian and a Christ-follower, but in particular about OCD because it’s so misunderstood. And in particular about scrupulosity OCD because when you go that direction, people are even more inclined to think it’s a spiritual issue even the sufferers themselves really struggle.

They can even know they have OCD and they accepted about all the other kinds of themes and obsessions that they struggle with. For some reason, when it switches over to their relationship to Christ then it’s a spiritual issue. So the book explains why it’s not, and that OCD is OCD no matter what the theme, the treatment approach is the same. If there are things you don’t understand, which is very possible about your walk with God that you can learn through the Bible true, valid, real questions in OCD that can even happen because we’re all at different places in our walk with Christ. [00:37:05] You can still learn that thing, but you don’t have to learn it 50 times. That’s when you know, what’s OCD. It’s like if the answers don’t suffice, if the anxiety isn’t satiated, and laid to rest with answers that are logical reasoned arguments, it’s OCD. Especially if you have OCD, you can pretty much be sure. And so I wanted to lay that all out my own journey because I felt that there’s probably a lot of people with this struggle. If a Christian, a believer, a follower of Christ has OCD, there’s a good chance that it’s going to go that direction and they’re in their life at some point, because OCD always goes after what’s most precious to you.

And for the Christian, their walk with Christ is the most precious thing of their entire existence. So it’s going to go there and I wanted people to understand they weren’t alone, but I also knew there were a lot of people like me who got all the way to 50 or 25 or 30, 40, whatever and didn’t even know that that’s what it was. I thought by sharing my story they could discover that the way I did and, and get directed towards the help they needed and that was important to me. The other aspect of it is the growth in it through that. Before I go there, I did want to add to what you said about ways that the church can support people with these issues, these different kinds of anxiety, all mental health issues as far as that goes. 

I think the number one thing they do is listen and then validate the experience as a real affliction not merely a spiritual issue that can be fixed by more prayer, more Bible study, more faith but to literally be willing to support people and say, “Hey, this is a real medical or mental health issue for which you can get help. We want to encourage you towards going to your doctor and starting that process. We want to encourage you that if they say you should see the specialist to go ahead and do that.

We want to encourage you that if they suggest medication might be helpful to you, by all means, please, please do that because it’s so harmful to say things, like it’s a lack of faith and taking medication, means that you aren’t trusting in God and all the things that you can.

And it’s so harmful and I don’t even know how to describe what I’m trying to say. It puts up such a roadblock.

Carrie: It just makes the problem worse. 

Mitzi: Yeah and it hurts people. It’s important for churches to be able to be compassionate, pray for the person with a mental health issue, and the same exact way you pray for anybody who has any other type of health issue. Treat them the same, validate instead of turning it into a spiritual issue. I wanted to say that this is what the church needs to do. 

Carrie: Yeah. I think that that’s so important and so helpful because we have this ability to rally around people who have just had a baby in the church. We’re really good at that. We can bring you a casserole and we’re really good at rallying around somebody that’s going through cancer or has lost a loved one but then when it comes to something that’s invisible, like an anxiety disorder or OCD, almost like people don’t know what to do with that.

Mitzi: Yes. They either don’t know what to do with it or they’ve kind of bought into the stigma and I’ve tried to kind of sort that out. I don’t know all the reasons people don’t believe in the validity of mental health issues but I suspect that part of the reason might be just a fear of my total health issues because of when I was really young and I was first starting to experience these mental health issues to the point where they were debilitating, all I could think of was I’m going to get locked up in asylum. So there’s these visions and pictures that people have of what it’s like or what people are who are crazy, that sort of thing.

So there’s fear around stigma of what it is to struggle with any kind of mental health issue and it said because there’s so much help out there. There’s so many people in the churches that are sitting in the pews who have mental health issues and you won’t even do that. 

Carrie: Absolutely, that’s huge. So as we’re getting towards the end here at the end of every show, I like to ask the guests to share a story of hope since this is called Hope for Anxiety and OCD. So this is the time that you’ve received hope from God or another person. 

Mitzi: Okay, there’s lots of stories I could tell. There’s been so many things and I get notes from people all the time about how the book has led to them for the first time discovering this is what’s wrong and finally getting the help they needed. So that’s how God’s used my experience where you comfort one another with the same comfort you yourself have received from God, which has been very humbling to me. For me, I don’t even remember how I knew to read this book, but I picked up a book by a person called John Bunyan that he wrote in 1666 and it’s called “Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners.” Mr. Bunyan’s story resonated with mine in ways I could not have believed. As I read this book about his experiences, really what he had was OCD scrupulosity. When you read this book, it is just absolutely eye-opening and the struggles that back and forth.

That’s how it debilitated him, how it crippled him, how he would be trying to even preach later on a sermon and the intrusive thoughts would just be blaring in his head and he was so terrified they were going to come out of his mouth right while he was preaching and it just crippled him. He tells this whole thing and it’s so interesting to read because it’s like that’s what it was like for me. At the end of his account, in this book, he says, he admits that this thing was an affliction that God had allowed in his life. It was an affliction. The very next thing he says is God, I’ll use his language, “God Duff order it for my good” and then he gives this list of all the ways God had used this to grow him and his faith. Even his account of how he learned to just accept the uncertainty of the thoughts and to press on in his choice to venture all for the sake of Jesus Christ was ACT basically.

This is amazing. I’m thinking God knew that I was going to read that book. He wrote it in 1666. God knew when I read that book, John Bunyan’s story was going to encourage me and it would show me something. It would show me that this affliction has a purpose. The last chapter of my book, I share the purpose in my own life.

That chapter is called Purposeful Affliction. One of the biggest ways I’ve changed in how I talk about my anxiety disorders and in my OCD in particular, as I used to kind of go along and say, “well, I have OCD, but God can still use me in spite of it.” That’s kind of how I worded it. Now I say, I have OCD and God is able to use me because of it. That’s because of the ways He’s grown me through this experience of affliction. That’s not uncommon. God, Paul talked about it, talked about a storm in the flesh. God said to me, my grace is sufficient for you. My strength is perfected in your weakness.

Paul ends up saying, I’m going to glory in this affliction because of this because when I’m weak, I’m depending on God’s strength and not my own. God uses these things in ways, perseverance, and empathy. The things that I learned through my OCD in particular, in my OCD scrupulosity is just amazing but reading that book that was just literally a godsend. And you think about it, they didn’t even know what OCD was back then, but God laid it on John Bunyan’s heart to write about it and so 1666, 150 years old. Here we are and I’m like reading this book and I’m like, “this is amazing.”

It just shows that OCD has been around for a really long time. It’s not a new thing. It’s just that we now understand you know what it is and there’s help and there’s hope, and everyone who is struggling with this, I just want them to have the chance to understand what it is and how to get help especially for my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Carrie: Right. Your story and what you’re doing and just being vocal and open about being a very strong Christian who has also had a struggle in an affliction, I think it’s so hopeful to other people. Hopefully, who will hear this podcast, but what we’re talking about with church leaders that such my passion and desire is that people would just get however they get it, whether they’re getting it through listening to a podcast or reading your blog or talking to somebody with a personal struggle. I just want people to be able to sit with people in pain and say, “We’re here for you.”

Mitzi:  Yes. It’s so huge. It is so important and it’s important to understand that it’s painful. Like you called it invisible and it is. I would still get up every day, go through the motions like a robot. Sometimes I would fix my hair. I would put on my makeup. It was difficult to go out when I was really, really sick, but I still did it. I would sit in church and be tortured because of my OCD, but I would sit there and sometimes I’d want to run out, but you can’t see it. It is really debilitating.

The only way you could see it on me was I would get really skinny. I would get quieter. I would withdraw. I probably didn’t smile and laugh much. Those kinds of things but it’s very painful. For me definitely has been the thing that caused the most pain in my life and the most long-lasting because it can just hang on and hang on. I went through one whole pregnancy with it and then in between, and then another whole pregnancy. I still had the same thing going on. That’s how long it can hang up. 

Carrie: If people want to dive in and read your whole story, will you tell us the name of the book? I will put a link to it in the show notes as well. 

Mitzi: Sure. The name of the book is “Strivings Within-The OCD Christian” and you can find it on Amazon. If you just write that in and even my name, you can look at my name, it’s VAnCleve. That’s the main book I have out there. I do have another book.  We’ve talked about as far as OCD today necessarily, but it’s a direction, another direction up and going, and it’s a fictional book with a little bit of my experience mixed in as a teen. That was about what it was like to have social anxiety and it’s written in a fictional form and that one’s called, “That’s in Your Dreams. That’s the name of that one. That’s all also on Amazon, but it’s kind of a nice book for teens who struggle with that type of anxiety, social anxiety. It might be relatable to them in a story form. It’s just a story about a girl trying to go to high school and trying to fit in, be normal and the social anxiety is always shoving her back down. And so I want to try to work on those kinds of things too for teens, but I haven’t been very dedicated with that.

Carrie: Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story.

Mitzi: Thank you, Carrie. I appreciate the opportunity, anytime. I can share not because of what it does for me, but what I hope it might do for someone else who’s looking for answers, looking for hope, looking for someone who can relate to what they’re going through. And also like you said, for the church and for pastors and people in leadership positions to understand better what these disorders are, what they’re like, and how they can help. So thank you. 

Carrie: Ever since I did this interview with Mitzi, I have been really pondering this idea of growth through affliction in our lives. I hope that you chew on that one for a little bit too because there are so many different things that God uses that are hard to go through and yet they grow us closer to him. They grow us closer to other people and they shape our character in ways that we might never have received had we not gone through those difficulties.

I hope that this podcast has encouraged you. If it has, will you do me a big favor and tell a friend. There’s probably someone in your circle of influence who needs messages that will help them reduce shame and increase hope and that’s what we’re all about on the show. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today. 

Hope for Anxiety and OCD is a production of By The Well Counseling in Smyrna, Tennessee. Our original music is by Brandon Mangrum and audio editing completed by Benjamin Bynam.  Until next time.  May you be comforted by God’s great love for you.